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“I know. I know it’s hard. I’m so sorry, Cooper.” It takes me a second to realize he’s not holding me back. My head comes up even as my heart starts pounding. My face pales when I see the way he’s looking at me.
“No.” I step back and shake my head. My stomach clenches and tears fill my eyes. “You promised.”
“I let her down, Wesley. I should have been there for her tonight, and I wasn’t. I let myself get distracted, and I can’t afford to do that. I never should have let myself fall asleep at your house. That was my second mistake. My first was thinking I could be in a relationship right now. I can’t. She needs to be my focus.”
“Cooper,” I say, a mixture of grief and anger surging through me,“you don’t have to choose between us. What happened tonight wasn’t your fault. We can work through this together.”
He shakes his head and I grit my teeth. “You’re a fucking coward,” I hiss, and his eyes widen. My tears continue to fall as I speak. “You're too afraid to try anything that might actually be good for you or make you happy and I am sick of getting caught in the crosshairs.”
Cooper’s expression goes from disbelief to rage. “I’m the coward?” he growls. “Why are we even here? Huh? Because you were too afraid to tell your mom the fucking truth? So don’t you dare come at me with that coward shit. I’m just trying to get my priorities straight and I’m sorry if my dying mother comes first!”
My face stings like he’s slapped me even though he hasn’t. I can’t breathe. I reach my hand inside my pants pocket and grab my keys before looking back up at him. “I’m certainly not going to stick around for someone who is too damn stupid to realize what they’ve got. Good luck handling everything on your own.”
“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I pound on my steering wheel as tears streak my cheeks. Why was I stupid enough to let him back into my life, my heart, my soul? He’s taken up residence there, wrapped himself around me and made a home, and once again I was foolish enough to think it would last forever. I hate that I didn’t see this coming. I should have known better, because removing him for the second time is going to hurt like a bitch.
I wake two days later to pounding on my front door. Then my phone rings. I pick it up and see that it’s Riley. I groan. I haven’t felt up to talking to anyone the past two days and I called out of work because I was so depressed and upset I wouldn’t have been of any use anyway. She’s texted me a million times but I haven’t felt up to responding so I know she’s lost her patience and driven over here.
“Hello?” I answer, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.
“Let me in,” Riley demands. “I won't stop knocking until you do.”
I groan and roll out of bed in just my boxers. The same boxers I wore yesterday, and maybe the day before. Who knows? What? I told you I was a mess. I haven’t showered and I know I smell. I’m starting to reek myself out. But I just can’t seem to summon the energy or willpower to care.
“Wesley, I mean it!” Riley bellows, just before I open the door and she almost falls in.
“Shit, this place is a mess,” she says, coming in and scanning the living area and kitchen. She makes her way over to the kitchen and looks at the stash of crap food I have splayed all over the counters. “Oh, boy, this is bad.” She turns to me. “Okay, first of all, answer your goddamn phone. Your parents have beencalling me because they couldn’t get a hold of you for two days and were worried sick, and so was I when I realized you hadn’t been responding to any of us, and second,” I expect her to shout at me again, but instead she walks forward and wraps her arms around me, hugging me tightly.
Shit. I’m tearing up. I’ve cried so much over the past two days I didn’t think I had any tears left.
“How are you?” she asks, pulling away. I shake my head and bite my lip. She wraps her arm around my back and walks us over to the sofa. Once I’m seated she takes the blanket off the top of the couch and drapes it over me, and I curl up underneath it, chasing the comfort and security it provides. Not to mention I’m cold in just my underwear.
“I talked to Cooper,” she says, taking a seat next to me. “He called me to tell me about his mom, and when I asked about you he told me what happened.”
I nod but don’t speak.
“After I got done yelling at him for being a complete dumbass I came over here. You had me worried sick when you didn’t show up for work two days in a row.”
I meet her gaze but I can’t bring myself to speak yet. I just sniffle and nod again.
“Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” she says, scooting closer and resting her head on my shoulder, curling up into my side. I rest my head on hers as the warmth of her small body seeps into me. It’s a while before she speaks again. “You wanna tell me your version?”
I lift my head and wipe my tears away. My chest still aches so profoundly. I feel sick to my stomach. I can’t sleep. My eyes hurt. My head hurts. Maybe that’s from all the carbs and junk food I’ve been eating but I know some of it is because of Cooper. God, it hurts just to think his name. I hate that I miss him so much.
“Talk to me,” Riley coaxes, running her fingers through my hair. “What happened?”
I shrug, looking down. “He broke up with me, again.”
“That part I got,” she says. “Do you know why?”
“Sort of. I guess he thought it was his fault that his mom was in the hospital because he wasn’t there when he said he would be. We were celebrating his birthday and we fell asleep on the couch. I guess he felt responsible and said he couldn’t afford any distractions, and he needed to focus on her. God I’m such an idiot.”
“No, you’re not,” she says. “You love him.”
“Apparently that’s not enough for him to want me to stick around,” I say. “I don’t get it, Riles. Why does he keep doing this? Every time things get a little bit complicated or hard he books it. I can’t handle that. He promised we’d work through things together when we got back with each other this time and he broke that promise.”
Riley sighs and brushes her fingertips over the side of my head. “I know. I’m not saying your hurt and concerns aren’t valid, babe. Because they are. I’m just saying that it sounds like Cooper is really overwhelmed and stressed. And people don’t always make sane choices when that’s the case. If he really was feeling guilt because of what happened he was probably thinking of what he could do to keep it from happening again and that was what came to him. It’s wrong, but it isn’t easy going through what he is. Maybe he just needs some time to cool down and he’ll realize he was a moron for letting you go.”
I shake my head. “Maybe, but I can’t keep doing this.”
