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That was why she looked familiar!
I skipped back through the video to look at her photograph. She looked like a female version of Xavier. The same eyes, the same skin, the same thick lips. She was carrying more weight in her cheeks and obviously she didn’t have a beard — but otherwise, she could have been Xavier wearing a wig.
“Oh my God,” I breathed, and Jackson nodded.
“He hates to talk about it. But that’s why he’s been so protective of you.”
It all made sense now — his eagerness to offer a stranger somewhere to stay, the disappointment in his eyes when I turned him down, and the warnings he’d given me.
He felt guilty for not being able to protect his sister, and he knew what I was risking more than I did. Her relationship paralleled mine with Nathan, all the way down to criticizing the necklines on her dress and the food she cooked, except his sister — Vanessa — had made shepherd’s pie for him and the kids, and instead of throwing it at the wall, he tossed it in the trash.
“Why doesn’t he have any photos of her upstairs?” I asked. Ever since my mom died, I kept a framed photo of her everywhere I went. But while the apartment was full of art and books, I couldn’t remember seeing a single family photo.
“Too painful,” Jackson said. “He doesn’t like to talk about it.”
The video became more gruesome: nobody knew exactly what happened to Vanessa, and her husband hadn’t been prosecuted. All anyone had confirmed was that all four of them went into the ocean on a fishing trawler, and only the husband came back. He said the right things to the lifeguard on the beach — that his daughters had fallen overboard and his wife dived in to save them, and they’d all disappeared. When the husband jumped in afterward, he couldn’t find any trace of either of them, but suspected they were caught in a rip or pulled into the depths by a shark.
What made the case suspicious was his reaction after the so-called accident. Vanessa’s husband — Duane — moved on quickly, marrying his next girlfriend within three months, selling the house and all of Vanessa’s and their kids’ possessions. Friends and family, including Xavier, raised the alarm that something wasn’t right, but due to a lack of evidence or witnesses, Duane had never gone to prison. Without any progress, the media lost interest in the case and it was abandoned, only being brought up again by cold-case enthusiasts on social media.
It was terrifying.
What if Nathan did the same thing to me? Making me disappear without a trace wouldn’t be hard — like Vanessa, I wasn’t a strong swimmer. Aside from Cora and the guys, I didn’t have friends and family checking up on my whereabouts. If I vanished, and the guys weren’t in my life, how long would it take someone to notice? Most of my recurring payments were automated and came out of my account without me even having to log in. My mom was dead, my dad left when I was a baby, and I didn’t have any siblings or a job where people would notice I hadn’t shown up.
I’d been keeping everyone at a distance, figuring that if I died young, it would be easier to go through it knowing that nobody would miss me.
But what if I was making a huge mistake? What if, by protecting everybody else, I was creating an enormous weakness in my life that Nathan could use to his advantage?
Jackson sat back and examined his work, looking at it with a critical eye.
“I think that’s enough for today,” he said. “The more I go over these colors, the more it’s going to hurt.”
I was feeling troubled after seeing that video, and I was happy to have some time alone.
“Deal,” I said, and dug into the pocket of my jeans for the cash I’d tucked in there this morning, from the envelope Xavier had given me. “How much do I owe you?”
Jackson shook his head.
“Nothing. We tattoo each other for free, around here.”
That revelation surprised me. I’d never thought about where the guys might have had their tattoos done, but it made sense that they would do each other’s. It seemed like an oddly intimate bond for them to have — almost like family. They didn’t just work and live together — they’d actually pierced each other’s skin.
I wasn’t sure why it felt so significant, but it did.
31
EMMA
Iwas still feeling shaken the next day when Xavier drove me to Helen’s house to pick her up for her doctor’s appointment.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I suppose my tattoo hurts.”
It was true, to a degree, but it wasn’t why I was quiet. Those news reels kept playing over and over in my head. I’d rewatched them that night and couldn’t stop imagining myself in the place of those women. I was scared of Nathan before, but now, seeing exactly what he might be capable of, I wasterrified.
I was glad Xavier was with me, and when he left the car to get Helen, I was on high-alert, scanning my surroundings for any movement. Helen’s road was quiet, but every time a car drove past, I sank into my seat and watched with my hand on the door handle, ready to get out and run.
“How are you going?” Helen asked as she climbed into the back with Xavier’s help.
