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This time, I’d imagined the horror of what he’d deserved and it came to fruition.
The whole of it flooring me—that I could be so callous—but also that I was doing what needed to be done.
I backed away, having to stop at the stone wall adjacent to the door, and I leaned against it, heaving breath after breath. Much of the death raging inside of me was gone, but so much of it still brewed deep within me after what Damen had just described remained vivid and horrendous in my mind.
I glanced down at the phone on the floor. “Tell me the other ones are here as well.”
“There is one more. Opposite cell.”
I went to the next cell. I needed no prompts from Damen on this one. Just walked in and decimated him.
Yet even when I was done, I was wishing there were ten more of them for how I needed them to pay for what they did.
Five. He’d said there were five. Where was the last one?
I moved out into the main corridor.
My head swiveled at the many closed doors of the cells around me, bloodlust invading my brain.
But no. Stop.
Even through the fog of death that had invaded my mind, I realized I would have to reconcile this. Reconcile my killing and then hoping their souls were doomed to the deepest, most torturous corners of hell.
This wasn’t me. But it was me.
It had to be. I just had to figure out where to put this in my mind—where it could exist with my own humanity, which had always been my guiding light.
The manic energy still ricocheted in my body, and it was starting to converge, headed for my brain, and I collapsed onto the cold stone floor of the undercroft.
Heaving. Concentrating on breath after breath. More air into my lungs. More.
I stared at the phone on the floor several feet away, trying to find my voice, to ask Damen for help before I went completely under.
“Can you do one more?” Damen’s voice behind me.
His words a balm to the pain starting to invade my head, I heaved a breath and nodded.
His arms wrapped around me, gentle, like he was afraid he might break me when he knew full well he could not.
He set me on my feet and waited until my eyes found his.
“I’m going to be in the room with you.”
My head snapped back. “No. Absolutely not.”
He caught my face in his hands, making me look at him.
“I trust you, Ada. I have never trusted anyone or anything as much as I trust you. You are not going to let anything happen to me.”
My head was shaking, shaking so hard his hands had to leave my face and they landed on my shoulders. But he wasn’t accepting my answer without a fight.
“You know we need to do this. We need to do this for you to ever have any sort of peace with what you are, what is inside of you. Real, full peace. You need this. You need to do this with me in the room, with me as the guinea pig.”
A strangled sob came choking out of my throat.
His hands clamped back onto the sides of my face. “If knowing what you can and cannot do is the difference between saving one of our children’s lives in the future, we need to know it now. You need to be able to do this and know you’re not going to kill me. And I need you to be able to do this.”
I nodded
