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My anger from earlier soars up to boiling. “Oh, Aidan, that’s… that’s so unfair!”
I get up and put my arms around him. He’s stiff and doesn’t reciprocate the hug. I pull away, slightly mortified.
Aidan’s eyes are fierce as he looks into mine. “Itisunfair.”
Strong fingers grip my neck. Not hard, just holding me, causing a panicky feeling that isn’t all uncomfortable. Rather the opposite.
“It’sallso unfair.” I swallow under his hand. “Today, Mum was praising Fin for his designs, yet he doesn’t even design properly.” I normally don’t talk badly about anyone, but the spiteful words tumble out. “I mean, he was thrown off the Tom Stirling apprenticeship for areason.”
“He waswhat?”
“Oh. You didn’t know?”
“That programme cost a hell of a lot of money, and he was thrown off?”
Aidan’s hand is clenching tighter. I like it. There’s an unusual glee to my voice when I spill Fin’s secret. “I overheard Mum and Dad talking. Apparently, he always came in late or skipped classes, and always had excuses for not delivering the assignments on time or the way they were supposed to be done.”
Aidan’s breathing is heavy and his jaw keeps ticking. His tone is low when he finally talks. “So Junior is a fraud, yet you have natural talent. How does that make you feel?”
I lick my lips. “Angry, frustrated. I mean, today, Mrs O’Reilly was praising my work and Mum just dismissed it and started talking about my brother.”
Aidan’s eyes flare and he pulls me closer by the neck. “And did she praiseyourwork?”
“No.” I try to shake my head, but his hand is preventing it. “She dismissed my work as a hobby, saying Fin is the one with the talent.”
“And has your dad looked at your designs yet?”
“No, he won’t even glance at them.” There’s an ache in my stomach when I admit Dad’s lack of interest in me, and I cry out, “Yet he bigs up Fin for stealing your work!”
“You’re angry with your mum and dad right now, aren’t you?” Aidan growls, his chest expanding with every laboured breath.
“Of course! I’m so angry witheveryone!For how they treat me and how they treat you.”
“You want to hurt them.”
I nod. A tingling spreads low in my tummy, growing, glowing. My heart is thumping hard against my ribcage.
“H-how should I hurt them.”
His eyes track down my body, burning a path with his searing gaze.
“The same way as before,” he growls, and a shiver goes down my spine. “Onlymore. They deserve that, don’t you think?”
I swallow tightly behind his hand that is still wrapped securely around my throat. Does he mean…?
He’s been teaching me how to sin – how to come – so I can do it on my own as revenge whenever Mum or Dad treat me badly. And he’s been teaching me how to sin using his body, taking him in my mouth. But what I think he’s suggesting now… This will be a sin so grave, there will be no going back. Images flash in my head: Mum’s constant picking, Dad’s neglect, Father Murray’s preaching. My so-called friends’ mean behaviour.You’re so naïve, Caitlin.Be a good girl.
I am a good girl.
I open my mouth to tell him I can’t, but Aidan speaks first.
“Are you going to be adirty girlbehind your dad’s back?”
I gasp at his words – words that set something dark deep inside me ablaze.
“I’ll be a dirty girl.”
I’m will regret this, but as Aidan’s mouth descends on mine, forcing my lips to part and invades my cave with his tongue, I can’t remember why.
