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“What if he says no?” I ask.
“Are you afraid that it will make you feel bad or that it will make you feel good?” she replies with another question, and I look away, because I don't know how to answer that one. “Or are you afraid you'll resent him depending on the answer?”
“I have no idea.”
“Maybe you should try to find out before deciding what to do.”
“I probably should,” I say, still looking nowhere.
“Gabriella...” Rafa calls, and I turn my face to look at hers. She opens her mouth, but shakes her head, denying it. “Nothing. Don’t hurry. Like you said, the truth isn't going anywhere.”
***
I raise my hand, deciding to knock on Vittorio's office door, but I lower it. It's not like this is the first time I've come here, butit's definitely the first time that my heart beats wildly only in my chest instead of between my legs too.
I close my hands into fists and blow air through my mouth, calming myself or trying to, at least. Even though the words “Don't rush” were used in the conversation I had earlier with Rafaella, the effect it had on me was the exact opposite. I blow air through my mouth once more and knock on the door.
“Come in.” Vittorio's voice sounds, and I open the door. Upon recognizing me, his eyes immediately dart to the clock on his desk, and I blush, knowing exactly what he's thinking. The Don's eyes narrow at me after skimming my entire body. It seems unfair that he's perfectly composed in his usual attire when all I'm wearing is a pair of simple shorts and a t-shirt. “You're very early,” he says, after confirming the time.
“I didn't come for this,” I warn him, but what I said about my heart not beating between my legs, well, that just changed.
No matter how apprehensive I feel, giving up sex with Vittorio is never a possibility, because my body seems to operate on a different frequency than the one that controls my mind. Or, perhaps, it's the same thing, after all, as much as I am, it is always willing to do the Don's bidding.
“I came to ask for something,” I announce, when I'm able to shake off the haze of sensuality that Vittorio's gaze always puts me in and focus on what brought me to him in the first place. He pushes his chair back and taps his thigh.
“Come here,” he commands, and I obey. I sit on his legs after eliminating the space between us and Vittorio wraps his arms around my waist seconds before lowering his lips to my collarbones. I sigh, satisfied with the sensations that are beginning to soften my body just by being in his presence. “Doyou have a second demand?” He reminds me with a smile in his voice when I spend too much time in silence.
“A first. What I did before was a warning.”
“A warning, huh?” He raises his amused eyes to meet mine.
“Yes.”
“Then ask, Gabriella,” he advises with the everyday tone of command, and the butterflies in my stomach multiply by a million.
“I would like to know if I can go back to working in housekeeping and receive a salary for it?” I say at once, afraid that something will make me lose my courage in the middle of the sentence. Only one of Vittorio's eyebrows rises before he answers me.
“Is that your request? Because in my opinion you're just being absurd.”
“It's a no, then,” I mutter, feeling the butterflies in my stomach quickly turn into a weight.
“I told you a long time ago that you are not allowed to return to work as a maid, Gabriella. And why would you need a salary if you don't even use the card I gave you?” I push my cheek with the tip of my tongue.
“What exactly could I use the money for on this card?” I ask, needing to make an effort. The violent beats of my heart against my throat barely let me breathe.
“What do you really want, Gabriella?”
“The answer to my request really was no, right?” I respond with another question, needing a second confirmation for what I already know.
Or maybe I'm just biding my time to gather enough courage before I get to where this conversation, which must seem pointless to Vittorio, is leading us to.
Honestly, even I can't see the logical chain that I spent hours devising in my own head. I should have known that my ability to follow through with it would explode the second the Don laid eyes on me, no matter how much I had rehearsed our conversation within the walls of my mind.
“It was definitely a no.”
“Then I'd like to use the bargaining credit I have,” I say, blinking frantically and feeling the pulse in my throat suddenly spread throughout my body.
I had completely forgotten about it.
