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With as much time as I spent in this club, and with the women at the fights who brought me the kind of attention I needed to be seen, I still didn’t sleep around indiscriminately. That part of my nature hadn’t changed, in spite of the trappings of my new life. I wasn’t perfect, and I definitely had taken my share of lovers, but I also didn’t have a revolving carousel of them. Even if I had, it wouldn’t have diminished my thoughts of Emilia.
Or Carly.
“Here.” I fumbled out my wallet and pressed a sheaf of bills into Brenda’s hand. She made a low noise in her throat, and I dug for more. “I’m sorry,” I muttered, hating the shame that burned through my skin. My mother would be so hurt to know I’d sunk to this level. Nothing would excuse it.
Though perhaps even that was wishful thinking. My mother had been gone for so many years. She’d walked away from the life my father had given her when I was small, saying a boy needed his father. She hadn’t been ready to be a mother. I’d known that all along. The nannies my father had paid for had helped fill in the gaps. My father hadn’t been willing to let her go, but eventually, he had. She’d started over again somewhere far away, and she hadn’t left a forwarding address. Cards and packages had arrived for a while, until those too had stopped. I was no longer a boy, and no longer needed my mother’s censure to tell me I had sinned. I knew it every moment I looked in the mirror.
“No, no, this is too much,” Brenda breathed, and I wondered if she’d ever said those words before either. I doubted most men were nearly generous enough for what she gave them.
“Take it,” I insisted, pressing more cash into her hands.
I didn’t know how much I’d given her. Five hundred dollars, maybe. It still wasn’t enough. I wasn’t rich, but I got by. And she deserved so much more than this. “Thank you for being here tonight,” I said, meaning it genuinely.
If not for Brenda and her kind eyes, I might not have been able to follow-through, and then Carly would’ve been screwed.
She still might be, but at least it wouldn’t be on my watch.
“You realize I would’ve done it for free, right?” Her quiet question cut through my recriminations and made me jerk up my head to meet her gaze. “I’ve seen you in here before, and you always seemed so removed. As if you weren’t really close to anyone.”
Truer words.
“I wanted to make you feel good.” She shrugged. “The money…well, it’s nice, and I appreciate it. But I was curious too.” She smiled almost shyly at me. “You’re much more commanding behind closed doors than I expected.”
“I’m sorry,” I began again.
“No, no, I liked it.” She brushed her fingers over the ends of my too long hair then yanked her hand back as if she’d been scalded. Or as if she feared reprisal. “The next time you need anything, you come see me, okay? I’m happy to do this for you.” Her lashes lowered. “Or more.”
Or more. Christ. She wanted me to fuck her. Believed I wanted that too. And why wouldn’t she? I’d just exploded in her mouth.
But she couldn’t know I’d been imagining someone else. Two someone elses. One who’d touched me that way too few times in the scheme of things, and one who never would. I wouldn’t let her.
No matter what.
When Brenda turned away, I snagged her hand and drew her back. Light flared in her pretty dark eyes before dimming all too fast. “Why?” I asked softly. “Why do you do it? You’re so beautiful.” She flushed, and I kept going. “You could do anything.Beanything.”
She waited a while before answering. “What makes you think I’m not exactly where I want to be?”
“How could you be?” I countered. “The men here, they aren’t careful. They don’t treat you with respect…” I trailed off.
Damn, what a hypocrite I was. As if I had the right to judge anyone.
“Sex isn’t about respect. It’s about fulfilling a need, the same as if you ordered a drink at the bar. You pay more for good service. So I aspire to be good.” She gave me a cheeky little grin and a wink, then tugged her hand from mine and sashayed to the door. On the threshold, she turned back. “Thank you for this.” She waved the handful of green before discreetly tucking it into her bra. “But next time,signore, we’ll negotiate differently.”
She hadn’t been gone more than a few moments before the doorway filled again, this time with the man I’d come to the club hoping to see tonight. Carly had distracted me from making my usual rounds. Ensuring that I was seen where I needed to be, and when.
“Giovanni.” Marco Constantinova’s booming voice made my hackles rise, as it always did. “It’s nice to see you taking advantage of the amenities.” His smirk grew. “I trust you enjoyed yourself this evening in my humble establishment.”
His. Sure. Marco owned less than a fifth of the business, last I’d heard.
“I haven’t been here long, but yes.” I took a quick glance at my lap to ascertain my fly was zipped and rose to offer a hand to the other man. He clasped mine, shaking it with a firmness I might’ve respected had I not known the man was evil in a Hugo Boss suit. “Where is Naples?” I asked once the other man had stepped back.
“In Campania.” His smirk deepened.
I laughed at his lame joke. Yes, Naples was in Italy, but we both knew which Naples I was referring to, and it wasn’t the city.
“He had some business to attend to.” Marco smoothed a hand over his thin silver and purple striped tie. “You know how it is.”
“I do. I also know he promised to introduce me to Lorenzo tonight. That’s why I left the fight and came straight here.”
