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It’s like a knife to my chest. She thinks I won’t be faithful to her? That I wouldn’t cherish what we have? I’d never hurt her that way.
I swallow the lump in my throat, doing my best to brush off the rejection.
“Okay.” I grin, trying to feign amusement at her rebuttal.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“Why? For telling the truth? It’s fine, Jordan. Let’s keep the good times rolling, then. It was just something I threw outthere. No big deal.”
Dropping to an elbow, she snuggles up to me again.
“You’re okay just keeping it physical?”
I nod. “Definitely.”
What’s my alternative? Saying no and losing everything? The friendship we’ve formed, her safety, the comfort I feel when she’s next to me. I’m not chancing that. Somehow over the last few weeks, Jordan’s become my best friend. She understands me. She’s my favorite person.
When she drops her ear to my chest again, it’s not long before she’s napping in my arms. I scrub a hand down my face.
Fuck.
38
I’m staying with Micky. Which feels way too similar to a babysitter, but I get it. It’s as if Bryan is still controlling me from afar. He’ll be back because he thinks I’m weak and hiding. I’m not hiding, I’m plotting.
Camden has introduced me to my villain era, and I’ve never felt more in control than when I’m planning chaos. After speaking with Cam’s father at Thanksgiving, I knew it was time to assemble.I sure botched the rest of the Thanksgiving weekend though.
I stare out one of the tall windows of the Kucera loft and watch a plane pass by. At this exact moment, the team is flying over Canada to play back-to-back games, and it'll be days before I see him again. What the fuck is wrong with me? He asked me if I could ever see us as more, and I should have said yes.
But I didn’t.
Because I’m an idiot.
It’s been weighing on my mind. He can be so hot and cold. After he beat Bryan to a pulp, we had sex and he said all the right things—but then took everything back. I tried to getinformation out of him the day we drove to his parents’, but he kept joking around. Then, after some seriously emotional period sex, he put himself out there, and it freaked me out. I was so caught up in my own hormonal feelings I couldn’t tell if he was being earnest. Was it a legitimate opening for us to be more?And if so, would he just change his mind later? What if he decided monogamy wasn't for him?
A tear slips down my cheek. Our day in the boathouse was magical—which is not a word I’ve ever used to describe a day on my period.
However, after a night of sleep—in his arms—I know without a doubt it’s the only place I ever want to be.
39
Last night we played in Calgary, and now we’re off to Vancouver. I feel better about this long travel stint now that I know she’s staying at Rhys and Micky’s while I’m gone. He showed up at my house after the temporary protection order was put in place, so he’s already shown he won’t be deterred by a piece of paper.
Part of watching out for her is getting her what she needs most—and she needs some fucking friends. Jordan had a blast at the game with the WAGs. The guys have solid women who would be good for her.
Motherfucker had her on a short leash for a long time, so she needs some fun. I added her name to the WAGs box so she can hang with them at more games. Not that she’s a WAG or anything... but this way she has a place to see them regularly.
I throw my bag in the empty row of seats on the charter plane. Rhys sits across the aisle from me, and I give him a nod.
“Thanks again for letting Jordan stay at your place. Youand Micky don’t have kids, it seemed to make more sense until I set up something permanent.”
He chuckles. “Permanent?”
“You know what I mean,” I say, unwrapping a protein bar. “I want to make sure she’s settled. Somewhere I don’t have to worry about her damn ex showing up.”
Rhys furrows his brow. “So, tell me again why it’s better for her to stay with you rather than some building with top notch security?”
“I don’t trust him. I feel better that she’s with me.”
