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In a few minutes, priority number one, the shower, is done. I turn to priority number two, food. I throw on some clothes, but when I get to the door, I hesitate. I don’t want to go through the lobby again. She might be there. I kick my shoes off and throw myself on the bed.
They told me when I checked in that Skysight would deliver to the hotel. I call them and order my dinner.
“Anything else? Dessert? We have a wonderful –”
“No dessert. I mean, no, thank you.”
The food comes, and I force myself to eat slowly and deliberately. It’s not so much for my digestion. I just want it to take as long as possible. I burned a lot of calories today, and I need to replenish them all.
When I’m finally finished, I’m full but not satisfied. Not even close. I am craving something sweet. But it isn’t something that can be baked in an oven and frosted or coated with a shimmering glaze.
It’s Mira. I miss the feeling of her in my lap. The slightly wicked smile while she helped herself to the bites of my dinner she had claimed she was too stuffed to tolerate. I even miss her hair brushing my skin.
Missing her isn’t like anything else I have felt before. It’s like a piece of me has disappeared, been taken away. And it is a very essential piece.
I crawl into bed. I don’t think sleep will come, but it does. And so do the dreams. When I wake up, I’m filled with a longing I’ve never felt before. What the fuck am I going to do?
The plain and terrible truth, I admit to myself in horror, is that I don’t know. It’s a condition I haven’t had to face in years, maybe my entire adult life, but there it is.
13
MIRA
The weather has turned sour with my mood. Black roiling clouds cover the sky, and the wind finds its way into every crevice. There will be no hiking today.
Not that I’ve taken pleasure in my daily walks since Renxel fucked and fled. My ankle healed within hours, just like he promised. But when I realized he had gotten what he wanted and ditched me, there was no bandage big enough to fix my heart.
What a jerk. I really thought we had some chemistry going.But all he really wanted was sex.
And maybe if that was all I wanted, too, I’d be okay with it. It was good sex. No, it was great.
But, despite the fact that I kept it at arm’s length when we first met, I couldn’t help feeling we had something deeper going on by now. I really thought it was mutual. Stupid me. The way he held me, kissed me, rescued me. Who the hell goes through all the trouble of rescuing a girl just to get her in bed one time? Surely there are easier conquests out there.
I really thought there was something…
It doesn’t matter now. He’s just like all the other Kiphians. It’s exactly what I was afraid of, and why I didn’t want to give in so soon. The fool is me, I guess.
I try to wrap my anger around me. To use it to fortify me and give me the strength to go out and face the miserable day.
My shift starts in half an hour so I carefully dress myself up in layers of warm clothes to make the twenty-minute walk to the Inn.
Closing my apartment door behind me, I take a deep breath of the frigid air. I’m pulling a double shift so it will be deep in the night before I return. I’m glad. I don’t like spending time alone right now.
The streets are devoid of people as I make the trek to work. Every sensible person is staying inside and out of this atrocious weather.
As I trudge up the hill, I wonder if I will see him today. As far as I’m aware, he is still staying there, but I’ve not caught a glimpse of him. Surely he won’t be out training in this weather?
The Inn looms large before me, its bright lights shining out their warm welcome in the gloom of the day. I feel my despondency drop from my shoulders like a cloak as I enter the welcoming atmosphere. Here is comfort. Here, I am paid to be happy.
The place is surprisingly busy. Even the usual hikers don’t want to go out in this weather. Instead, they choose to sit around the massive fires of the Inn, playing games and talking. There is a festive feel inside today which lifts my heart just a tiny bit.
“Mira, I’m so glad you could come in. It’s busier than usual already. I think we’re going to be in for a hectic day since everyone’s staying in out of the cold and people are extending their stays to avoid the weather,” my manager, Silvy, says when she sees me. “Quick, get out of those wet clothes and get your apron on. We already have a queue for food.”
I’m relieved to have the sudden pressure. It doesn’t give me time to think. I need to move on from Renxel and his deceit. But as I work, I keep glancing hopefully at the door, longing to see his roguish smile as he comes in bragging about his latest feat.
“Can I take your order, gentlemen?” I ask the group seated next to the window, putting on a fake smile and hoping it will cover the roiling turmoil in my gut.
I glance casually out of the window. The blizzard is getting worse if anything. A hazy shape comes briefly into focus through the swirling snow.Renxel?I stare out of the window, trying to pick out the person who walks through the snow and ice with his head down.
