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Maybe I should leave. I’m only a burden to them now, another mouth to feed with food that doesn’t exist. And these strange feelings I have... they seem dangerous, like it would upset the balance here even more.
But can I really go? To my orc and my troll, I am a person, with thoughts and feelings—not an object to be used and abused like my master did, and someday thrown away.
Maybe if I can keep finding food, keep helping as much as I can, I won’t feel so guilty whenever they feed me, whenever I have traitorous thoughts.
My head snaps up. Perhaps I can help in a small way. I get up quickly and jog back to the barn, with Han’zir calling my name after me. Up in the hay loft I dig around until I find the stash of food I’ve been keeping. Some has gone bad now, but not everything. I pull it down with me, tucked under my arm, and carry it back to the fire.
As I lay it all out in front of them, Han’zir’s eyes are round, while Drazak’s brows pull into a dark frown. There are nuts, fruit, dried meat, even some fried pork skin I saved, knowing I would need quick fats if I chose to leave.
“I’m sorry,” I say, my hands trembling. “I’m sorry for taking it.” I turn my head away, squeezing my eyes shut. I don’t want to see their faces when they learn I’ve been stealing from them a little at a time.
But they jerk open when a hand lands on my shoulder. It’s Han’zir, with a tender, sad look on his face.
“What is this, keva?” he asks me, his voice quiet.
“Food. I was... keeping it.” Tears are welling up in my eyes. “I’m sorry.” Drazak’s face is even more tense as he looks over what I’ve brought.
“Were you going to leave?” His eyes find mine, and there’s hurt in them. “Is that what this is?”
My mouth opens and closes while I search for the right answer.
“Oh, keva.” Han’zir kneels down next to me. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me in tight against his chest. He’s not angry at me?
But when I look up, Drazak looks furious. “Why?” he demands. “Why would you leave?”
“I...” My voice sticks in my throat. What can I possibly say? I gesture around at the devastated farm. “No food. Not enough.”
Drazak’s face falls. He surges off the log where he’s been sitting and stalks towards us, and I cringe in preparation for him to hit me. Instead, I feel a calloused hand on my cheek.
“There is enough,” Drazak says in a low voice, and his eyes are hot as flame when I look into them. “There will be enough.”
His words wash over me like cool water. I cover his hand in mine and lean into his palm. He sighs, then pulls away to pick through what I’ve brought. He grabs an apple and arches an eyebrow, because we both know I took it from the bucket meant for the horses.
We’re all quiet that night as we sit around the fire, looking into the flames for any sign of what our future holds.
Han’zir
I’m not oblivious. How could I be, when I know Drazak better than I know myself? I’m not immune to Esme’s significant charms, either. Now that I’m accustomed to her, to her presence, to her strange body and tiny face with the button nose, I find her... alluring. Exciting. Whenever I’m near her, whenever she smiles at me, my blood pumps a little faster, and I imagine it’s the same for my orc, too.
He needs this, whatever strange thing is happening between them. I know it because I’m growing to need it myself. But we’re different, him and I. I’ve always known this, but now it’s as stark as a bird’s shadow against the sky. He thinks with his body while I think with my heart. Even when he’s grumpy with me, his cock recognizes me and shows me what’s really inside him. He can never stay mad for long when deep down, he wants nothing more than me.
So I understand when I see it on his face, this bodily need for her. All of his strange behavior makes sense when I align it with her arrival, with each stage of our peculiar journey together.
One night, as Drazak’s hands roam my body, skating over the plane of my abdomen and down to my groin, I stop him. I’ve known for a while now that not all of his mind is here with me when he’s deep inside me, his teeth nipping at my neck. I know he’s coping with what we’ve lost and the hard months we face ahead. I also know he’s hungering, and the need grows more raw every day.
“What is it?” Drazak grumbles, reaching again for me. “Don’t want me inside you tonight? You could fuck me, instead.”
“It’s not that.” I turn around and place my hands on his shoulders sternly, then stare into his golden eyes, which are always red around the edges now. My poor orc, who holds everything inside until it chokes him. “Drazak... why do you really not want the puppy to sleep in the house?”
He blinks, then growls with irritation. “Why are we talking about this now?” His whole body becomes tense and hard. “What does it matter? We have bigger problems.”
“I worry about her,” I say. “Don’t you?”
“Where would she sleep?” he asks, scoffing. “In our bed?”
I tilt my head. “Sure.” Then I lean closer so we’re tusk-to-tusk. “All kinds of fun things could happen if she slept in our bed.”
I don’t expect Drazak to hiss at me and pull away like I’ve burned him. “Don’t be ridiculous.” He narrows his eyes. “With the way you treat her, that would be like fucking a farm animal.”
