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Reece: Agreed. Don’t do anything stupid, Blaise.
Me: I won’t. Jesus, I know all of this already.
Ryder: Do you?
Me: Yes. You don’t have to remind me ten fucking times. I get it.
Ryder: Just making sure. We don’t want another note incident.
The note incident he’s referring to happened junior year when I reached a breaking point. I was so tired of being apart from the only girl I’ve ever loved, and the only person who’s made me feel as if they truly cared about me. So, I wrote Allura a note that confessed what we had been doing and what we were protecting her from. Ryder caught me doing it and about lost his shit.
“Do you know what would happen if she found out?” he shouted, shredding up the note. “Everything we’ve been working for would be ruined, and so would she!”
“I can’t take it anymore.” I paced the length of my bedroom. “She’s the only person who calms my dark thoughts. Now it’s all I see—darkness, darkness, darkness.” I felt like I was losing my mind. Maybe I was.
His expression softened. “I know you need her, but we have to do this to protect her. Think about what will happen to her if we don’t? Do you want that for her? Because if you give her that note, the truth could come out. And if it comes out, it’ll start up again.” He stepped toward me as I stopped pacing. “If you tell her, it’ll be the most selfish thing you’ve ever done. And I know you—you’re not selfish. Especially with her.”
He was right, so I let him toss the torn pieces of the note away, and we continued with the plan. Now, finally, after years, we’re reaching the end of this nightmare. And thank God for that because I don’t know how much more of this torment I can take.
Speaking of torment …
Allura exits the bathroom then, her hair damp and swept to the side in long, flowing waves. She has on a pair of torn black jeans and a gray crop top that shows off her toned abdomen. Her eyes are framed with a hint of kohl eyeliner, and her lips are all glossy.
Jesus, she’s fucking stunning.
When her gaze finds me, the corners of her lips tug downward. “You’re still here?”
“I told you I have to stay.”
“Hey, just like I have to marry you. Guess we both know what it’s like to suffer.”
My chest stings from that remark, but the pain is deserved.
“Look,” I say, attempting to make things as easy on her as possible, “I know you’re not happy about having to spend today with me, but I don’t think it has to be miserable.”
She releases this hollow laugh. “You’ve made my life miserable for the last few years; why would you stop now?”
“Because it’s almost over.” The words carelessly fall out of my mouth, and I internally cringe.
Ryder and Reece were right. I do need the reminder to keep my shit together.
This captures her full attention. “What do you mean by that?”
I rise to my feet, slip my phone into my back pocket, and reduce the distance between us, surprised when she doesn’t step back. Her muscles do constrict, though, when I lean in.
“What’re you doing?” she whispers, pressing her palms against my chest to stop me from getting any closer.
“Telling you something,” I say, fiddling with the leather bracelet I always wear, the one she gave me when we were kids. “Please just give me a chance.”
She nibbles on her lip while carrying my gaze, and it damn near drives me mad. I want to touch her. Kiss her. Do all sorts of things with her that I’ve never done before, that I don’t even know if I can handle. But I want to try with her.
I nearly let out a throaty sigh when she bends her elbows to allow me to get closer to her, but she still keeps her hands on my chest.
Can she feel how fast my heart is beating?
My lips part, and I just know I’m going to fucking ruin everything. My father was right; I am weak.
“You’re such a disappointment,” he told me as he circled the table I was sitting at.
