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“What’s going on, Dave?” I ask, anxiety thrumming through me.
Lucas comes out of the bathroom and joins us at the table, both of them sharing knowing glances.
“Kota,” Lucas begins, his tone soft and sad, “You know that Dave and I have loved this assignment. We’ve grown quite fond of you and Aiden.”
It hits me like a ton of bricks. They’ll be leaving us. Not like abandoning us but choosing to find a new assignment. It shouldn’t hurt or shock me but…it does. I guess I have grown rather fond of these two grumps as well.
At the end of the day though, the threat is very real. I can’t blame either of them for jumping ship. Being around Aiden and me is dangerous and they don’t want to risk their lives to take care of us. I’m not upset at them per se, but it does sting to know they are bailing right when things get shitty.
“Okay,” I murmur, unable to form a reply that is better than that.
Dave grabs my hand in his and squeezes, his brow furrowing, “Now, none of that. We aren’t leaving because wewantto.”
My brows furrow in confusion. I know for a fact that if Spence was reassigning them against their will, he would have told me. He doesn’t hide anything from me. “Then…why?”
Lu leans back in his chair, a pained expression on his face, “As much as I hate to admit it, both of us are getting old, Kota. Dave is up for retirement next year and I’m up for it the year after. We both agreed we aren’t as capable as we used to be.”
My mouth drops open, ready to fight him on this but Dave interrupts, “Now don’t try and blow smoke up our ass, kid. You and Aiden deserve to have the best protection available and it's just not us anymore.”
Tears fill my eyes as I look at the two men who have become family. I’m not naive, I know that we are a job to them but that doesn’t change the memories we made. The breakfasts spent together chatting, the movie nights we had, or the fact that they were always willing to spend time with Aiden. They have becomemoreover the last two years.
And now they are backing away because of our safety. They are putting Aiden and me first, which means more than they could know. I won’t admit this out loud but I was ridiculously hurt at the idea of them leaving because they didn’t wanna deal with our bullshit.
“Spence agrees, Kota,” Lucas murmurs, his weathered eyes crinkling as he frowns.
I nod and clear my throat, forcing the tears away, “I understand. I really do.”
Dave stands and gives me a quick hug before retreating to the bathroom.
“Go spend some time with Aiden,” Lucas orders, a soft smile taking over the frown he was sporting, “I’ve got to call Spence and get info on the guys replacing us. And make sure we have a place designated and that they are getting ready for you. We won’t leave until the handover with the new team is complete.”
Standing I stride over to Lucas and throw my arms around his neck, giving him a tight hug and murmuring, “Thank you for everything.”
My big gruff guard clears his throat and sniffles, “Anytime, kid.”
When I get back to my room, Aiden is already asleep, tuckered out from the quick escape and hours in the car. Lookingdown at his peaceful sleeping face I’m damn near brought to tears. He looks so much like me. I was afraid…for a long time that he might end up looking like his father. But he’s more me than anything. Dark wavy hair, bright green eyes, and a thin wiry frame.
For a long time I felt guilty over wanting him to look nothing like his dad. I thought it made me less of a good mom to think that it would be harder. That seeing the man who hurt me in the boy that I love would be enough to send me over the edge. But it didn’t end up mattering because Aiden is just another version of me.
But more than that I’m grateful for the kind and understanding kid that I was blessed with. Our life isn’t easy. We have constant changes and he never gets to feel settled but he rarely complains. He’s empathetic and smart and so fucking funny. He’s going to grow up and be a really good husband and father someday.
I head into the bathroom, close the door quietly, and start the shower. The steam billows around the room as I undress, avoiding looking into the mirror. I don’t want to see the bags under my eyes or the way my hair is greasy and sticking in all directions. But more than that I don't want to see the scars that poke out through my tattoos.
When I climb into the shower, the weight of everything crashes into me and a small sob escapes. I don’t care what anyone says, shower breakdowns are therapeutic as fuck. And right now, I need it. So I let the tears spill and I bite on my lip to keep the sobs semi-silent as I grieve my home in Maine and the loss of two guys who have made me feel safe.
Once again, my past has caught up and decided to steal from me. I’m so tired of him being able to take from me. I refuse…fucking refuse for him to win though. I can take this moment and break down but when I leave this room I will come out stronger.He didn’t break me. He didn’t. And I swear I’ll keep repeating that until I believe it.
Chapter 4
Dakota
“Family is not an important thing. It's everything.” - J.K. Rowling
Everything hurts. My limbs feel like they have been pummeled into the ground and my head is pounding violently. There’s a constant throbbing inside of my head. It feels like someone is squeezing my brain and trying to force it through my eyeballs. And what the hell is that horrible beeping noise?
Slowly I peel my eyes open and wince at the blinding lights above me. The sharp pain expands from my eyes to my temples and then around to the base of my neck as I suck in a deep breath. What the hell is going on? Where am I?
It takes a minute but then, it floods back like some kind of fucked up movie - every single god-awful moment. I don't know how long it's been since he found me. I don't know how long it’s been since he broke my fight and my body. All I know is that I need it to stop. I need the flooding of memories to disappear before I lose my goddamn mind.
