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Emotionless.
I was slowly dying on the inside as Joey moved me into bed and under the covers, where I curled up, clinging to my pillow tightly. She sat with me for hours, saying nothing. She had to wonder what was going on, but I was completely frozen.
Eventually, she climbed into bed beside me and went to sleep.
And this is where I am now, still in the fetal position, staring.
Staring at the white, blank wall.
The sun filters in through the window, showing no sign of the storm from the night before. A beautiful day breaks through the clouds, even though it’s a bitter winter day, and my brain finally starts to thaw from the frostbitten hell it was in.
I think of Cain and what he might be doing right now.
Is he lying in bed thinking of me?Probably not.
The numbness is crumbling away, disintegrating within me as the pain slowly creeps its way into my soul, making me gasp as I relive my final moments outside my door with Cain.
My eyes well as I remember his touch, his smell, his voice.
I love him, but Ican’tbe with him.
The highs and lows of this roller-coaster ride are too much to handle. I know Cain has a damaged past, but it doesn’t excuse his behavior. A tear slides out of my eye onto the pillow as I stare at the wall.
Movement shifts behind me as Joey rolls over. “You awake?” she whispers.
Nodding my head slightly, she sighs, stands up from the bed, and walks around to my side in front of me. She sits cross-legged on the floor and stares up at me. “You ready to tell me what’s going on?”
Looking away from her, I exhale. “I broke up with Cain.”
She sighs and leans forward, placing her hand on top of mine. “I thought as much,” she replies, scrunching her eyebrows. “You know, if you’re this upset about it, then maybe you haven’t made the right choice. Are you sure you want this?”
Clenching my jaw, I tense. “I have to. Cain’s too emotionally damaged… that, and he won’t open up to me about anything. One minute he’s completely dismissing me, then the next, he says he loves me. I can’t keep up with him...” I pause to pull in a breath. “Doesn’t mean I don’t love him and miss him beyond belief, though.”
She nods. “Yeah, I get that. Well, just know I’m here for you. If you need me to go upstairs and kick his ass, I will. Just say the word.”
Managing a half smile as she leans in and wipes the tears from my cheeks, I sniff.
“Do you need anything?” she asks. I shake my head. “Well, I’ll be home all day. So if you need anything, let me know, okay?”
“Thanks, but honestly, I just want to be alone.”
With a nod, she stands. “It’ll hurt for a while, but itwillget easier. I promise,” she says with a weak smile, then walks out of my room, leaving me alone with my grief.
Sniffling as I pull the covers up around my chin, I lay here for hours. I haven’t slept since he left last night. That, plus the soreness from crying makes for some puffy eyes. I only get out of bed to use the bathroom. I can’t stomach anything to eat, so I only sip on water throughout the tiring day.
Watching as the sun reaches its peak, then slowly fades into twilight, Joey comes in to check on me and sits on the edge of my bed. Looking at her through my tear-soaked lashes, she slowly reaches out, showing me my cell. I glance at her and pull my arm from under the warmth of the covers, reaching for it.
“I wasn’t sure if I should bring this to you, but it’s been going off nonstop since I got up this morning. I think maybe you should read some of his texts. I read them to make sure it would be okay… I think he’s hurting, too, Kaylie,” she offers, handing it to me.
Nodding as she walks out of my room, I unlock the cell, take a deep breath, readying myself for whatever he might say.
Opening his text conversation, I see the first one.
Your Muse:I love you
My lip quivers as the pit of despair develops even further inside my stomach. Sniffing, I scroll to see the next one.
Your Muse:Makaylie… little dove, I miss you.
