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Almostas bad as the pregnancy news is that Sydney seems to have lost her filter. She used to get all shy when anything remotely scandalous—drugs, drinking, sex—came up.
This brash version of my sister is unnerving, uncomfortable, and makes me a little sad.
She grew up fast, we both did. But this feels more like bitterness or cynicism than taking on responsibility.
Our mom resented the hell out of us for existing.
I don’t think Sydney would ever abandon a child the same way our mom left us. She’s too loving, too loyal. But I hate there might be some resentment beneath. That this baby is going to affect her whole future, the same way that we changed our mom’s.
Cassia is sitting cross-legged on her bed when I enter her room. She’s organizing her textbooks, which makes me grin.
“Nerd.”
She glances up, then climbs off the mattress. “Slacker.”
Both our smiles fade fast.
“I’m heading out. But, uh, we should talk soon. Once Syd leaves.”
Cassia nods. “Yeah.”
“Okay. Have fun with your girls’ night.” I muster another smile, this one forced. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
She smirks. “That rules out nothing.”
“Yeah, well, you’ve always made better decisions than me.”
Cassia steps closer, gnawing on her bottom lip. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you…”
“It’s okay. I get it.”
She studies my expression. “You’re mad, though.”
It’s convenient and inconvenient, having someone know you so well. I’m surprised she can’t readI’m keeping secrets from you toostamped across my forehead.
“I’m…shocked.”
She nods, wrapping her arms around her waist. “Yeah. Me too.”
I exhale, then glance around her messy room. It’s still more settled than mine. “I’d better go unpack. I don’t even have sheets on my bed yet.”
“That’s disgusting, Holden,” Cassia tells me. “I’m not staying over unless you do.”
“Cool. All the incentive I need.” I step forward and kiss her. Her hands fist the front of my t-shirt, holding me in place. I wish I could stay here forever. Just keep kissing her and not have to think about all the messy shit I need to sort out.
But the longer I stay in here, the more safe sex comments Sydney will probably make when I leave.
Reluctantly, I pull back far enough to see her. Tuck a piece of hair behind her ear. “I love you, flower.”
She smiles. “I love you too.”
I kiss her one last time, then head for the door.
I didn’t think it was possible to feel worse than I did when I arrived.
Turns out, it is.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
