Page 53 of Stand and Defend


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I don’t know if it’s the THC or the aftermath of the week, but I call his bluff. “Would you?”

His eyes snap back to mine. “Would I what?”

“Would you fuck me? If I asked you to?”

He stares at me for what seems like forever. His gaze travels over my body like a predator sizing up his hunt. “Yeah... Yeah, I would fuck you, Jordan. Is that something you want?”

“I mean, I’m a little curious what it’s like.” Not just the piercings, but what it would be like to have sex with someone who isn’t Bryan. Maybe it’s time I acted selfish. Besides, I'm not in a relationship. Why should I wait to jump into bed with someone? Bryan didn't. I don’t need to justify my wants.

“If you think this is some kind of eye-for-an-eye thing with Bryan, you should know the sex you had with himwould not be equivalent to a night with me.”

I laugh. “You're very cocky.” I reach my arm out, and he passes me the joint so I can take a drag.

“Shhh! That’s my secret ingredient. It’s what makes it so good.”

I hold the smoke in my mouth, letting it cool before I open and inhale. I hand it back and roll my eyes.

He chuckles. “Do you have any piercings?”

“My ears.” Another one of my wants pops into my mind. “But...”

A smile curves on his lips, and he makes a beckoning gesture with his hand. “Come on, safe space.”

“I’ve always wanted to get my nipples pierced.” I run my fingers over the top of my chest. “I hear it’s good for sensation. Bryan would never—” I giggle. “Oh God, he was such a prude. He hates body modifications.”

“So, I don’t get it. Did you guys have sex and stuff?”

My head rears back. “Yeah, of course.”

He nods, staring at me and narrowing his eyes. “He’s a shitty lay, isn’t he?”

“I have no idea.”

He furrows his brow. “You don’t know? Well, what’s it like? I mean, your answer is pretty telling already.”

“I dunno, it was...normal?” I shrug. “But there was this one thing he did, he liked to remind me over and over he was the dominant and I was the submissive?—”

“Did you say he’s adom?”

“He said it.” Bryan would mutter it repeatedly during sex.

“He’s not a dom.” He chuckles, dismissing the idea.

“How would you know?”

He leans forward. Damn, that backward ballcap is really working for him. His eyes search mine. “Because I’d never treat a partner the way he treated you. It’s as much aboutyourpleasure as it is his. Did you even like being submissive? Or was that some more shit he pushed on you?”

No one ever asked me if I liked it. Being submissive to Bryan was never discussed, it was something I went along with.Did I like it?

“Yes and no. I liked theideaof being submissive, I enjoyed the power exchange, but the way we had sex was the same every time. No foreplay, doggy-style, lights off. There was no variety. I always had to use my imagination to pictureotherthings happening.” Camden’s throat bobs as he waits for me to continue. “I’d mentally change my setting, imagine him saying dirty things to me. And... ugh, this is so bad... sometimes I would even pretend there was someone else behind me.” I crumple into my chair, ashamed. “I thought it would be different, you know?”

“Different how?”

“So, the doggy-style thing. Weonlyfucked if he was behind me. If I ever made noise, he’d tell me to be quiet because it would mess up his concentration. He never forced me or anything like that, but it felt like pity sex. The sex itself felt fine, but we never had thatintenseconnection. It wasn’t like the stuff in books.”

He shakes his head. “Fuck, Jordan. I’m sorry. That’s awful.”

I shrug, and he hands me the joint.Doesn’t matter anymore. I won’t have to fuck someone like Bryan ever again.

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