AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The beeping increases and the sound of a door opening causes my heart to pound in my chest. Oh god, is he back? Is he here? He’s going to fucking kill me this time. There’s no fucking way I can make it through this again. I can’t…I won’t-
“Take a deep breath, honey,” a feminine voice says softly from close to my side and I flinch.
What the fuck?
I snap my eyes open and they land on an older woman in bright blue scrubs with her white hair piled onto her head. She's looking at me like…like she feels bad for me. I tear my gaze from her and take in the room around me.
Sterile white walls. Beeping monitors. Bags of fluids. Metal trays. The smell of antiseptic. Hospital…I’m in a hospital. The beeping that is continuing to increase is attached to me…so heart rate I guess. And there are tubes and wires all over my arms, leading to different monitors and bags of fluid.
Fuck, my body hurts. I glance down at the gown covering my body and a sob escapes me when I finally can pinpoint my pain - and every single memory attached to it. My stomach is on fire and my thigh is burning…between my legs, it feels like someone tried to rip me in half.
Another sob bubbles up at that thought because I guess he did try to do that. He managed to take something from me that I won’t ever get back. Why am I even alive? I don't want to fucking live like this. Broken and used and beaten. The room starts to spin and black dots dance in my vision as my breathing becomes even more uneven.
I can’t breathe….I can't fucking breathe.
I can hear the woman talking to me but I don't have any idea what she is saying. I can't stop the memories from playing in my mind like a fucking horror film.
Screaming in pain as a knife entered my stomach. Crying as my nails were ripped from my fingers as I dug them intothe hardwood floors and tried to crawl away from him. Deep manic laughter at my pain. Searing hot burning pain as he entered my body. Slapping and hitting him to try and dislodge his body from mine, only to take a fist to the temple. Grunting and groaning in my ear as he used my body.
Hands grip my face and drag me from my memories, my eyes landing on strong loving brown ones. Eyes that have always been associated with kindness and love. And now they’re looking down at me with a strength that I need to cling to.
Spencer. Is. Here.
Another sob and he’s dragging me into his chest and murmuring in my ear. Telling me he's here and everything is okay. Telling me he will protect me. I’m asleep moments later, being held by my brother as he makes promises that I pray he can keep.
I woke up sometime later, hours or days…I’m unsure, and Spencer was still there. He never abandoned me, even though I was a broken sobbing mess. I barely spoke for an entire month. He sat beside me and told me that our father was dead, that Rodrigo was caught and arrested, and that he was going to stay with me. He held my hand while I cried and listened to the doctors as they told us exactly what story my injuries had told them.
When I was discharged he whisked me away into witness protection and took on the duty as my first guard. He moved us to California and he waded through my trauma with me. That was a time that was ridiculously difficult for my brother. I don’t know how he managed to stay so strong through it all. I could barely function.
I didn't come back out of my depression until those two little pink lines told me that I was going to be a mom. I guess somepeople might have been horrified at the idea of carrying their rapist's child but I knew right away that this little life was mine. I was going to help him grow and give birth to him…it would be me who taught him how to write and read and what a good person looked like. I wouldn't let Rodrigo take this from me too. Because the moment I saw those little lines, I knew that I had a purpose again.
Spencer had never once asked me if I wanted to get rid of the life growing inside of me. I think he saw that Aiden brought me back to life before he was even born. I owe everything to that little boy.
It was because of him that I stopped contemplating ways to go to sleep and never wake up. It was because of his growing life that I decided to go into therapy and deal with my trauma. It was his existence that made me push to start working with Spencer and the Marshal Service.
That night was the worst of my life but it gave me the best part of me. My therapist and I had gone through a lot of deep dives about the situation before he was born. She was afraid that I would lose my shit when he was alive and breathing, that I might hurt him as some kind of fucked up revenge. But the second he let out his first cry I felt like everything in my world was pinpointed on that boy. I wanted him to feel nothing but love and understanding and peace.
That’s the crazy thing about becoming a parent. You grow this life inside you and you fall in love before you even set your eyes on them. Every little kick inside your belly just makes you love them harder. But I have never known love like the moment he took his first breath. I don’t know if everyone feels that shift but I did. It was the best moment of my life.
???
We are only a few hours from Estes Park, Colorado and I feel like my skin is crawling. I’m so tired of being in this goddamn car and listening to the same playlist that Dave has had on repeat. That and the fact that Aiden has started theare we there yetgame.
Pulling out my phone I shoot Spence a message.
Kota:Tell me about my new babysitters.
Spence:Please don’t call them babysitters to their face.
Kota:Do they have no sense of humor?
Spence:Not usually. I’ve had them on the books for a few years and they are the most focused team I have.
Kota:Great so you’re saying I’m stuck with two guys who are going to be extra stick in the mud.
Spence:Three.
Kota:Seriously?
