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“No, but I didn’t think you would lie to me,” I say with a weight that feels oppressive. The accusation drops between us like an undetonated bomb.
He doesn’t deny lying.
I don’t like the feeling I’m having right now—broken trust and pain. I know now that even our friendship is over. He isn’t showing basic respect for my feelings.
There are a whole lot of secrets floating around me, but I can’t grasp any of them.
Carl hasn’tadmittedhe’s with someone else, likely this Mercy, but he might as well have.
“Okay,” I say to end the argument. There is no reason for it to go on. I’m done. “Don’t worry, I won’t be coming by your work ever again.”
Hearing the dejected tone in my voice, Carl steps closer, lifting his hand to touch me, but he stops himself before making contact. “Dee, it’s not what you think.”
“I’m not sure you should say that. You don’t really know what I’m thinking.” I escape his overwhelming presence by retreating and shutting myself in my bathroom.
“Dee,” he murmurs, leaning against the closed door. “You want too much from me.”
“Yeah, honesty is just too big of an ask,” I quip sarcastically.
He moves away from the bathroom door. “I’ll make dinner, then we need totalk.”
“Hmm…” I hum a noncommittal response, sitting on the edge of the bathtub and trying to regain my sanity. Why does it feel like I’m about to lose everything, maybe even my life? Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m being overly dramatic since the gods are harassing me.
I hear the unsaid words in his voice. Thetalkis the official breakup conversation. I don’t want to sit through his bullshit.
Carl leaves my room, and I sigh deeply, expelling all the air in my lungs and hoping to start over.
I expect Eros to pop back into view, but he doesn’t. Now that I’m paying attention again, I can’t feel his presence, so he hasn’t been secretly watching. I fidget with my ring, but don’t call his name. I’m not ready to deal with him either.
I’ve failed him on every level. I didn’t get the guy—not that I want him anymore. I didn’t learn how to trust Eros enough for him to give me my matchmaker powers.
I slip on some comfortable jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and a jacket. Without a word to Carl, I hurry out of the house and into my car. As I pull away, he runs out to watch me go.
My phone rings, but I don’t answer his call.
A few seconds later, I receive a text.
Carl: Where are you going?
I don’t respond. Let him wonder what happens to me whenIleave the house, like I’ve worried about him all these years. I turn off my location services on my phone and power it off so he can’t bombard me with calls and texts.
After several miles, I pull into my secret getaway campsite in the mountains. It’s hidden from the main road and isn’t officially a site. I’ll be able to get some quiet time here.
I cut the engine, and it feels as if my heart cracks into tiny pieces. I’m sure blood is leaking inside me from internal injuries. My chest is heavy, and I’m lightheaded, as if I really am bleeding. I don’t think I could walk if I tried. I would topple, letting the world finally take me out. I’ve wasted all my love, energy, and years on someone who doesn’t truly care about me.
I pull my emergency blanket from the back seat of my car and drag it over me. I’ll camp out here until the gods come for my soul.
The only weak link in my plan is that the gods can probably find me easily enough, but whatever, I’m over it.Allof it.
Why do I keep giving away my so-called pure heart to those who would destroy it?
Deep down, I know there must be a reason I’m being deceived.
Carl can’t admit to me that he’s still involved with someone else.
I also suspect there’s some ulterior motive behind Eros’s contract, but I can’t fathom what that could be.
I’m angry, but I have no proof of what the lies or deception really are.
