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No pressure, babe. Just if the opportunity arises.
Snorting, I grinned affectionately down at my phone screen, then glanced over at the break room as I set down my backpack and shrugged off my suit jacket. Tim was frantically lowering all the blinds over the windows looking out onto the bullpen, but it was too late. A crowd had already gathered by the door. He was trying to shoo them away, still red in the face, but they ignored him.
Draping my jacket over the back of my chair, I realised I too had an autographed copy of Holt’s balls resting on my keyboard, but this one said something different from all the others.
Would you do me the honour… of putting these in your mouth? H xxxx
“Jeez, quite the hubbub in here, huh?” Lance’s bemused voice had me stuffing the copy into my backpack in a rush. He was picking up the photocopy on his own desk and staring down at it when I whirled around guiltily. “H. Who’s H?”
Mindy from Marketing’s head popped up from the other side of the cubicle. She was brandishing her own copy. “That’s what we’ve been trying to figure out! Harry hasn’t worked here for months, but I suppose he could’ve snuck in to prank us…”
Becky’s head appeared beside Mindy’s, cheeks flushed. She whispered, “Harry didn’t seem like the type to have… you know. A piercing down there.”
“He was in his sixties,” Lance added.
“Harry?” Gary from Finance approached, shaking his head with a snort. “No way it was Harry. Although, given his age…” He peered over at the copy in Lance’s hand, cocking his head. “They do look like they hang pretty low…”
“Everyone, just… please put them in the trash and get to work!” Tim from HR was sweating, frantically darting around the room and snatching photocopies out of people’s hands. He clutched them to his chest, trying to hide them. “And the break room is… out of service for the day. No one is to go in there except me.”
I chewed my lip, feeling a little bad for him. Until he looked across the room directly at me, nostrils flaring with a glare.
“I assure you all,” he declared, narrowing his eyes at me, “I will find the perpetrator. And they will be brought to justice.”
“Looks like I got something a little different, you guys.” Chase suddenly emerged from his office, brandishing a couple of photocopies. With a chuckle, he held them up.
Showcasing Holt’s ass for all my co-workers to see.
Throat bobbing, I looked behind him into his office. We’d plastered copies of Holt’s ass over every inch of wall space in there.
“Whoever they are has a nice butt,” Becky whispered to Mindy with a giggle.
“I think it’s the same person.” Chase peered down at one of the copies. “I can see the, uh, testicular… region…”
“Everyone, please.” Tim was hurrying over to snatch the copies from Chase. “The workday has begun. Hand over all incriminating evidence and return to your desks! And no one is to use the photocopier until it has been thoroughly sanitised.”
“So we can’t go in the break room?” Gary glanced at the closed door. “I want coffee.”
“I’ll make everyone’s coffee.” Tim was out of breath as he darted around, grabbing endless photocopies. Every time a cubicle looked clear, someone found another one and held it up.
“Look, we’ve all seen them—it—now,” I said uncomfortably. “You don’t have to make everyone’s coffee, Tim. We’re all adults. We can go in the break room.”
“Thank you, Taylor, but this is an HR matter,” he said snippily as he passed our cubicle, then stopped and lowered his voice to hiss, “And don’t think I didn’t notice all those almond milk cartons in there. I will be weighing mine in the fridge.”
As he stalked off, my phone vibrated on the desk with a new text from Holt.
Babe, I may have ordered a rush job on something else…
“Good morning.” A perky, unfamiliar voice drew my gaze to the front desk. A uniformed delivery woman was holding out a clipboard to Grace, while two of the building’s maintenance workers walked into the office carrying a huge neon sign between them.
HotSex Corporation, it said in big, bold letters.
“Delivery for HutSec,” the woman said cheerfully. “Just need you to sign.”
“No,” Tim shouted from across the room, dumping the stack of photocopies on the floor and charging over. “No, no, no, absolutely not.”
“Jeez, someone’s really determined to spice this place up, huh?” Chase chuckled from beside me, leaning an elbow on the cubicle wall.
“Send it back.” Tim was practically shouting in the poor delivery woman’s face. “We didn’t order this! There’s been a mistake. This is a reputable business—”
