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Flopping back on my bed, I curl up on top of the covers and stare into space, unable to keep my thoughts from shifting from my boss at work to that of Beast. It’s not hard to do. Beast is the man I’ve always wanted, and he put the friendship rule in place.
God, seeing him tonight reminds me of what I wanted before that day.
I squeeze my eyes shut and try to shove the memory back down. It’s what I’ve done every day for a while now. To get past it, I try to forget all of it. At least for a while each day. At night, it’s harder. I don’t sleep for long. If I do, the nightmares come and haunt me. Those nightmares are filled with images of Potter, the man who hurt me, and Beast leaving me. Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me and mixes my desire for Beast with everything else, making things confusingly worse.
There’s not really a way to explain it to anyone for it to make sense. At least to anyone other than me.
Now that I’ve seen him again, that feeling of hurt is back in full force, and I don’t know what to do with it. I ache for him, and I’ve never even been touched by him in any other way than a simple hug every once in a while. Most of the time, it was a fist bump.
I need to simply forget about him and move on. I shouldn’t dwell on the past. It’s time to move forward. I’ve gotten myself a place to live. A new job. A kitty that I love. I just need to get past the pain of what I’ve been through, and I’ll be good.
But how do I do that when all I want to do is hold on to the one man I can’t have, nor does he want me.
CHAPTER 3
BEAST
Sometimes, it just pays off to get up in the morning, especially after spending a weekend partying with my brothers. Being away for as long as I was, it felt damn good catching up with them. The PPs didn’t even play a part in the weekend. Other than the first night where I imagined it was Bristol on her knees with her mouth around my dick. I was barely able to keep a hard-on long enough to get off. I figured the rest of the weekend, I’d get shit-faced and shoot the breeze with my brothers. We ended up going to the strip club to watch the girls on stage Saturday night, and on Sunday, I stayed at the clubhouse drinking and playing poker along with Diablo and a few others.
I shouldn’t have drank all weekend. Not when I knew I needed to be up first thing this morning. I told Ghost I’d come to the garage and help out. We’ve got a large shipment of cars that need to get ready to go out and we’re slammed with legit work there as well. He needs all hands on deck in order to get shit done.
With my head pounding, I shut off the alarm on my phone, throw the covers off me, ignore the hard-on I’m sporting, and get out of bed. I make my way to my bathroom and step in the shower before turning on the water. I bite back the curse as the cold water wakes me the hell up. Standing under the water, I let it rain over me as it heats up, my eyes closed.
There’s not much I can do about the headache other than suffer through it. Washing up, I finish my shower without stroking my dick like I’m tempted to.
Friday night, after dropping my shit off in my room, I wasn’t surprised to find Bristol took off. But I didn’t miss the fact the ol’ ladies weren’t happy about it. I’m getting the sense they were hoping to play matchmaker, and that shit’s not about to happen. Not with Bristol, or anyone else.
Shutting the water off, I step out and grab a towel to dry off. Finishing the rest of my routine, I get dressed. Once ready, I grab my keys and leave the room in search of coffee. Caffeine will go a long way in helping this headache. If it doesn’t, it’ll make for a long day working in the garage.
“Yo, Thanatos,” I call out from where I was working under the hood of a car. So far, from what I’m finding, there’s nothing wrong. But it’s got a check light on, and Reaper asked me to take a look at it after bringing it in. “Can I get a hand over here? Need you to turn the key for me.”
“Yeah, give me a sec,” he shouts back over the music and sound of air-compressed tools being used. A moment later, his shadow comes over as he moves toward the driver’s side and slips in behind the wheel. “You ready?”
“Turn the key.” The car cranks over smoothly. “Alright, you can stop,” I yell and straighten. I decided just to pull the diagnostic reader out and see what that says. I was hoping it would be something simple I could see or hear, but I guess it’s not going to be that way.
“What are you doing working on Bristol’s car?” Thanatos’s questions, causing me to still and look at him.
“This is Bristol’s piece of shit car?” It’s not a total piece of shit, but it’s also not the same one she used to have.
“Yeah, she sold her car to make it more affordable when she bought her house,” Thanatos states, shrugging. “This car has been nothing but a nightmare since she got it. One thing after another.” He keeps talking, but I’m stuck on the fact she bought her a house. I knew she’d moved back out, but I guess I didn’t realize she’d gotten a house. I figured she’d have gotten an apartment or something with the way Diablo talked about it.
What the fuck is she doing buying a house if she knows she can’t afford it and the car she did have?
“Last time I looked at it, and I can say this,” Thanatos says, moving to lean against the toolbox off to the side. “This car has new brakes, calibers, and spark plugs. We’ve changed the tire rod-ins, shocks, all the filters, flushed the radiator and oil.”
“Is that all?” I grumble, narrowing my eyes on the other man.
“Oh, and air intake has been changed out.”
“Right.” I shake my head and sigh. “Guess I better get to it and find out what the hell else could be wrong with the damn thing. Is she picking it up here or what?”
“Don’t know.”
Great.
Without responding, I move in behind the wheel and find the port I need to plug in the scanner under the steering wheel. I go through the process and grit my teeth together when I see what the scanner says. Misfire on several spark plugs. If this piece ofjunk just had new ones put in, then it could be the coils are going bad. It’s not a hard fix, just a pain in the ass.
Muttering a curse, I get to it, hoping to get done and out of here before she arrives. I don’t need to be around when she comes in for it. I’ve got other shit that needs to be taken care of. Like maybe finding a bitch who I can use to fuck Bristol out of my system. If I were a total dick, I’d go straight to the woman herself and make it happen. But I’ve gotta feeling that if I were to do that, I’d end up fucking up because I’m pretty sure there’s no getting her out from under my skin. She’s burrowed in there pretty damn deep.
