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The conclusion…I’m a fucking mess. A confused, nervous, spiraling mess.
Dakota:Maybe.I don’t know if he would want to listen.
Dr. Montgomery:The fact that you think you have someone should be enough. Try and talk to him or her. It will help.
Dr. Montgomery:And I’ve added you to the schedule for next Monday at 1030.
Dr. Montgomery:No, I won't reschedule.
I scoff at her even though she isn't actually here to experience my ire. And then I take a deep breath and turn fully to Wolf. The second he senses my attention, he lowers the book he is reading and focuses on me.
“Would it be okay if I talked some things through with you?” I ask nervously, worried that he will laugh, and say fuck no. Hell, I wouldn't even blame the guy. “My uh..therapist says that I need to say how I feel out loud so I can stop letting my thoughts fester.”
Without even an ounce of hesitation, he nods, “Of course.”
Taking a deep breath I just start…talking, “I feel like I’m weak. Like I’m letting my fear get the better of me but I also don't know what else to do. I feel so…stuck.”
When I pause I expect him to jump in with platitudes or try and change my thoughts but he just keeps his gaze firmly on mine. He stays silent and waits, like he knows that I need to talk without feeling any kind of pressure. The strength he is radiating is enough to have me pushing forward.
“I’ve let him take so much from me. My entire life has been uprooted and now I’m afraid to even go on my morning run…which is something that I fucking love doing. I can’t keep living like this… worried that if I go outside he's going to be there waiting for me,” I take a deep breath before continuing, “My brain doesn't like me. I’m constantly overthinking and worrying. God, I was already full-on panicking about forcing you to be in my room while I slept and then this happened and now I feel like I'm a fucking embarrassing mess.”
Now that I’ve said everything out loud a giant weight just…vanishes. My mind needed me to vocalize my fears instead of letting them sit inside of me and fester.
“Dakota,” Wolf says calmly, and I look back at him to see him staring at me with determination, “He will never…and I mean never…get through me. Sebastian, Maddox, and I will lay down our goddamn lives before that man has a chance to get within spitting distance of you or Aiden.”
I nod, my eyes getting cloudy as tears start to build. The way he speaks with so much confidence and conviction is enough to make me feel ridiculously emotional.
“And don’t for one second think that I was upset about staying until you fell asleep,” he rumbles, standing up from the couch and coming closer to me. He takes my chin in his hand and forces my gaze to his, “I would watch you sleep every fucking night if it meant you got rest without your demons chasing you.”
???
Aiden lets out a huge yawn, rubbing his eyes and fighting to stay awake. He’s been a trooper on the movie marathon I forced the guys to join in on. After my talk with Wolf, I felt like I needed to reclaim myself, even if that meant movie night with my kiddo and the guys. I was grateful that they all seemed so interested in joining us for a movie and popcorn at home. It felt so…normal. Like I finally came out of the fog of depression I had been living in.
We are on our second film, some terrible sci-fi about space travel, and I have loved every second of it. Aiden curled up next to me for cuddles, which he hasn't done in years since he’s ‘a big kid’ now. I’ll never admit this out loud but I think that having him want to be near me means more than anything in this world.
“Time for bed, booger,” I murmur as he lets out another yawn.
“But.. it's not over,” he grumbles, rubbing his eyes again.
“I’m gonna turn in too, man,” Maddox speaks up and I shoot him a grateful smile, “We can finish it tomorrow, yeah?”
Aiden smiles and nods, “And we have to download the new Revenge of the Zombies.”
Maddox chuckles, “Of course we do. I bet this time I can beat you.”
Aiden snorts and climbs off the couch, leaning down to place a kiss on my cheek before heading out of the living room and into his room. Sebastian is passed out in the corner, snoring lightly and it makes me smile. The big goofball is really growing on me.
Maddox stands up and in a surprising turn of events, plants a soft quick kiss on my cheek, “Goodnight, guys.”
Then it's just me and Wolf, sitting in the living room with the TV paused and only the sound of Sebastian snoring. For some reason, tension floods me and I have the strangest desire to cuddle close to him. I don't, obviously. But I want to. I want to feel his arms around me again.
Instead, I stand up and shoot him a smile, “Guess I’ll head to bed.”
He studies me for a moment, causing my cheeks to heat before nodding, “Sounds good.”
Tell me why that disappoints me. Ugh. It’s like because I never got to have a normal teenage existence I have become a hormonal adolescent as a goddamn adult.
I give him a forced smile and head up the stairs with him trailing behind me. When I get to my room, I go to turn and tell him goodnight only to realize he is following me into my room.
