AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Thank you,” I whisper, tears beginning to fill my eyes.
He nods and drains his glance, nodding at mine. I follow suit. He grabs the glasses and heads to the sink before speaking, “Go get some sleep, Kota. Tomorrow is a new day…you’re safe. I won't let anything happen to either of you.”
I nod again and use the back of my hand to wipe away stray tears. Standing up I turn to thank him again but instead of voicing it I just walk right up to him and wrap my arms around his muscular waist. He stiffens momentarily but in the same second, he softens and hugs me back. He doesn't let go until I'm ready, and when he does, he places a kiss on the top of my head.
I wonder when was the last time that someone hugged the big guy and showed him that he was appreciated. Because what he did for me tonight? Opening up and telling me that I wasn't at fault…was the best gift anyone could give me. I hope that someday when these guys leave I can stay in touch…stay friends. Because being friends with Maddox seems like the best kind of gift.
Chapter 13
Dakota
"Avoidance is a simple way of coping by not having to cope." - Unknown
I’ve been holed up in my office for days. It’s been a week since Rodrigo broke out of prison and I can't seem to function like a human. All I want to do is hide in this room and never come out. I want to bundle Aiden up into bubble wrap and hide him away from all people.
The only times I have been making an appearance are when I need to take Aiden to school and pick him up. I’ve spent some time hanging out with him during meals but he seems content to hang out with the guys and play video games while I hide away like a hermit. I don't want to worry him and my kiddo is perceptive. He will see the pain and worry…the fucking anxiety that is clouding my mind.
The truth is that I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. The prison database was completely wiped. There is literally no footage of the inside or outside of the night that Rodrigo managed to slip away. It’s enough to have me on edge, just waiting for the moment when he pops out of nowhere. The fact that he has the resources and the help to escape amaximum security prisonandhave the only proof of who helped completely wiped away is beyond worrisome.
I’ve been watching the underground channels obsessively. Hoping that the Sandoval Cartel would open their big fat mouths and talk about Rodrigo. The problem is that after he was arrested and his brother took over, the cartel practically abandoned him. They don’t call or visit or speak of him. Not even a whisper since his arrest, and for some reason even his escape hasn’t changed the absolute silence surrounding him.
I know that the guys are really starting to worry about me. Wolf has spent more time sitting on the couch in the corner of my office than he has in his room. He’s tried coaxing me out to go on a run but I can't. My brain keeps telling me that I will go outside and Rodrigo will be there waiting in the shadows. It’s infuriating and demoralizing and downright fucking horrifying that once again I am letting this man destroy my progress.
Pulling out my phone I text my therapist.
Dakota:Can you give me techniques on how to stop overthinking?
I chuckle to myself because I can already see her exasperated expression when she reads this. Dr. Montgomery has been my therapist since the incident happened and she's well versed in how I handle my trauma. She also happens to be one of the few people who treats me like a person and not a job.
I think that's why I like the old bag so much. She's a fiery redhead who takes no shit and has never once allowed me to lie to myself. Even when I wish she would.
Dr. Montgomery:Well can you tell me why you’re overthinking?
Dakota:The same reason as I always am, doc. My fucked up brain has decided that I can't even leave this house because if I do he will find me.
Dr. Montgomery:First thing, Dakota, is that your brain is not ‘fucked up’. The mind is powerful, and right now, yours is trying to keep you safe in the only way it knows how. Secondly, overthinking isn’t wrong, and sometimes it's a sign that you need to talk about what is going through your head…out loud.
Dakota:I don't want to talk about it.
Dr. Montgomery:I’m sure you don't. That's normally how avoidance works.
I grimace at her words and sigh. She's not wrong. Obviously, I am avoiding this situation. Or at least I am avoiding how badly the situation is affecting me. I don't want to think about what is coming for me. I haven't even answered Spencer's calls lately. The only reason he hasn't broken the door down himself is because Wolf is in contact with him. Which I only know because Wolf has been begging me to respond to my brother.
I just can't. Spencer is the only person that I usually feel comfortable talking to. He’s been there through everything sohe gets me in a way no one else does. But at the same time…my thoughts and worries plague him. He takes what I feel and multiplies it by a million and then fucking blames himself. Which is ridiculous because he isn't at fault for how fucked up my head is.
Dakota:I don’t know how to voice my thoughts.
Dr. Montgomery:Well, you simply try. You say whatever is on your mind until you’re able to convey what’s happening in that smart head of yours.
Dakota:I don’t feel like I can call Spencer. That’s the only person I can talk to but right now I feel like if I call him, he would just panic with me.
Dr. Montgomery:Do you have anyone else you trust?
I glance back at the couch over my shoulder and take in the hulking man who has become a fixture in my life. Trust is something that is difficult for me to give. But for some reason, I know I can trust Wolf. I know all the way down to my marrow that he would take care of me.
Even after the whole nightmare thing and me worrying that he would be freaked out by me, I know I can at least trust him. He may notwantme the way I want him but he wouldn't hesitate to help me. Or protect me. He’s good at his job. No,he's great at his job. And I know that if I went to him he would listen…he might even provide me with some kind words or excuses. He would give platitudes and let me know that there was nothing wrong with me.
For some reason the idea of him lying to make me feel better sounds worse than if he would just agree that I'm crazy. I could go to Maddox but I also don't want to seem weak or like I'm relying on him. Especially after he was kind enough to open up the other night.
