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“I’ve been there with him,” Derick says with a shrug. “We’d go out there and talk sometimes, especially after you two broke up, or he’d bring his guitar out there and play, and sing.”
I swallow, and bite my lip, then nod. “Mind if I borrow your truck?”
Derick smiles, and hands me the keys.
The rain is pelting the windshield, and the windshield wipers are going at top speed. After I drive for a while I pull off right where Derick told me to, and sure enough, a second later my headlights shine right onto Wes’ car. We’re surrounded bytrees and foliage but there’s plenty of space for both vehicles. I imagine it’s lovely during the day, or even at night when it’s not raining cats and dogs. I step out of the truck and into a puddle of mud. Gross.
I make my way over to his car and don’t even bother to knock. I just open the door and climb in, my wet clothes and hair dripping onto the interior. He glares at me because even though he tried to lock the door he wasn’t fast enough.
“Get out,” he says.
“No,” I reply.
“I came here to get away from you. Get out.”
“No,” I repeat. “I came here to find you, and I’m not leaving until you agree to listen to me.”
He glares harder, then shuts the car off and climbs out. The fucking bastard. It’s cold, and wet out there, and he’s traipsing through the mud and rain just to get away from me? I growl and climb out to go after him. He walks ridiculously fast for someone with shorter legs. I catch up to him and grab his arm, our skin slick from all the water, and he slides right out of my grasp. I almost stumble but manage to right myself.
“Don’t,” he says, and I can hear the quiver in his voice. I don’t know if it’s from the rain and cold or from nerves. “Don’t touch me.”
“Wes, please, just listen,” I plead as we stand out under the trees, the rain pelting us. Thunder rumbles around us and lightning splits the sky. The trees sway as the wind howls, and I’m wishing very much that I’d thought to wear a jacket as goosebumps break out on my arms.
“No!” he rages, his eyes wild, and his face flushed. Then tears are leaking from his eyes and sliding down his cheeks. He points at me as he speaks, this time more softly, but with just as much conviction. “You don’t get to break up with me, and then get my name permanently etched on your body like I actually meansomething to you. Do you have any idea how messed up that is?” He pulls his hand back and runs it through his wet hair. “Jesus, Coop. What the fuck?” He looks at me, his eyes pained, before he glances away. And I can’t do anything but tell him the truth.
“You do.”
“What?” His eyes meet mine again.
“You do mean something to me.” I take a step closer to him, but he backs away, his back hitting the tree behind him. He shakes his head as more tears fall.
“Don’t say that. You can’t say that to me. Not after everything.”
“Of course I can.” I reach for him, cupping his cheek. He’s trembling even more now, his chest rising and falling heavily, the tears mixing with the rain dripping down his hair and onto his face, sliding under the collar of his shirt. He doesn’t jerk away, or tell me to back off, so I don’t. “You don’t get it, do you?” I say, stroking his cheek. “It didn’t matter that we weren’t together anymore. You were my everything. My heart has always, and will always beat for you. I have never stopped loving you, Wes. And I never will.”
Wesley stares at me for a moment and then grips my forearm and shoves my hand away. “Why are you saying this? No one’s around. You won’t get paid any more for it, you know? You don’t have to play the part right now.”
I blink, stunned. What the fuck? I just laid my heart out for this guy and this is how he responds? He thinks I’m fucking putting on a show? Still? Does he really think that’s what this whole thing has been for me? How blind can he be? “For fuck’s sake,” I snarl. “Is it actually so hard for you to believe that I fucking care about you?”
Wesley pushes himself up to his full height. I’m amazed at how intimidating he can be for a shorter guy. He takes a slight step forward as thunder rumbles around us once again. “Yes!” heshouts, pointing his finger at me once again. “Yes, it is. Because you don’t give a damn about me, and you never have!”
My breath leaves me. I feel like I’ve just been punched in the sternum. “That isn’t true,” I choke out, shaking my head.
“How the hell do you expect me to believe that?” Wesley spits. “The only person you’ve ever cared about is yourself. I gave you everything. And you tossed me aside like I didn’t matter at all. Like I was the least important thing in your life. The only reason you’re here is for the money. You made that clear from the beginning. So why the hell would I believe anything else? You’re the same selfish prick you’ve always been.”
My chest heaves slightly and tears sting my eyes. I can’t speak. Wesley is wrapping his arms around himself and has taken a step away from me before I’m able to force the words out. “You deserved better,” I say, my voice shaking. He stops, and looks at me.
“What?” His breath catches in his throat, his eyes dancing across my face.
I step closer again and take his arm. “I broke up with you because you deserved better. I loved you, Wes.” Tears fall down my cheeks as I continue to speak. God, I haven’t cried in a long time. “But loving you wasn’t enough, and I knew that. You needed more than love, and I couldn’t give it to you. You needed stability and security. I saw that when I realized how anxious and upset you got every time your dad was gone for days at a time for his job. And I knew I couldn’t provide that for you. I knew if I became a pilot my schedule would be crazy and unpredictable, and I could be gone for days at a time, too. I didn’t want to put you through that. And even though you were so supportive I could see how scared you were at the idea of me flying. I didn’t want to be the cause of more anxiety for you. And then I was so busy with my classes, and school work, and my job, that I didn’t have any time to spend with you, and it wasn’tfair to you. You deserved a boyfriend who could be there for you and give you the attention you needed, and take care of you. And then when you started backing out of our weekly date nights it was clear that you didn’t want to be with me anymore, so I gave you what you wanted.” I grip his arm tighter and take a step closer. His eyes are boring into mine. “I didn’t want to break up with you,” I tell him. “It made me sick to my stomach, because I couldn’t imagine not being with you, but I couldn’t be selfish. I couldn’t keep you stuck in a relationship that was making you miserable, and would be unhealthy for you in the long term. I had to do what was best for you.” Tears slide down my cheeks as my chest heaves. “And apparently, the very thing I was trying to avoid, was exactly what I became in your eyes.”
Wesley’s eyes are wide. His hair is a soggy mess, his clothes are soaked. His chest rises and falls slowly as he looks at me. Water droplets cling to his eyelashes and I can hear the mud sloshing under his feet as he shifts. “You...you thought I didn’t want you?” he finally says. Then he yanks his arm away from me for the second time and clenches his jaw. “Goddamn you, Cooper.” He turns away from me and tugs on his hair so hard it looks painful. He looks back at me, his gaze fierce. Then he steps forward and shoves me. “All I ever wanted was you, you asshole.”
I stumble back slightly and then meet his eyes. “But–”
“Did it ever occur to you,” he continues, stepping closer to me again, “that if I wanted to break up with you for any reason, I would have? I backed out of our date nights because you were fucking exhausted, and I could tell. And I didn’t want you to have one more thing to worry about. I wanted you to get through your classes, and rest, not fucking break up with me. I wanted to see you accomplish your dreams, not be cast aside like I didn’t matter so that you could.”
His voice softens and his gaze shifts downwards. He takes a breath and runs his fingers through his wet hair. “When you broke up with me, I thought it was because I was an inconvenience, a burden. Like your life was too full, and I was the one thing you could handle living without. And it broke me.” He looks up at me, and his voice is shaking again, his bottom lip quivering, and I hate it. I hate seeing him so wrecked. He wraps his arms around himself as the rain continues to fall, and he shivers. “I didn’t know what to do,” he says, tears falling once more. “I didn’t just lose my boyfriend that day, or my best friend. I lost both.”
