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The smile that blooms over his face is everything, “Heck yeah, do you wanna play?”
I chuckle and nod, “Heck yeah.”
I grab a controller and climb onto the bed next to him, leaning back against the headboard and facing the TV. I spend the next hour soaking up the lightness that surrounds my son. And when my phone buzzes in my pocket, I hesitate to check it.
Looking at Aiden, I can barely comprehend leaving him. Disappearing from his world is going to be so fucking painful and I know that he might hate me for it. But I hope that somedayhe’ll understand that I went to great lengths to make sure he was safe.
You see, trading myself for my brother is also the end of Rodrigo’s search for me. He’s about to reach his ultimate goal and he will remain ignorant to the fact that my son even exists. I’m able to not only save my brother's life but also ensure that my son remains safe for the rest of his days. It’s the only plan that makes any sense. Once Rodrigo has me…there’s nothing else for him to search for. He will have won. Or at least, he will think he won.
I pull out my phone and my body tenses.
Spence:Tonight little traitor - 11 PM. I’ll have a car waiting for you at the end of your driveway.
He fucking knows where I live. Of course, he does. It shouldn't shock me but for some reason, I always seem to be completely mind-blown at the information he manages to get. It’s like he is constantly a step ahead of me. The only thing he hasn’t ever gained knowledge of is Aiden. And I still don’t know how I got lucky enough for that to continue. I’ll just continue to count my blessings I guess.
Dakota:I’ll be there.
At this moment, the absurdity of my situation could almost be comical if it weren't so painfully twisted. I'm making plans to meet the very person who's caused me unreal amounts of pain. It's a decision that borders on madness.
Turning away from the haunting glow of my phone, I find solace in the innocent, trusting eyes of my son. Pulling him close, I envelop him in a hug that I wish could shield him from allthe world's darkness. "You know I love you, right?" I whisper, holding him tight.
"Yeah," he responds without hesitation, his arms wrapping around me in a firm embrace.
I think this is what I will miss the most. The pure innocence that is Aiden. There’s nothing better than the love of a child. It doesn’t hold any ultimatums or give and take. It’s simply that they have room in their heart and decided to place you there.
But kids will be kids, and his tolerance for mushy moments has its limits. With a playful shove, he pushes me back, a wide grin spreading across his face. "You're being weird, what's wrong?" he accuses, but there's laughter in his voice, a sound that lightens the heaviest of hearts.
I can't help but snort at the little shit’s blunt assessment. "Nothing, can't I just hug you?" I retort, trying to keep the moment light, to push away the shadows that loom so close.
He rolls his eyes, a smirk playing on his lips. "I mean yeah, but you’re still being weird."
I roll my eyes and ignore his words. He was always so perceptive. As we sink deeper into the night, the world outside fades away, leaving just the two of us wrapped in our own little universe. The game we're playing becomes laughing and strategizing together against virtual foes. His laughter, pure and innocent, fills the room and echoes in my heart.
I watch him with a heart so full it aches. There's an innocence to his enjoyment, a simplicity in his happiness that I envy. As he focuses on our game, his brow furrowed in concentration, I find myself studying his features, memorizing the curve of his smile, the light in his eyes. These details are treasures, moments I want to capture and keep safe from the world's cruelty. These memories are the ones that I will cling to for the rest of my days…no matter how few I have left.
Fear gnaws at the edges of my mind, dark thoughts of what tomorrow might bring lurking just beneath the surface of my calm exterior.
But I push the dark thoughts away, determined not to let them taint this time with my son. Tonight is about creating memories that will outlast me, ensuring that he knows, without a shadow of a doubt, the depth of my love for him. It's about laughter that fills the room, smiles shared over silly mistakes in the game, and the unspoken bond that ties us together. Long after I am gone, he will know just how much his mom loved him. He will never doubt that he had one parent that loved him so much she would have done anything for him.
As he finally drifts off to sleep, the controller slipping from his relaxed grip, I lay beside him, watching over him like a guardian against the night's shadows. The warmth of his body next to mine is a comfort. And as I close my eyes, I allow myself to live in this moment, to soak in the peace of it.
???
At 1055 PM on the dot, I am placing a kiss on my sleeping boy's head before I walk out the side door of the cabin. I disabled the security codes beforehand so that I could be sure no one would notice. And when I felt Wolf’s presence in Aiden’s doorway earlier in the night, I ignored it. I was unwilling or maybe unable to even look at the man. I want to cling to our good memories. I wanted to cling to when he kissed me softly and brought me candy. I want my memories of him to stay on the fantasy side of things instead of delving into the reality thattwisted my heart. It's unfortunate that the last memory I have with him will be him admitting I'm nothing more than a job.
But I know that at the bare minimum, he will keep Aiden safe until Spencer can get here. My greatest life accomplishment will be surrounded by three guys who would die for him. Madd, Seb, and Wolf are all amazing men. When they realize I am gone, they will send out an entire search party. But they won’t leave my boy's side. I can leave tonight comforted in the knowledge that they will watch over him.
As I get closer to the end of the driveway, my anxiety spikes, and my nerves feel frayed. Right there at the end of the drive is a blacked-out SUV, idling ominously. The second I get in, I know that my life is forfeit. It’ll be over. I won’t be able to escape again and I need to prepare myself for the reality that is waiting.
And even knowing that I still climb in and come face to face with the man who has starred in my nightmares for nearly a decade. He's older now, his dark hair has grayed and his skin looks looser, wrinkly. But he still has that sadistic manic grin that I had hoped never to see again. He still looks every bit the devil that has haunted me for the past decade.
"Hello, little traitor," he greets, his voice dripping with malicious glee.
Before I can react, he lunges forward, and I feel the sharp sting of a needle in my thigh. At that moment, as the needle pierces my skin and his voice, laced with a sadistic pleasure, fills my ears, a torrent of emotions crashes over me. Fear, certainly, for what's to come, but also an overwhelming sense of betrayal. This man, a ghost from my past, has been the architect of so many of my nightmares, and now, he's here in the flesh, turning those nightmares into a terrifying reality.
It wasn't enough for him to take my innocence…it wasn't enough to have me running every time an ounce of danger showed up. No…he needed to be sure he was able to break mecompletely. He needed to make sure that there was nothing left of the girl I used to be.
Darkness creeps at the edges of my vision, swallowing me whole, and I'm plunged into an abyss, the world fading away into nothingness.
