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Now, she sat on Makaii’s bed, staring at his empty, military-style room, reminding herself this wasn’t the life for her. She didn’t want to live in Tuisa, trapped inside its boundaries, having babies, and watching Nassau break horses. No matter how hot he was, no matter how she felt when he was around, she wanted more than that life.
And she wouldn’t get it if she gave in. She wouldn’t get it if he thought there was even a possibility of forever here. So, she was stuck again, trying to decide if she should tell him and let him really hate her, or keep him in the dark forever, but safe from the pain. Eventually, he would choose a mate, have the life he wanted, and never experience the pain of rejection. He would never have to feel the heartbreak she was going to bring on herself. She deserved it. He didn’t.
Burying herself in the pillows, and muffling the cries that came, she didn’t realize how many emotions she had been holding back all day, but when the sobs came, they wracked her body, hurting her chest and draining her. She didn’t know how long she laid there, but she was staring blankly at the wall when Keoni knocked, then stuck his head in.
“You still mad at me? Brought you some food. My mom’s a great cook, and you missed dinner.”
She sat up numbly, barely acknowledging him when he sat the food on the side table.
“Thanks.”
He didn’t answer, only sitting beside her, pulling her in for a silent bearhug. She wrapped her arms around him, feeling like she was holding on for dear life and wishing the hug was coming from Nassau instead. And that thought caused her to tear up once again, but she held back. It’s not like it wasn’t obvious she’d been crying, but Keoni was the only one other than Ava and Cassie who knew why.
“I know I’m not Ava, and I know I am a little biased, but things could be worse, right?”
She pulled away, fighting her sniffles. “How? I’m literally trapped here as bait, hiding from a crazy stalker. Forced to sit out in the open and watch my fated mate sweat and breathe all day—which is somehow all it takes for me now—and it could be worse? How? I’ve done a great job of making him hate me, which I’m not even sure I want anymore. My best friend is gone, my parents are being hidden away from me, and I’m surrounded by a pack of men who keep hitting on me. In. Front. Of. My. Mate. Please tell me how it could be worse. Enlighten me.”
The tension and anger bubbling under the surface of her tears boiled over, and she was practically yelling at Keoni when she was done, but he only grinned.
“Your mate could be Travis.”
She stared at him in disbelief for a second before all the tension released from her body, and she laughed. Not a quick, short giggle. Long and hard, she laughed until she was breathless and delirious. As she wiped the tears from her eyes, she leaned back on the pillows to stare up at the ceiling. “You’re right. That would be absolutely awful. Could you imagine? He needs a mate as special as him, and I should fall to my knees every day thanking the Moon Goddess that it’s not me.”
He joined her, and side by side, they laid there talking…about the mate tour, about mates, about life. Out of all the Tuisa Alpha’s sons, he knew what it was like to want to get away, to experience something new.A second-born, someone with no real pack designation, a spare to the heir, someone to take advice from, but no real place left when his brother took over. He’d shared comments before, hinting at his frustration, but now, she wasn’t the only one vulnerable, the only one annoyed at the limitations of the old-school Tuisa mentality.
“I get the idea of feeling stuck, of not getting to experience what else is out there, but I can’t imagine never knowing the love of a fated mate. It’s always described as so magical, so fulfilling. It’s a problem, for sure. Especially since I joined the tour, or even since I left with Makaii, there’s so much more to the world. And I want to see it.”
“Yet, here you are, still following orders.”
For once, Keoni didn’t speak, and she felt bad.
“I’m sorry. It’s your way of life. I just feel caged, especially here. In Aisling, we come and go freely from our world to the human world, and I always knew I wanted to be out there somehow. And now I’m here, and Tuisa is so different, I would…I would lose myself here.”
“I know.”
His answer was so simple, and she expected something different, a fight for his friend, a defense for his pack.
“But…he’s so…I don’t know how to describe the feeling. It’s so hard to resist. I don’t know how Ava and Makaii did it for months.”
Keoni rolled on his side, facing her, and propped his head on his hand. “So, it’s like they say? It’s instant?”
“Yes and no. Instincts were immediate. But every moment I spend with him…even the way he breathes and moves, I’m drawn to him. He is too, without knowing it. So, if I’m stuckhere, I can’t let those feelings get stronger. I somehow want him to like me, yet hate me all at once. To make him want to stay away.”
“Is that why he was in a shit mood when he dropped you off.”
Heat rushed to her face. “Yeah. Isaiah showed up acting like himself. I wanted to teach Isaiah a lesson, and…” She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter what he thinks about me. It’s better this way.”
“Are you ever going to tell him then?”
“I don’t know.” She whispered that, closing her eyes, and wishing there was an easier answer, and long after darkness fell, Keoni rose from the bed, closing the door softly behind him.
Chapter 13
Wednesday, November 17
11:55 p.m.
He stood in the shadows, catty-cornered from the packhouse, watching both the window and the back door. From here, he could see the street, but he had a feeling she would climb out her window any second. He’d already approached the guards who constantly circled the packhouse, watching for Bailey’s stalker, and they knew he was there keeping his own watch.
