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He watched as the fiery, wild Ava he knew and expected, melted when she saw her baby. She pulled him into her arms, squeezing him tight while she talked to him softly. Then she frowned at Makaii.
“I know what you’re doing. I need to talk to your father. That’s not going to change.” She looked over at Nubia, then noticed him, but he looked away when she addressed his aunt.
“Hey, Nubia. So good to see you.” She reached out in a hug. “Thanks for taking care of my little man. He give you any troubles this week? My mom said he acted like he ran the place over there.”
“Oh, no. He’s a doll. Much sweeter than any of my boys ever were at this age.”
“Good. I appreciate all the other things you’ve done in the past three weeks for Bailey. Who knew I couldn’t leave in a time of peace?” She laughed lightly, her mood drastically changed. Just when he thought she would ignore him, she handed Kuraii back to Makaii, then turned to him. He stiffened when she came closer, grabbing his hand and pulling him to standing.
She should be mad at him. Mad for not going against Axel, for not giving Bailey her space, for not—
Instead, she pulled him into a tight hug, arms locked around his waist, face smushed into his chest. He squeezed her back, the fear he had messed up his only link to his mate gone.
Without letting go, she murmured into his shirt. “I’m so sorry, Nassau. I can’t make her decisions for her, but I’m rooting for you, just like I’m rooting for her. I know you’re hurting. She is too. She’s been hurting for a while with this decision.”
His breath was shaky and long, and he closed his eyes against her words, like he could ward off the pain. So, when she pulled away, they sat down, and she pulled his face into her hands to look him in the eyes.
“You’re perfect for each other. You just have to figure out how to make your lives work together. Don’t give up on my friend. Please.”
His voice was cracked and hoarse, unrecognizable to even himself. “How do I fix this? What do I do?”
She shook her head, the sad and frustrated look in her eyes not helping. “Like I told her, that’s something you must figure out. There’s no quick solution. She will always be who she is, and you will be who you are. You need to find where you crossover.”
“I am…I don’t know who I am without her or without this pack, and one doesn’t go with the other…there’s no crossover.”
She shook her head. “You’re the crossover. It’s you. But who do you want to be? You’re the smartest man I know. The most logical. But you have been standing to the side, watching others while they have fun. You’re her logic, and she’s your fun. Use all that information you’ve stored over the years and figure out who you are. I’ve got your back. I promise.” She stood, squeezing his shoulder as he leaned into his hands. “Just not like Axel did. That’s a whole other issue.”
Her words rang in his ear, and on one hand, he had no clue what to do, but on the other, he still had hope. When Bailey told him Ava helped her with the necklace, and she knew the whole time, he had felt like shit. Like even Ava thought he wasn’t good enough.
Lost in thought, he didn’t notice when Makaii and Ava disappeared to find Axel, but when he looked up from his hands, only Nubia and Kuraii sat in front of him.For a long moment, they sat in silence, and just when he decided to go home, she spoke softly.
“You know, everyone has always said how much like your father you are. His little twin. Quiet, rule-following, responsible. I loved that about you growing up. Hoped you would rub off on Keoni. But I see more than your father in you. My sister is in there too. People forget how they were as children. And you? You had so many dreams, just like Ife.” She paused, moving Kuraii around to let him crawl on the floor. “Something Bailey brought up at our dinner last week got me thinking. She asked your mom what you were like as a child. I thought that unusual at first, but your mom reminded us all how much you loved the rodeo. How you watched NPR faithfully. How you would sleep in the stables with your favorite horses, pretending you were a rodeo star, a bronc rider. That lasted years…what, up until you were almost a teenager?”
He nodded and sighed. Bailey had brought that up to prove her point about her own dreams. “All children have those dreams. We all grow up.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But I know you didn’t dream of sitting in an office behind a desk. Just like Ife dreamed of more. Dreams are a part of us. Don’t lose your dreams, your mate, your life because of duty. I think as adults, we lose sight of that until it’s too late.”
“That doesn’t matter anymore.”
“Doesn’t it? There’s always time.” She pulled his hands in hers, squeezing. “I think you need to talk to your father. And not the short conversations where he tells you what to do, and you walk away. You need to understand him, and the reasons he does things. Both of you assume you can understand the world by sitting back and observing, but you’re missing out on a big chunk of it. Sometimes you need to experience it. You’re missing the big picture.”
Chapter 29
Saturday, December 11
11:00 a.m.
“I’m leaving after this weekend. No matter what. I can’t sit around here anymore, Ava.”
“Have you gotten any emails? Any kind of communication from him?”
“No.” She had. The emails had come in almost nonstop the last two weeks, and she had ignored them all. She’d stopped blocking them though. No point anymore.
“It’s not smart to leave. I need you here to keep you safe.”
She sat silently, staring out at the water from Kathleen’s deck. “You’re starting to sound like them. For my safety. Blah blah blah.”
Ava cut her eyes over to her and frowned. “I don’t want to lose you.”
