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I laugh. “Seriously?”
“Deadly.” When Evan sees that I don’t believe him, he taps the papers. “Really. Give it a read through. I will be back in an hour, and I can answer questions you have over brunch.”
Brunch. The instant karma bros eatbrunch.
They leave me to skim thirty pages of fine print, and I note the headers.
Injuries on the job: Target-inflicted injuries will be covered as long as proper protocols are enacted. Any risk-taking behavior outside of commonsense restraint will be counted against the agent’s record.
Excessive Job Expenses:…will be covered if approved by a supervisor.
Personal Obligations and Responsibilities: You forfeit all extracurricular activities for the sake of “the work.”
Ownership of Failings:Agent must be accountable for inadequate job performance… Excuses for failures will not be allowed and punishment will ensue.
I shiver, wondering what punishments entail.
Intellectual Property: …any innovations are immediately property of Karma and can be used by other agents for training and use.
Interpersonal Relationships: …friendships and sexual relationships are permitted as long as they do not interfere with work.
Nondisclosure Policy: No one outside of the Instant Karma Agency (IKA) should become aware that “the work” is orchestrated by actual agents. However, publicity and promotion of a karmic event are encouraged. Posted videos, pics, stories, and GIFs must be tagged with #InstantKarma.
A goddess needs a following?
If the old gods needed temples, then I suppose it makes sense that the new gods use the internet. Karma wants all the attention, but not for her army of agents.
I don’t like most of what is revealed in the contract, which I’m expected to sign with a “blood oath fingerprint.”
Evan returns alone, and I glance behind him to see if the other two are in tow, but apparently Dante is done messing with my traitorous libido, and Kurtis has better things to do.
“Where are the stooges?” I ask.
“On assignment, trolling on the internet.” Evan sits down next to me at the kitchen table. “A lot of work can be done on there, but it’s not as satisfying.”
“God, I don’t have to do that, do I?”
“Goddess,and no.” He smiles. “But it gives you hours you can log, and since we have to spend our time training you, we need to make sure we get our time cards stamped.”
“How many hoursarewe expected to work?” I ask, realizing my life as I knew it is gone.
“Depends on the quality of karmic justice you invoke. If you pull off a particularly poignant and publicized message, then you are rewarded with your time served for the week. However, that doesn’t mean Karma won’t call you in for a special job, even if you have worked all week.”
“It really is like community service, isn’t it?”
“And sometimes it doesn’t really feel like a punishment… for us.” Evan shrugs, looking melancholy.
Flipping through the pages, I say, “I noticed there isn’t any mention of retirement.”
“Yeah. I don’t think we get to quit.”
“We’ll die doing this job?”
“As far as I can tell.” Evan reaches out and pats my hand. “I’ve never heard of anyone going beyond ten years with Karma.”
With his touch, a spark shoots down to my lower belly. I shake it off, because he’s just another potential no-go fuckboy. I can’t get sexually entangled with my coworkers.
I jerk my hand back and straighten my shirt. “What happens now? When do I get my karma powers?”
