AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I am going to guide you back to where your dreams start. I want you to hold Laney and Havoc’s hands. When something feels difficult to face, squeeze their hands as hard as you need to in order to keep you grounded. When they squeeze back, I want you to repeat this in your head. ‘I am safe.’ Okay?”
I nod at Dr. K’s words, sandwiched between the two people I love the most in this world. They each take a hand.
“Wait,” I say as I look at each of them. “I know this is going to be hard, but please don’t look at me like you did when I woke up from that coma. Just because I need to deal with this doesn’t mean I’m broken again.”
Laney sits up, turning her body towards mine.
“Arrow, I never once looked at you like you were broken. I didn’t leave your side because I love you.” She squeezes my hand as if to prove that point. “We all have our trauma, and I’m proud of you for dealing with it in a healthy way. We all know that it’s not an easy thing to do.”
“Brother,” Havoc starts as I face him, “as a man who has a lot of trauma myself, I can swear to you I’ve never thought of you as broken. If I looked at you differently, it’s only because helping people doesn’t come naturally to me, and I wanted to help you but never knew what to do. I’m so fucking sorry if you thought we were looking down on you.”
He squeezes my hand too and I believe them. It makes it so much easier to look at Dr. K and nod that I’m ready to get started.
“Your communication has really improved,” she says, nodding to us. I grin as Havoc chuckles next to me.
“We have had a lot of practice,” he says.
“Alright. Let’s get started. First, I want you to close your eyes, take a deep breath, and tell me where the dream starts.”
I do as she asks, closing my eyes and leaning my head back on the couch. The coolness of the leather centers me in this moment, and I remind myself that I am safe. The vision comes to me almost immediately.This isn’t the part that scares me, it’s when I’m pushed towards the glowing door that my limbs instantly lock up and the black surrounds me.
“There’s always a door. It glows, like the television is on inside the room it leads to.”
“Very good. Can you tell me anything else about the room you’re in now?”
I take a deep breath and look around. Odd shapes start to come into view. An elegant white room begins to take shape, and a piano is off in the corner being played.
“There’s a lot of white. Not like a medical building but more like wealth. I see a black grand piano in the corner. I think someone is playing it.”
“That’s good,” she says, and I feel my hand being squeezed. It helps the building anxiety calm.
“Now, what typically happens next?”
“I…I…” The force that always seems to loom behind me in the dream feels as if it starts to suffocate me from behind, preventing me from using my words.
“Arrow.”
I clench my hands so tightly, I worry I might hurt them. When a soft touch grazes my shoulder, the weight seems to fall away.
“You’re in charge here,” Laney whispers.
“Take back control,” Havoc says.
That suffocating feeling subsides as I stare at the door and finally begin to relax.
“When you’re ready, I want you to walk toward the door,” Dr. K says. “Only when you’re ready. Remember, this is like a train ride. You’re watching this happen and you’re in complete control.”
I take a few minutes to stare at the glowing nightmare in front of me. Part of me doesn't believe I won’t be shoved head first into the dark room, only lit by the light of the television, as soon as I move. When nothing happens, I take a step forward, then another. And another.
Slowly, I begin to believe I really am the one that has the control, but I hesitate when I reach for the handle.
“Do I have to?” I ask. I don’t think my voice is more than a whisper.
“You’re in control, but we can stop here if you’re not ready. It’s your decision to make, Arrow.”
I touch the handle, the round, cool glass of it feeling so real under my fingers, but then I remember what Dr. K said andchange my mindset. I don’t want to relive this moment sitting in the driver’s seat, I want to watch it on a screen in front of me.
So, I let the room fade away and imagine myself on a train, riding through the house at my own pace. I let it slip through the door and into the room that’s been haunting my dreams.
