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I think I prefer this to the earrings as an apology—of sorts, if that’s what it is. There’s something almost…sweet about him and his tangle of words, about him checking.
Jac’s usually smooth, and I don’t think the word apology occurs to him often.
But still.
I don’t respond.
Of course he went too far. That’s Jac. I’d be concerned if he didn’t cross a line, and…
Christ, I’m pathetic.
I need to do the things I wanted to do when I got him to drop me off.
I’ve showered and changed, paced and eaten the disgustingly healthy lentil salad that was in Hendrick’s fridge… So I just need to—
I stop.
I can still feel those hands, the soft touch from Jac. No one else. Just Jac.
AmI all right? Because there were great moments of time I didn’t know… Didn’t know who was touching me.
I could have used the word. Could have said blue. Shit, I could also say that Jac set me up by what he told me about Hendrick because he knows me. Jac knows I’ll be savagely, destructively jealous.
And if I’m honest, I didn’t want to find out if he ignored my safe word.
I take a breath as I make my way down the fire exit stairs, more for exercise than me trying to escape detection, and conclude that no… I didn’t want to find out if he’d stick to it.
They’re very different things.
I don’t want to fuck Carlos or Damon or anyone else. And I’m aware how violating what Jac did would be to most. The pretense. The psychological taunt of the game he played.
It didn’t violate, I realize.
It turned me on.
The fact Jac wanted to show me off. Wanted someone to see how wet I was for him, how he sees me as something that he can’t get enough of.
The fact he didn’t do that because he views me as his.
And Hendrick? He sees it the same, but he sees all the complications and how wanting, lust, love and belonging don’t change a thing.
As I reach the second floor, I take the exit to that floor, and go to the elevators. I take one, pressing the button to the basement.
Imagine if it was Jac and Hendrick again. Showing me how hot they found me. How much they wanted me. Together. Again.
And…oh, fuck. Imagine if it had been me and Hendrick. Hendrick likes to share. Jac likes to watch. What if Hendrick nailed me. And…what if Jac watched?
Again.
Shit, I’m obsessed.
I almost laugh as I move through the empty basement past where the old garbage smells collect in corners from the last time the building’s trash went out. Today, I guess, since it’s so empty, and then past the maintenance rooms and to the exit.
Jac wouldn’t last long watching. He didn’t last time, and he wouldn’t now. But I don’t think they’d be in that situation again. A one off. My own personal unicorn moment.
But a girl can dream.
Yeah, I’m a fucked-up female, and I don’t really care. I’m so sick of women needing to pretend to be a thing to be used against their will. I wanted that. It was borderline wrong, but Jac’s whisper after told me everything. He let me know via text we were alone. I wasn’t in a state to listen in the car.
