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Iwishbasketball was the source of my anxiety right now. Covington is one of the biggest threats to our undefeated season and playoff rankings. To my chances of getting a scholarship. A bunch of scouts will be at the game tomorrow night.
But right now, my head is too full of Cassia to care if we lose tomorrow. And that freaks me the fuck out. When did she start to affect me more than basketball?
“Holden!”
I swear under my breath before pausing. If it was anyone else besides Sydney, I would keep walking and pretend I hadn’t heard her. But I know it’s not easy for Sydney, being my sister. I know girls have tried to befriend her in an attempt to get closer to me.
Whenever I’m with friends and see her—which isn’t very often, since Sydney mostly hangs out at home or in the school’s theater department—I always make a point to acknowledge her.
I don’t want anyone thinking I’d tolerate any disrespect toward my sister, especially if I go anywhere next year and I’m not around.
Sydney is walking straight toward me. Graham is right behind her, with Cassia and Harrison a few feet behind. My hands form fists, then relax. I keep my gaze on Sydney as they approach. She has her coat on, so they must have just finished eating.
If I’d allowed myself to look over there once during dinner, I could have timed this better. Left sooner or later. Instead, it couldn’t be worse. I’m stuck acknowledging them. Interacting with them.
“Hey, Syd.”
My sister is smiling, her cheeks flushed and eyes bright. Despite my resentment of this outing, I feel myself smile in response to hers. Sydney looks happier than I’ve seen her in a long time.
Reluctantly, I glance at Graham. My mood improves further when I notice he’s looking at me with obvious apprehension.
Finn chuckles under his breath beside me, probably noticing the same thing. “Hi, Graham.”
“Hi.” His response comes out as a squeaky syllable.
Mark muffles a laugh with a cough. “Haven’t seen you all week, Cassia,” he says. “One time hanging out with us was enough?”
Everyone looks at her, and I reluctantly do the same. Cassia glances away as soon as our eyes meet, a pink flush spreading across her cheeks.
She was already looking at me, and it eases a little of the tightness in my chest. At least she’s not making googly eyes at Baker.
“I’ve just been busy,” she says, twirling the end of her ponytail. “College applications and stuff, you know.”
Another necessary reminder of why I’ve stayed away from Cassia—why I need to keep staying away. We’re on very different paths. She’ll have lots of options for college. I’ll be lucky to have one next year.
“I’m headed out,” I announce, more forcefully than I meant to.
“Dude, what the hell has gotten into you tonight?” Finn asks, chuffing my shoulder. “I’ve never seen you this eager to do homework before.”
“You must be a good tutor,” Harrison tells Cassia, laughing.
I hear him. Unfortunately, Sydney does too. She looks at Cassia, then glances at me. “Tutor?”
I tense. The last thing I need is for Sydney to start getting suspicious about me having feelings for her best friend. Or to start worrying I’m flunking out of high school again. As far as Sydney knows, Cassia and I haven’t spent any time together alone in years.
“I just helped him with that one thing,” Cassia says. “We should head out, right?”
Apparently, I’m not the only one more than ready to get out of here. Thankfully, Sydney drops the tutoring topic as we walk outside.
There’s a sharp chill to the air, the closest to winter’s bite we’ve gotten this fall. Every inhale burns my lungs and I can see my breath when I exhale.
“You good to get home, Sydney?” I ask.
Sydney glances at Graham.
“I can drive you,” he offers.
It’s obviously what she was hoping for, based on her broad smile, so I keep my mouth shut. I’m not expecting for Sydney to look to Cassia next.
