AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I know, but after… after everything, the last weeks… I thought…”
“You thought what?”
Her arms cross over her midriff. She looks so small. “I thought that it was more.”
“More?” I shift in my chair. It’s difficult to hold her eyes.
“It wasn’t,” she whispers. Her head tilts down as she nods to herself. “It wasn’t for you. It was all just… sex and revenge. Nothing more.”
The pulse in my ears is beating loudly. I wipe my hands on my trousers. “But you… you knew that, though.”
“Yes, it’s just…” Her breath is stuttered. I hate seeing her like this. “You’ve taken me out and had me at your house… I thought… it meant more. That we were more.”
You have to end it.Bile rises up my throat and I force the words out of my mouth. “Caitlin, this was about getting one over your dad. You know that, and we both got our revenge, didn’t we?”
“Both?”
“Huh?”
“Did you usemeto get revenge on my dad?”
“Well…”Fuck, fuck, fuck.“You used me.”
“That’s… that’s not the same.” A runaway tear falls down her cheek. “Youofferedto help me. You neveraskedme to help you.”
“I…” No words come to mind.
“I never meant anything to you. You just used me.” Another tear follows the first one. There’s no venom in her tone, only resignation. “You’re no better than my dad.”
On a sob Caitlin turns, a cloud of red swishes around her head as she rushes to the door.
“Caitlin—”
The door slams shut. A big ball of ache is forming in my stomach. The chair squeaks as I get up from it. With long strides, I head for the door. I stop with my hand wrapped around the cold handle. Blankly, I stare at the wooden panel.
“Caitlin,” I whisper as images float before my eyes and my heart hammers against my ribcage. My head is spinning as puzzle pieces slowly join together, distorted shapes creating a bigger image with nuances and depths. “My dirty little fairy.”
A bubble of a laugh pushes up my chest. A guffaw. Then another. My head falls back as laughter fills the room.
Siobhan was wrong. I haven’t done a number on Caitlin. No, sweet, innocent, gullible Caitlin has done a number on me.
Who would have thought.
I stumble back to my chair, the worn leather giving out in protest as I sink down. I replay every moment together with Caitlin – every moment that has led to this point. Seeing them from a new perspective. It’s like analysing a well-known painting after learning what the painter wanted to express – every colour and brush stroke gets a new meaning.
When did it change from being sex and revenge to… wanting what was best for my girl?Needingto do what’s best for her? Why didn’t I notice? I shake my head. I can’t believe how blind I’ve been.
I hate the thought of Caitlin out there all alone and emotional. I wish I had her over my knee right now so I could give us both the release we need. She wasveryemotional, I muse. Normally I’m able to distract her with the prospect of sex. Maybe she’s hormonal and expecting her period?
I reach over to my laptop and click on the calendar, counting the weeks back to when she had her period last. With every week counted, my heart beats faster.
33
Caitlin
“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.” My voice hitches on the last word.
“Caitlin, my child. So nice of you to see me this morning. Today, I want to talk about presenting yourself in an appropriate way.”
