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I think that’s what hurts the most. He just got over me in a matter of days. Not even a whole week, just a few days. He is moving on with his life and I’m just here suffering.
He is going to be happy with someone else and I’m just going to be here all alone. Possible forever. Or until the label set me up with someone, which they were already pushing for.
The label was already pushing for Skylar again, but I just can’t do it. I can be with anyone right now, or possibly ever again. I may possibly love Wes until I die. I may never get over him.
He is the first man I ever loved, and I don’t think I have the capacity to love another.
I cry my eyes out until Sue comes back with an eye mask.
“You can’t let them know you are falling apart. It will be all over the news. And you can’t let him think he is getting to you.”
I don’t say anything to that. I just put the ice mask over my eyes and try not to cry anymore.
“I got you a pick-me-up, I’ll give it to you before the show.”
“Thank you.”
Sue has really been being nice to me these last few days. I know the label is putting pressure on her to get me to hook up with Skylar, but she hasn’t been pushing me to do anything. She’s been just letting me hide out on the bus and in my dressing room. She’s been really lax on the rules, too. Allowing me to lay in my bunk most of the day.
I hear her walk away and sigh. I really wish I had some way to release the pent-up pain. I wish I could throw up or cut. I wish I could do anything to take away even an ounce of the pain I’m feeling right now.
I miss him so much. I wish I was stronger. I wish I could’ve been better for him. I wish I was someone deserving of him.
I wish it didn’t take him just a few days to move on. I wish I meant more to him.
I lay there with the ice mask on my face until it’s no longer cold and I take it off. I lay in my bunk until Sue comes and gets me for doors.
I’m walking to the venue when I spot Wes again. He is talking to the same girl, and I feel sick to my stomach. Who is she? Is she just a fling or would he fall for her?
This time he looks my way and stops talking for a moment. He nods his head at me slightly and I just look away. I quickly walk the rest of the way to the venue without looking back at him.
Once inside I start toward my dressing room when Skylar stops me.
“Hey.” He says, standing in front of me. “Haven’t seen much of you lately. How have you been?”
“Fine.” I lie with a shrug. “You?”
I know the label is pushing for him and me to be a couple or something but I really don’t want to be talking to him right now. I want to be hiding in my dressing room, waiting for my pick me up from Sue.
“Good. Want a drink?”
I want to say no, but I also want a drink. A drink would be nice. I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in days.
“Sure.”
If Wes could talk to a girl, I could talk with Skylar.
“Come on.” He motions forward, and I follow him to the drink table. “What would you like?”
“Vodka.”
“Mixer?” He asks, picking up a bottle of vodka. I shrug. He pours some vodka into a plastic cup and adds a splash of cranberry juice to it. He hands it to me. “Here.”
“Thank you.” It’s not as smooth as when Wes made me one, but it’s vodka, so I’m not complaining.
I watch as he makes himself a drink and takes a sip of it.
“Do you want to get something to eat after the show?” he asks.
