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The scene before me plays out like a well-rehearsed movie as that day comes flooding back in a torrent. I watch as I find my brother’s body, laid in his bed as if he were sleeping. I remember hearing my father yell at the nanny, who was also my mom’s sister, as she explained that he deserved it for talking back to her one too many times.
I see myself huddled in the corner as they all fought, watching as my father drew out a gun and shot my aunt in the face. My mother screams at him, falling to pieces over my brother as I sit there alone.
My father keeps screaming that someone was right while my mother tries to hit and kick at him, covered in her own sister’s blood. I hold my ears and cry to myself.
From that moment on, everything only got worse.
My father refuses to look at me and even takes it so far as to deny me access to the dining room so that he can eat his meals in peace. I know part of him blames me for not protecting my older brother, for not saying something sooner.
My mother takes to beating me. After she slaps me around for a while she will knock me down and kick me directly in my stomach before locking me in my room, starving me for days on end. She has the room stripped of everything except my bed and one blanket. The woman who gave me life even goes as far as to remove my window, saying I don’t deserve to be fully shielded from the elements.
I observe myself crying until I fell asleep at night. Remember the moments I stuck my head out of my window in search of water when it rained.
My small six year old body shivers under the metal frame of the bed in search of reprieve from the harsh, blustering wind. That’s when Ma comes to save me. That’s when she asks me to forget. Only once I hear my mother’s name do I come back to myself.
Valentina.
When I open my eyes, my cheeks are wet. I wipe at them as the room comes into view. I was aware that I was narrating everything I saw aloud as I watched it all go by, but it’s shocking to come back to the present for a minute.
This is why I wanted to put it back in that box and never deal with it again.
Havoc pulls me into his chest and Laney hugs my back. We stay like that until it feels like my heart beats a little bit slower, and I can process what I just saw.
I have no doubt this is the first of many sessions on the topic of my mother, but the fact that I was able to get to all of the memories in one go definitely feels like progress. When I look over at Dr. K with her hand to her mouth, another memory rushes to the front of my mind.
“Beau?”
“Klara?”
Chapter 21
Holy fucking shit. Shit on a fucking stick, it’s him. It’s Beau. I’ve dedicated the last 24 years of my life searching for this boy. He was so small when I knew him; I never would have been able to put it together without his mother’s name, and all of the little details he gave of his life in that house.
I left them right after I told Valentina about the abuse and she tried to have me killed. I figured she had no idea what was happening, but her response was shocking. I tried to go to her husband, but because she ran me out of the house, I was only able to leave him a letter.
Tears fill my eyes for the loss of his brother. I knew the abuse had been escalating. Renesda was Valentina’s sister, and she believed in strict discipline as well as even harsher punishments. Beau and Amor were just two young boys who loved to play games and never took life too seriously.
When I was hired by their father to help him investigate their discipline issues, I confirmed for him that they were just boys with strong personalities. He asked me to stay on the staff and work with them to help them channel their energy more productively. It took a while before things took a dramatic shift. But the day I found out about the abuse, things went downhill quickly.
I tried so hard to protect them, but at the time I didn’t have any connections or a way to keep them safe if I happened to get them out. Beau was only four at the time and his brother was six. It was less than two years after I went into hiding that I received the news about Amor.
It was then that I swore on my grave, I would stop at absolutely nothing to get revenge on his mother and her sister. I thought her sister had disappeared into thin air, but it turns out she had already paid for her sins. Now, there is just one left to go.
I watch Beau as the realisation dawns on him and he begins to recognise me. Right as I say his name, he whispers mine. It’s actually hilarious that I was in the bathroom an hour ago giving myself a pep talk about my secret identity, only for the kid I’ve spent most of my life looking for, to come in as a grown man and blow it to fucking smithereens.
“What happened to you?” he asks.
I don’t want to tell him everything, but I feel like I have to. He just shared the most vulnerable piece of his past with me. I need to shut the therapist book and do the same.
So, that’s exactly what I do. I tell him everything I did to try and save him. How I had planned to come back for him. He tells me all about the woman who saved him and how he lost her.
I walk them through all the plans I’ve been making for the past twelve years after I finally made some connections. I’ve been able to move up my timeline because of Alexi’s generosity, and Evie’s insistence that this isn’t something I am going to do alone. She won’t take over, but man that woman is fierce in protecting those she cares for. I was lucky to make it onto that list.
“Do you happen to have a picture of this woman anywhere?” Havoc asks me after we talk for a while. I am concerned with his facial expression.
As a therapist, I tend to have the ability to see what other people are thinking, but these mafia men always give me a run for my money in that department.
“Actually, I do.” Pulling my phone from my bag, I bring up the contact of the person who’s been helping me with my plan.
