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The fact is, he doesn’t have the money, and he’s struggling with managing what he does have already. I’d probably be doing him a favor by taking this place out of his scope of possible purchases. It’s too much brick and steel for a guy his size.
But I know he’ll want it. He sets his sights on everything that I want, but the one thing he won’t even be allowed to consider taking from me is Valerie.
There’s a reason I need her to have my baby, and it’s not just because she’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and I’m hopelessly infatuated with her. It goes much deeper than that.
She’ll know soon enough, but until she falls in love with me and can be trusted with my Family secret, my lips must remain sealed.
6
Valerie
The last thing I want to do when I come home is call every pharmacy in the city, but that’s what I’m going to have to do if I can’t get my prescription filled. All week, I’ve had to go without my birth control. I can’t find the box I had at home anywhere, and every single place I’ve stopped in the last few days has been sold out.
Something is going on. I just don’t know why I can’t find any information about it. I almost asked Lindsay if she had some I could use, but I know she’d start spreading rumors about me whoring myself out to move up in the industry if I even mentioned anything related to sex.
No, I can’t seem desperate around people like her. They can smell blood like sharks, and I don’t want to attract more attention than I already have on me.
Like from that creep, Pasha. Even though he hasn’t shown his face in a week, I think about him daily. His voice seeps intomy dreams, and maybe it’s just because I’m coming off birth control, but when I wake up in the morning tangled up in my sweaty sheets, I feel… Maybe aroused isn’t the best word. Flustered? There’s something going on, and I feel stupid for even considering what it would be like to be intimate with a man that crazy.
He literally tried to kill himself in front of me. That’s not somebody I want to get mixed up with, no matter how flattering it was that he professed his obsession with me so openly.
Admittedly, though, he’s the first person to show me that much attention since I moved to Texas four years ago. I was running from the people left in my life, and I found the loneliness I craved in a midsize city.
Nobody knew me here, and nobody cared about the pain I was suffering through. It made it easier to cope. Nobody knew about my sister, or the way our mistakes separated us. Nobody could bring it up and ask how I was doing. They expected me to act normal, so life just slowly faded back to that again.
But it’ll never be the same. I know I’ll never really be happy like I was before, so I don’t plan on sticking around forever. Texas is temporary, just like my life is.
But, funny enough, the idea of being murdered by Pasha has made me a lot more concerned with my wellbeing than I was prior to meeting him. I’ve changed the lock on my door, and I even considered buying a gun, though that would probably have the opposite effect on my safety. I trust myself almost as little as I trust Pasha.
I sigh, pulling out a black thong from my top drawer. I still don’t know what happened to the last batch, but I get to take home alot of the stuff I model in, so I’ve been stuffing my purse with panties after work and hoping nobody asks why I need so many new pairs!
I step into them, my mind still fixated on Pasha. I feel like I had a dream about him last night, but I’m not sure what it was about.
Maybe I don’t want to know.
I walk to the sink and get a glass of water. I’ve been meaning to get a water filter, but I haven’t had the time or energy because I’ve been wholly occupied with the birth control mystery for the past week.
The water tastes like iron, but I’m probably deficient so it can’t hurt. You’d think that an apartment as expensive as this would have better water, but I suspect everyone here drinks sparkling mineral water out of giant green glass bottles instead of what comes out of the tap.
Once again, I’m the weird one.
I didn’t grow up with money, and that sets me apart from the other people who live here. Everyone I’ve spoken to seems to have connections, and I’m just here because I’m pretty and I don’t mind taking most of my clothes off in front of a camera.
But just because I’m willing to do that doesn’t mean I’m an open book. I find it much easier to show my body than what’s inside of it, the real guts and glory of my personality. That remains locked away, a relic of my past when I was so carefree and open.
It’s funny how one night can change everything.
My fingers find the emerald pendant that rests between my clavicles, touching the neutral coolness of the crystal forcomfort. Julia was a Gemini, and so am I. We’re twins, and even though she’s gone, I’ll always consider her my other half.
My precious stone. My emerald sister.
I throw an oversized hoodie on after I’ve finished my water, wandering over to the boots by the door and kicking them over. They’re dirty. I must’ve gotten into some mud last night but I barely remember.
I need to stop drinking. It never ends well, especially when I mix it with cocaine.
Everyone always made that little white powder out to be some kind of glamorous thing, something movie stars and beautiful women did without shame, but what they never told me was how addicting it was.
How quick the effects would wear off, and how often you’d need to do it to feel that beautiful high.
