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"No, I know," he says arrogantly. I've been told that you don't hit the bag well, but I also know that you have good skills in your hands because of the amount of things you do for children, crafts and things like that," he clarifies with a mocking tone. Which means that it can be useful because you will learn very easily how to hold a knife, it is a matter of polishing your aim so that they hit the target.
Between my fingers I take the sharp artifact, despite not being a big knife like his, I realize how sharp it is.
—What does it feel like to cut people, bleed them, or kill them, Dom?
In his hand he takes my fingers to explain to me how to put the right pressure and how to play it between my fingers to be able to throw it without the knife landing on my skin, making either a cut or falling midway.
—Cutting it brings pleasure depending on the context for some, for me making cuts on the body is pleasurable in every sense —he confesses to me—. Seeing how they bleed to death is part of the path of death, you will see how the blood comes out of that wound that you created and the person suffers. A feeling that is also enjoyed when you like to be bloodthirsty, when the desperation to do harm to take revenge or collect money comes from you. —From one moment to the next he flies his knife with force, he does not move his feet or hips much, the simple throw is based on the hard and wild movement of his arm, shoulder and hand. The bag splits and the sand falls onto the grass. We can be murderers because we kill, we do it in a chain with our own torture methods, but all of us do it because they owe us, they disrespect us, in itself, because they deserve it.
—Do you like to kill?
—I like to get paid for things, I like to make people pay.
—I understand, how do you feel?
—When you kill you feel many things, you question them because it is an illegal act and you know that you have already made a mistake in life, because people for thousands of years have dictated that it is wrong and that it is right —he makes me turn my wrist to take practice. I'm not saying it's okay, there are times when you dream about those deaths believing that you are evil reincarnated, that all those people that you left without a father, brother, husband or son are going to haunt you.
—And then what happens?
—You are going to pull your wrist so that the knife loosens in your fingers, this movement will make it, acquiring more power, fly against the air and fit tightly into the skin. —He explains to me, evading my question for a few minutes, I make the movement with my wrist, insert my fingers into my wrist and take them out as if I were making a poker card fly—. Then what happens is that you feel good, you let it go because you will always have power and what you did was because the person deserved it. None of that will weigh on you when you let it go and realize that you did what you had to do.
For a couple of minutes she teaches me a couple more movements so that my wrist can be released, which is not difficult because I have had knitting classes, craft classes, cooking classes to be able to make the class easier and so that my children enjoy learning. . He shows me how to throw, my feet stay firm since the movement of my arm, if it is very strong, can make me go forward.
"What you're doing, Emily, is brilliant," he alludes to me. Within the mafia, the women we have only get used to luxuries, houses, cars, jewelry and everything that comes from our pocket. They are never interested in learning, in knowing how to use a weapon, they get used to always being saved and always having an escort.
—I don't think I'm different, just intelligent.
—You are, right now we are helping you create the lady.
-Create?
"Yes, we are creating a lady," he repeats. One who truly deserves the position, who deserves the throne and the entire empire because the mafia belongs to you now that you are with us. You have secrets, you have perversions and you have a shitty past that you don't want to repair - he assumes without even looking at me -, you don't want to repair that past, you want to use it in your favor to become a woman of power.
I remain static for a few seconds with the knife in my hand, he has five between his fingers, he selects them and in a deep silence he makes those knives cut the air. They hit the sacks directly, a mountain of sand forms on the grass. When he turns to see me he just waits for an answer.
"People believe that the past must be healed in order to continue," I mention, playing with the knife between my fingers. I believe that the past can be used to make you great, to fill you with power. You can use it to make those who hurt you in the past squirm when they see you reaching the top in the present.
—Good thinking, Emily.
—Do you do the same after what happened?
—This is not the time to talk about me.
—It is, it's not pleasant just to be analyzed like a new specimen, tell me.
He thinks about it for a few moments, narrowing his eyes, trying to see my intentions, which I let him see. I don't have to ask this and pretend things that no, I don't plan to hurt any of them.
—No, I don't use my past to recover and make myself powerful, I just...
-Only?
-Only...
“You're stuck,” I finish for him, turning around and preparing to make the knife fly. Because they taught you to have accurate ideas without first questioning them, without first thinking about yourself, because you always have to think and make others happy with your decisions, right?
"Stick the knife, Emily."
-As you say.
