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CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Emily
This morning, for the first time in six months, I take my time getting to work. And it’s not because I don’t have anything to do. It’s because I can admit to myself I need it. An almond milk cappuccino warms my hand in the fresh fall air as I step onto the Brooklyn Bridge. Everything is golden with the light of the sunrise as I walk on the bridge’s pedestrian path toward our DUMBO office, the headquarters of my company Sweet Spots. I stop halfway and take a deep breath.
Our product launch was a week ago today and it went really damn well. I over-planned and undersold, anticipating some colossal disaster. But it didn’t happen. And in fact, the response has been overwhelming. It turns out that a business like this gets people talking. Even the bad press about people scandalized by our concept is working in our favor.
But it wasn’t the milestone I thought it would be. Instead, it’s only been the beginning of more work. In fact, I could work all day and all night for the rest of my life and still have work to do. A dark anxiety rushed over me after the launch and that’s when I made a realization. The only people I would want to talk about this feeling with are Graham, Ben, and Deacon. I want to talk about the bad stuff and I want to celebrate the good stuff with them. I wasn’t expecting that.
So after a lot of nervous pacing and working up the nerve, I finally made an appointment with their secretary to see them later today. I’m using this walk to work to gather my thoughts on just what I want to say to them.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely proud of myself. Even though to some people, it might seem like I don’t have my priorities straight. Lord knows my father can’t get over the fact that I’ve spent my late 30s growing a company rather than a baby. But luckily he has no say in my happiness anymore. That’s the beautiful thing about getting older. You realize that at the end of the day, caring what others think is the worst reason to stop you from pursuing what you know is right for you.
I take a deep sigh. The important part is knowing what is right for you, though. I worry I made the biggest mistake of my life cutting the Sweets out. They didn’t need the extra ten years it took me to figure out what I wanted. They knew. And part of what they wanted was me. And I treated them like garbage because I couldn’t admit to myself that I want them too. Technically, yes, I can do this life alone. I’ve proved that to myself now. But Iwantto do this life with them.
Of course, I’ve read about them in the news. It’s hard to miss one of the greatest hostile takeovers of a company in history. After we graduated, they were able to oust their own father with a vote of no confidence. I was dying to call them up and see if they were okay. Even though their father seems like an awful man, it couldn’t have been easy doing that. But they’re not mine to call up anymore. I made sure of that six months ago.
I start walking again, trying to rid myself of the nasty thoughts that inevitably start up right about now. That I chose work over love. That I’ve lost the three most important men in my life. That I’ll never be held by them again, the one thing I crave every night before I fall asleep.
I take the elevator up to our office and the dark red logo in neon over the reception desk greets me. Personal time is over, I remind myself. It’s time to get my head back in the game. But it doesn’t come easily to me today.
“Good morning, Emily!” Our receptionist, Willa, says cheerfully to me. “You have a meeting waiting for you in the Blush Conference Room.”
I cock my head in confusion. I didn’t have any meetings on my calendar. I pull my phone out to text Drea, as my largest investor, she’s the only person allowed to make appointments without consulting me first. But before I can, I spot a silhouette moving in the Blush Conference Room. And then another. And another. It’s three outlines that are imprinted on my brain and into my skin. I feel my lips wet simply from processing the information that they’re nearby.
“Sweet Spots is doing so well, we’ve come to apply for open positions,” Deacon’s voice is rich velvet to my ears. I want to just melt into a puddle on the floor seeing the three of them. I do my best to stop myself from taking a deep inhale to take in the same scent that is so intrinsically woven with pleasure and joy. They’re the same guys I know but they look slightly different. Their haircuts are closer cut and they’re dressed in tailored suits instead of the more casual outfits they wore to school.
“Oh?” I play along. “And what qualifications would you like to bring to the company?”
“We have hands-on practical experience at aiding the CEO, including operating her squirt function.” Deacon jokes like no time has passed.
A laugh breaks open my chest and cuts away at the nerves of seeing them again. Of course, a million thoughts are goingthrough my head, but mostly one big one over and over.Do they still want me?Do they still want me? Do they still want me?
“We’ve loved watching you make your dreams come true.” Ben smiles warmly at me. “Sure, we wanted to be by your side in case you needed us. But you did it. We always knew you could do whatever you wanted.”
I swallow hard. “I thought the same. When I saw the news about the takeover, I wanted to rush over to see you guys and see if you were okay.”
“We were okay,” Graham speaks now. “We just missed you.”
His words are like a soft touch. I let them sit for a moment and warm me, bolster me.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I finally exhale, pure relief coursing through me. “I made an appointment with your secretary for later today so I could grovel.”
“We couldn’t wait the whole day to see you.” Graham pulls me in against his chest and holds me there. “But feel free to grovel away.”
I playfully hit him and step away. I take a deep breath. I need to look at them for what I’m about to say.
“It wasn’t fair to you guys how I ended things. It was controlling and selfish and the one who lost out was me. Because last week, when I experienced one of the most surreal accomplishments of my life, I wanted to share it with you. But I couldn’t because I pushed you away.” I take another breath. “I’m so sorry. I don’t blame you if you don’t want me.”
They’re silent for a moment and I swear my heartbeat fills the whole room.
“We would do anything for you, Emily.” Graham starts. “We stayed away because that’s what you wanted. And we knew it was the right call. I hope you never forgot that once in the last six months. We stayed away for you and we’re back here for you. We wantyou.”
My eyes mist. How did I get so lucky? How did I manage to have even more than I ever wanted? I think back to the scared girl I was ten years ago. I felt like life was happening to me, and I deserved the worst. Yet, now somehow, I have the best. At least the best for me. And that’s the trick, isn’t it? When I made that decision that I wanted to be happy, it couldn’t mean anything but pursuing what was best for me specifically. That led me to business school, a bit of an unconventional business idea, and now theveryunconventional loves of my life. And that’s what they are. The loves of my life. I know it in my head, my heart, deep into my bones, and definitely between my legs.
But I also need to make sure I am the best for them. “I’ve considered myself only for so long,” I say. “Tell me how I can be the best for you.”
Ben pulls me into a kiss first. Deacon comes up behind me and grabs my waist and turns me around to kiss him. And then Graham. We’re back together and it feels so right.
