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Thisis something completely different. This is overwhelming and powerful, this is taboo and all wrong in a way that could unravel absolutely everything for me. Stella West could tear my life apart completely, which only makes her even more of a temptation. She’s like a drug that I so desperately want to taste, even if I know I will end up addicted with my life in tatters.
“Oh, God, I’m going crazy,” I mutter to myself as my head falls into my hands. “I’m going insane over this woman.”
I can’t let Stella go now. Her father will want to know why I’ve fired her. I also can’t push her away from me in the workplace without a decent explanation. I’ve gotten myself in a real mess now and I don’t know how to get out of it. The hole is collapsing around me, I’m sinking ever deeper into it, and I don’t know if there’s a ladder I can use to climb out and save myself.
My God, I have had dealings with beautiful women before. What is it about Stella that makes me so messy? So raw and crazy?
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
I practically leap into the air as my cell phone rings. I guess I got so lost in my thoughts that I forgot about the real world. I don’t even look at the name on the screen as I hit the answer button because I’m barely thinking.
“H–hello?” I stammer out, cringing as I realize just how idiotic I sound. Like a madman. “Sorry, hello?”
“Hey, Finn, how are you?” My blood runs cold as it hits me who this is. Bill. Stella must have told him that I’ve been weird all day, or inappropriate, maybe. He’s figured everything out and he’s about to kick my ass… even if he’s starting this all friendly.
“Er, hi, yeah, good.” I don’t know what I can say to smooth this over. How can I play this off and make it seem okay?
“Good. Well, Stella has had a great day today. She loves working for you, so as a thank you for everything, June and I want to invite you over for dinner tonight. Not to talk about work or anything like that, just to say thank you.”
I nearly laugh with relief. Thank goodness, I managed to keep myself in check enough for Stella not to notice my feelingstoward her. I got myself all worked up, and it was over nothing. Bill is going to think that I’m insane.
“Oh, that’s really nice, Bill, thank you. But I was just about to get takeout. You don’t need to do that.”
“No, I insist. June insists as well,” Bill continues. “We want to thank you for this because you really didn’t have to.”
“Well, Stella is a great worker.” Her name feels naughty in my mouth, especially saying it to her dad. “So, I should thank you.”
“Dinner will be in an hour. Does that work for you?” Bill talks over me, basically insisting that I come over. “June has been cooking all afternoon and she has a really nice spread for you. She wants you to see how grateful she is. You helped out our daughter when she has found herself in a bit of a tricky situation. It means a lot to us.”
I part my lips, trying to find something to say to him to make all of this feel okay, but the guilt is a bit too much for me. I’m supposed to be helping out, making the family’s life a little easier, and all I’m doing is creating more complications. I really have no right to feel this way for Stella for so many reasons. I just need to find a way to switch them off.
Maybe this dinner will be a good idea because it will give me a chance to see Stella in a new environment. Perhaps witnessing her with her father around will be a stark realization. That’s what I need. Ineedto be reminded that this is wrong.
“Sure, okay, I will see you in about an hour, then,” I finally reply wearily. “Thank you very much, Bill. See you soon.”
I put the phone down and groan to myself in agony, wondering how this is going to work. It might end up being a good idea,it may well work out just fine, but it’s definitely going to be intense. There’s no denying that much. If spending the day with Stella in the office had that much of an effect on me, then how would adding more hours to that work out? My God, I should be avoiding her, keeping away from her as much as I can, rather than agreeing to go to her house. Considering I feel this way about Stella being so close to me when she’s in another apartment, then how will I cope being within actual touching distance?
“It will be fine,” I whisper to myself as I dig around in the kitchen cupboard, trying my hardest to find the nicest bottle of wine I can muster up. “It will be okay. Bill is my friend. I can just deal with this night like another normal night with my friend.”
But of course, my heart is pounding, my stomach is churning, I feel like I have butterflies consuming the pit of my belly. All I canreallythink of is Stella, being around Stella more, being in her presence, soaking in the chemistry that we definitely share. The more I think about it, the more convinced I become that this is a two-way street. The only reason no one has made that obvious yet is because we both know that it can only implode and burn up in flames. It can’t possibly go well.
“Why can’t you feel this way for someone else?” I groan. “Why does it have to be this way? What is wrong with you?”
Unsuitable women, that’s my problem. Falling for people who either don’t want me back in the same way, or I can’t have them. Maybe I need to look at that for a moment. Maybe I need to figure out everything inside me before I even think about romance again. Not that I am, or I have been. Not until I spotted Stella walking out of that car. Right when I shouldn’t be.
That’s the issue, isn’t it? That my interest was sparked right at the moment it should have been shut off. It’s me. I’m the problem.
I need a shower. I need to wash off these feelings. I need to get myself steady and brace myself for tonight. For whatever it will become. I’m hoping it will be a pivotal moment for me where I can twist my feelings around and get them back on the right path because if I don’t, then so much is at risk. More than I even want to consider.
4
STELLA
Itoldmy father not to get involved with work stuff once I started working for Finn. I begged him to keep out of it and I thought he would, but since I’m awkwardly sitting across from my boss trying to eat dinner, I can only assume he didn’t hear me. Either that or he has completely disregarded what I want because he can’t stop himself from interfering in my life.
I don’t mind to a certain degree. It’s nice to have my dad wanting to help me get my life back on track, but this feels like a step too far. I’ve been around Finn all day long, thinking about him in ways that I definitely shouldn’t, and I don’t need more time with him. I need time without him to try and get my head in order because I can’t be distracted by him for another day.
“Do you like the food?” Mom asks Finn, seemingly blissfully unaware of how awkward this is. “I hope you like it.”
