AllFreeNovel
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Spence:Duh.
Spence:You guys getting settled in ok?
Kota:Yeah, I already scoped out the office and I think I’m in love.
Not an exaggeration. That office is going to be my hidey hole for the next however long we are here. It's got everything I could possibly want. I’ll need to add the equipment I brought from Maine but still…there was already a wide array of tech that I could only have ever dreamed of.
Spence:Wow, I’m shocked. (In case you’re wonderin that’s sarcasm.)
Kota:Oh fuck off.
Spence:Sheesh angry little elf.
Spence:Your new team should be there tomorrow. Let me know how the intro goes.
Kota:I will.
Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath I pocket my phone and get ready for my night. The first thing I need is to wash away the travel. I don't care what anyone says, traveling makesyou feel dirty. I look around and groan at the pile of computer equipment I brought with me. Okay, scratch that…the first thing I need to do is set up…and then shower.
???
I’ve been standing in my overpriced and elegant shower for…well long enough for my fingers to be wrinkled. But I don’t want to step out of the warm stream.
I spent the entire afternoon setting up my office so that I could get right to work. It was nice to get it all ready for me but at the same time, I hated it. I don’t like the fact that I have to start over again: new network setups, new monitor placement, new goddamn chair. I was finally comfortable in Maine.
God, there I go. Again. I’m literally showering in a stall that probably costs five figures and I can’t find it in me to be grateful. Not exactly a stand-up role model huh?
That’s the thing though…I am grateful. We have been given a lot of security and freedom even while in the program. We’ve never been sent somewhere that was a shit hole or dangerous. Spencer has always ensured that I can continue to work and find my happy place.
I think I’m just tired. Tired of being lonely. Tired of not having a house that feels like a home. Tired of my son never having the chance to be a real kid. I’m just…exhausted.
Closing my eyes I lean under the spray and dive into one of my favorite memories.
“You could always just text me a picture of your beautiful face or…we could FaceTime?” Dam says in his deep rasping voice. It causes butterflies to erupt in my belly.
I turn over so I’m laying on my stomach on my bed, using my arm to pillow my head as I smile and reply in a sassy tone, “That would take away the magic, Dam.”
“Baby, nothing could take away our magic,” he purrs, his voice basically stroking along my ear.
I giggle and close my eyes, trying to imagine what he must look like in person. I bet he’s got dark hair and even darker eyes, with broad shoulders and bulging muscles. I know that even if he ended up being 5’5 and one-twenty soaking wet I would still be just as hopelessly in love with him. But what if he isn’t obsessed with how I look?
“Little Sunshine, are you ignoring me?” His voice breaks through my inner doubts and I smile at his nickname for me.
I sigh, “Of course, I’m not ignoring you…but I’m not ready to share pictures. I want to see you in person so I can know your reaction for myself.”
He hums but doesn’t argue, “Alright. Fine.”
I giggle again, loving how he sounds almost like he is pouting. I’ve never flirted with anyone other than Dam. He’s the only person I have ever felt this connection with. He just makes me so damn happy.
“You know I love you, right?” I whisper softly, my heart hammering in my chest.
“I love you, little sunshine,” he replies in a soft, genuine tone, “I always will.”
Blinking back tears, I shut off the shower and climb out, instantly wrapping a fluffy towel around my body. My favorite memories are about Damian. He was my rock during my teenage years. Once we had determined that we wanted to be more than just friends we spent hours upon hours on the phone or chatting on our gaming systems. And if we were talking, we were texting.Our letters may have slowed down but we never ended that either.
Sometimes I like to imagine that we would have met and instantly known that our connection was real. That the years of hiding behind screens and written letters were just really great foreplay. Other times I like to pretend that he moved on and got married, had a bunch of babies, and made his dream of playing professional football come true. He deserves all of those good things.
If I could reach out and look for him without sending up alarms I would. Just to know he’s okay. But it would only be dangerous and nothing good would come of it. It would be selfish to think that I deserve to know what his life looks like. Especially with how I just…ghosted him.
