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“Oh?” he says, and I see him grinning at me out of the corner of my eye.
I shrug. “Didn’t exactly think I’d need them.”
He brings my hand to his lips and kisses my palm, then makes his way down the heel of my hand to my wrist with his lips, brushing over my pulse point. Then he removes his lips and strokes my wrist with his thumb, sending shivers down my spine.
“Okay, fuck, you gotta stop, ‘cause I’ve had my share of boners because of you in the last four days, too, and my dick needs a break,” I say, my heart racing.
Cooper laughs, and lets go of my hand, which I shake, and then grab the steering wheel again, letting out a deep breath.
He rests his head on the back of the seat and turns to look at me. He reaches over and brushes his fingers over my neck. “You’re adorable,” he says, his eyes sparkling, a soft smile gracing his lips.
I smirk. “You just like the fact that you turn me on with the flip of a switch, asshole.”
He smiles wider. “Maybe a little. But you do the same to me.” I glance at him as his fingers continue to stroke the hairs at the nape of my neck. The look in his eyes is filled with so much fondness, a warmth spreads through my chest, and my heart stutters. How could I ever think his affections for me weren’t real when they’re written all over his face?
“You know you were the reason I cut my hand making dinner the other night, right?” he says with a smile.
“What?” I say. “Really?”
“Yeah.” He looks me over. “You and that sexy ass of yours distracting me.”
I chortle. “That’s what distracted you that you got so pissed off about and didn’t want to tell me?”
Cooper mock-glares at me, removing his fingers from my neck and crossing his arms over his chest. “Yes,” he says.
“Ooh, I didn’t know my ass had so much power over you.” I bite my lip suggestively and wiggle said body part in the seat.
Cooper smirks. “Fucking hell you didn’t. You used to seduce me with that thing all the time. Those skin-tight jeans you would wear any time you wanted me to fuck you. Or the way you would just ever so casually lay on the bed on your stomach, with your bum and feet in the air, giving me those bedroom eyes.”
I grin and laugh. “Okay, fine, but I didn’t do it on purpose this time, and I had no idea it would still work its charm.”
Cooper smiles. “Always,” he says, stroking my cheek again. I shudder, and my cock thickens.
“Goddamn it,” I say, and he laughs as I adjust myself.
A minute later I’m parking the car in front of the drugstore and we both unbuckle. I’m about to open the car door when Cooper stops me with a hand on my arm.
“Wes?” His voice is serious, and I hate it. I’m pretty sure I know what’s coming but this is a conversation I don’t know if I’m ready for. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.
“Wesley,” he says again, and I swallow. That’s his earnest voice. I can never ignore that. It’s the one that says he cares for me, for us, and that whatever he’s about to say, it’s for the best, even if I might not like it.
I turn to him. His eyes are soft. “I know this may not be something that either of us really want to talk about, but I think it’s best if we do.”
I swallow. “Yeah. I uh, I don’t know if...”
“Wes, it’s only fair to both of us if we’re going to be as safe as possible.”
Tears sting my eyes. I grip the steering wheel and run my hands along it. I breathe out. Shit. I know some people can treat sex casually, but that’s never been me. I could never fuck someone, or let someone fuck me, if I didn’t feel close to them, know that they cared for me and that it wasn’t just a transaction, or about getting off. Sex has always been incredibly intimate and personal for me. It’s a big deal, letting someone see me naked, sharing my body with them, letting them see me at my most vulnerable, trusting them to handle me with care, no matter what sounds I make or what my body does while we make love; and Cooper was the only one that I had ever shared that connection with. The idea of him with someone else, after everything, it guts me. I don’t, Ican’tthink of him with other people.
The idea of knowing how many other guys he’s touched, invited into his bed, how many other guys he’s been buried inside of over the past nine years, touched him, made him come, been underneath him, when I had only ever thought that that was a place reserved for me, is making me sick to my stomach. It isn’t fair, I know. I can’t begrudge Cooper a sex life, or a dating life. We haven’t been together, and I haven't even been speaking to him, so I know it isn’t fair, but I can’t help how I feel, or how my body is reacting.
“Wesley.” Cooper reaches over and takes my hand, prying it off the steering wheel. It’s only then that I realize that I’m shaking. I try to pull my hand away, ashamed and embarrassed,but Cooper holds it tightly, which only makes me shake harder as hot tears start to slide down my cheeks.
“Please, let go,” I gulp.
“No,” Cooper replies softly, scooting closer. He reaches up and places a hand on my cheek, turning my face to look at him. My tears fall freely now, and Cooper wipes them away. “Talk to me, sweetheart,” he says.
I close my eyes, wanting desperately for him to let me look away. My chest heaves as I suck in a deep breath. “I’m fine,” I lie. “It’s fine. I’m...I’m just...”
