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Oh, no. He’s talking about the promo images. I hang my head in shame as a new shoot of doubt takes root. Did Aidan do the photo shoot… as revenge on Dad? Surely not? But how can I say for sure?
I’ve been so stupid. So naïve. No wonder Mum and Dad are so strict with me. They’ve been trying to protect me. I’m not street smart. I’ve proven once and for all that I can’t look after myself. I’m a bad judge of character. I’ve been so bad, so bad. And it hurts so much in my chest. I couldn’t eat this morning. I’m just a stupid girl with stupid dreams who couldn’t see the wood for the trees. My stomach feels hollow, as if something is gnawing a hole from my inside.
Aidan used me. He never had feelings for me. Was anything real, anything at all? Was his revenge on Dad to sleep with me?Or was it more? Did his revenge involve teaching me as well? No, it couldn’t have, he’s not that cruel. Surely, his intentions when teaching me were real? Or maybe not… He did say it had to stay our secret…
As Father Murray drones on about public image and setting an example of virtue and spirituality, the hole inside of me grows bigger. I should confess. I’ve been sinning, I’ve been sinning so much. I haven’t been a good girl.
“Father!”
“Um, Caitlin?”
“I-I…” I take a deep breath. If I confess, it means the truth will come out. It means Mum and Dad will know.Everyonewill know. “I’m sorry, I have to go.”
I scramble to my feet. Despite what Aidan did to me, I can’t do this to him. I throw the curtain aside and stumble out of the confession booth.
Beady, black eyes are staring into mine.
I scream!
Miss Duffy, the church caretaker, is right there – right in my face.
“Not. So. Fast.” Her tone is low, dark. Menacing. “What were you about to say to Father Murray?”
I stumble backwards, the confession booth digging into my shoulders.
“Were you listening?”
“Answerme, young woman!” Her words echo through the church. Father Murray appears next to her. They are cornering me, trapping me. Confessions shouldn’t feel like this. They should be liberating. This is hell.
“Caitlin,” Father Murray says in a deceptively smooth voice. “Want to explain what this is about?”
“I-I don’t know.”
“Don’t lie.” Miss Duffy hisses like a snake. “You and thatpaganAidan Byrne.”
I gulp loudly.
Then I run.
34
Caitlin
As quietly as I can, I open the office door and slip inside.
It’s only a matter of time before Father Murray informs Mum, and then all hell will break lose. I have to tell Aidan. Will he be angry with me for having been caught? Or will he gloat at my dad? I’ll be sent off to boarding school, for sure. Or a convent. Or maybe they make true of all their talk and marry me off to avoid a scandal or further promiscuous behaviour.
I’ll never be allowed to work on design again. My dreams…
After all that has happened, how come I feel more at home in this office than anywhere else? After what Aidan has done to me?
If he had just been honest and told me.
Would it have changed anything if he had? Would I still had let him teach me to sin? Would I have enjoyed it more because we were doing it together?
It doesn’t really matter because what we had meant nothing to Aidan.
It meant everything to me.
