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Oh, God, I wanted that, I needed that, I wish that it had happened now. It’s almost torture that it hadn’t. Now, I’m going to have to live in thatalmostmoment forever. It can’t happenagain. We will have to make sure that nothing like that can ever occur again because it’s so dangerous. All the reasons we shouldn’t go near each other remain just as strong as before. Maybe even more so. Just because I know itcouldfeel good if we let it doesn’t change anything.
5
FINN
“Oh, my God.” I don’t let out the long and hard breath of relief until I finally manage to escape the West household and get back to my own where I can finally recover. Bill and June seemed to want to spend a lot of time with me, even after Stella vanished upstairs—maybe even more so, which made it hard for me to extract myself. I’ve been wanting to get away for a while to try and wrap my head around what happened with Stella in the kitchen, so I was more tense than I wanted to be.
But we ended up having a really good night. It was pleasant when I left. I’m sure that I have an open invite to return whenever I want to, but I don’t know if I amevergoing to be able to handle that again. Not with Stella tempting me like crazy. Even if she wasn’t really trying, she was sucking me in by the moment, getting me more addicted to the drug that she is…
My God. Seeing her in her home setting where I know I can’t have her didn’t have the desired effect. It’s only made me want her more. Sitting across from her, catching her eyes, witnessing her blushing all the time was one thing, but then there wasthe moment her foot connected with my leg, which intensified absolutely everything. I knew then that all I wanted to do was hold her and kiss her, which is why I took the risk of following her into the kitchen. I couldn’t seem to stop myself. I’m out of control when it comes to Stella. She’s the forbidden apple hanging in the tree, and I’m utterly desperate to take a bite, to taste her beauty.
We nearly kissed. We were so close to kissing that I could practically feel her lips on mine, andthatis something I want to feel again. In fact, the things I want to do to her now are so vivid in my mind, I can barely control myself. As I pace through the house, the images flash through my mind at the speed of light, leaving me unable to control them. There’s nothing I can do.
Stella, kissing me, her tongue darting into my mouth, tasting me. Her clothes shedding in the kitchen, within hearing distance from her parents, but she doesn’t care because she wants me so badly that it doesn’t matter. Her soft, subtle skin brushing against my fingers, me exploring her, touching her, tasting her, fucking her into oblivion. Oh, God, I can just imagine how she will crumble, how her knees will buckle, how she will cling to me like there’s no tomorrow as she comes. Stella West might be an addiction the rest of the time, but I justknowthat when I see her expression contort in ecstasy, I will be under her spell forever. Knowing that I have made this beautiful, intoxicating woman lose her mind will magnetically pull me to her for good…
“Stop,” I warn myself angrily as I head up to my bedroom. “Sleep these feelings off. You can’t feel this way about Stella.”
The worst part of this is that I don’twantto feel this way. I don’t want to be all mixed up in this complication. It would be so much easier if I were able to switch this off and to carry on my life as normal, just as it was before. But I can’t seem to do that at themoment. It hasn’t happened yet. Maybe over time, the more we get used to one another, it will fade.
That does happen, doesn’t it? People get used to one another and any initial attraction fades. Surely, that’s just normal. If I can just be patient and wait for that moment to come, then everything will be fine. Right…?
Urgh, with a sorrowful shake of my head, I get my pitiful ass into bed and decide that it’s time to get some sleep. I haven’t had much wine to drink. The dizziness has come from the almost-kiss with Stella, but with my eyes closed, I can almost ignore it…
Bleep, bleep.
“Oh, for goodness’ sake.” This is the last thing I need right now. I should have turned my cell phone off before lying down, or at least switched it onto silent mode, because now someone is messaging me and I’m probably about to get into something work-related. That’s a theory that I’m even more certain of when I realize it’s a number I don’t recognize. This could be anyone.
Unknown Number:Hi, Finn, this is Stella. Sorry to contact you this way. I got your number from my dad’s phone. I just wanted to apologize for tonight. I hope it doesn’t affect my position in the company. I enjoy working for you.
I have to read this over and over again because I can’t believe what I’m looking at right now. I’m stunned that Stella would go to such lengths to contact me, and I’m also shocked by what she’s saying as well. None of this is her fault. With a small smile playing on my lips, knowing that this is only going to get us deeper and deeper into trouble, I save her number and write back.
Finn:Please don’t worry about your job, it’s very much secure. You’re a great addition to the company and I would love to keep you around. I also don’t want you to blame yourself. It was my fault tonight. You haven’t done anything wrong.
I don’t expect to get anything back because everything that needs to be said has been spoken now… but I can’t help clutching my phone to my chest like a giddy schoolboy with a crush, just waiting to see if anything will come back. Any attempt to get to sleep has now gone flying out the window. All I want to do is lie here and look at my cell phone screen…
And then it happens. I get another message back, which makes my heart sing. My God, I ambad.
Stella:But you are my boss and a friend of my father. I shouldn’t get so close to you. I feel really bad.
I gulp down the thick ball of guilt that lodges itself in my throat as I look at those words. Stella knows why this shouldn’t happen as well. She’s very aware of it all, which means she’s been thinking about why it shouldn’t happen… but also why she maybe wants it to. I’m dizzy all over again imagining her lying in bed just like I am, not far from this place, looking at her cell phone screen in the same way that I am. Is she as giddy and excitable as me? Is she aching to touch me like I am her?
Oh, God, I can’t help myself anymore. I really am about to lose my mind over her. I’m out of control.
Finn:Don’t feel bad. We can just call it a little mishap if you want. Never speak of it again ;)
Uh-oh. Seeing the winky face zipping through cyber space going to Stella, I panic. There’s never any innocence to a winky face. Itcan be misconstrued in so many ways. I can see myself in some kind of sexual harassment seminar already…
My heart stops, my blood runs ice-cold, then my phone is bleeping with another message from Stella. This might beit.
Stella:I don’t think I will be able to pretend it never happened, but I can just not talk about it if you think that’s best…
Oh, wow. Now my whole body is doused in flames. This message coming back to me only makes me like Stella even more. With everything she shows me about herself, every layer she peels back to show me, I like more of her. This should be a sign that I shouldn’t see more of her, but like the addict that I am, I continue contacting her because I need my next hit.
Finn:We can blame the wine, anyway. I shouldn’t have brought that bottle with me. It’s too strong!
Stella:I like that. Blame the wine. I prefer that to taking responsibility for my own actions ;)
And there it is. A winky face back. I’m definitely not in any trouble whatsoever. Stella is on the same level as me. I already suspected it, but knowing it is something else. Seeing it unfolding in front of me is exciting me. I type back furiously, knowing that Stella and I might be pretty tired tomorrow if we’re going to stay up all night messaging one another. But that isn’t going to stop me. I need this, I want this, and I think she does as well. She’s the first woman to make me feel this good in a very long time, maybe the first time ever, and I want to cling to this feeling forever more. It may well be only a distraction from everything else, but it’s such a great one that I’m happy to bury my head in the sand.
