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Too bad for me all of my problems revolve around my feelings. Havoc once taught me to meditate and slow my thoughts, but I can’t even begin to try that without thinking about him. The constant touches that centered me, his voice that guided me. Akio tries to help though, and he’s really good at it.
Today, I’m moving my stuff into Evie’s new place, to help her while she recovers from everything done by her uncle and that sick demented snake, Rostya. I stand at the door with my bags surrounding me while I watch Damien pull away. I can tell it’s so hard for him to leave as he keeps me and the house in the rearview for as long as he can. I want to reach out to him, but I’m barely staying afloat as it is, so I turn to the door.
Only, it’s no longer just a door. Havoc is there, looking at me with a thousand words on his tongue and a million emotions in his wild green eyes. Eyes that remind me too much of chaos and love.
I have to look away. I’m not one to back down from what I want. In fact, I hardly ever show the real emotions under my skin. But I was real with him.
He saw it all and decided to leave just because things got difficult. I never pictured him as a man who would walk away. Then again, I never pictured myself loving two men who both decided to leave me in the dust. I thought I was a better judge of character. I push past him, keeping my head down.
“I’ll just grab these then,” he says with a slight attitude.
“Where’s my room?” I keep things short. Just because we’re in the same space doesn’t mean I need to see him.
“Second floor, third door on the left.”
After climbing the stairs and finding my room, I turn back to find him right on my heels. His scent floods my senses, bringing tears to my eyes. I close them for a second to get my crap together.
“You can leave those here.” I point to the hall. I can’t have his scent in my space, and I definitely don’t want him to see the stuffed unicorn I use as a pillow to cry myself to sleep every night.
He doesn’t argue with me, and just places the bags down. As I push open the door, the beautiful bed in this mini mansion calls my name. I haven’t slept in a bed in three weeks now, and my body is starting to feel the effects.
Damien might have been encouraging me to go home, but I don’t want my parents to see me like this. I have called them a few times. When I explained I needed space, they honored that.
Man of Chaos: E is in the room next to yours. She’s sleeping now, but I know she’s anxious to see you.
I place the phone down on the bed before bringing in the rest of my bags to unpack while she rests. She’s the reason I’m here anyway.
As I hang up my clothes and organize my toiletries, I try to squash the emotions roaring to life inside of me. Pushing and shoving and condensing them down into a small box that is easy to hide in the back of my mind.
When I walk to my friend’s room and open the door, sheseesme. Straight through the facade. It’s as if her steel gray eyes send a bolt of lightning straight into my armor, and it causes me to immediately crack. I run to her and crawl into the bed with her while wrapping myself in my friend's embrace.
She doesn’t say a word, just pulls me closer and holds me tight, just like my heart needs.
Chapter 2
I pride myself on being a cold man. You can’t be an assassin and have feelings, it just doesn’t work. You create too many instances where someone can take advantage. Emotions equal weakness at all times in this job. However, E has always been the exception to that rule. Laney was too.
When I hear Laney break down, I open my door to catch a glimpse of her crawling onto the bed and into the arms of her friend. Seeing her like this consumes my chest with a feeling I can’t pinpoint. All I know is that I have to doeverythingI can to help her.
Closing the door, I begin to pace. I have to come up with a plan. Laney has been avoiding me, and I’ve let her. I knew she needed space, and after everything that happened with Arrow, I think I did too. Not that I didn’t want to hold her and comfort her every step of the way, but I needed to get my head on straight.
I let fear send me into a spiral these past few weeks. It trapped me in a panic where I couldn’t see beyond the need to protect her. I almost left her because of that.Almostbeing the keyword because I didn’t fucking leave, and she seems to keep forgetting that part.
No, don’t get bitter. That’s not how we fix this.
I grab a notebook out of my desk and begin frantically writing out all the ideas I have of ways we can go after Adrik. I need to get my mind off of her until I come up with a plan. This man is still a threat to all of us. I can’t let him win.
After I finish documenting every known location of their past hideouts, I snap pictures and send them to Boris and Alexi. We worked tirelessly to get E back, and I have a feeling that’s not about to stop. We won one battle, but he’ll be back.
I was more than pissed the fuck off when I found out Adrik and Rostya both survived the bombing of the damn facility. I should have known better. Our demons aren’t the kind you can just squash into a pile of rubble. These are personal. They deserve to be strangled by our hands as blood seeps from their eyes, and they recognize that their destruction is in our strength.
Anything less would be uncharacteristically sloppy of an assassin.
When I abandon the mess of papers on the desk, I realize night has fallen and my stomach grumbles. I haven’t eaten since early this morning when I brought breakfast to E. I know Laney made sure that E got her food because Alexi hasn’t messaged mewith threats of extreme violence if I did not cater to her specific dietary needs at all times.
That man has serious control issues.
I was shocked E was okay with all of the cameras he placed around the house to watch her. But then again, they have a special bond that I don’t even pretend to understand.
