AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“About time!” Birdie shouted from deep inside the house.
This town was the world capital for gossip, and Will was in the running for Town’s Biggest Mouth—Town’s Best Mouth, too, if we were giving out prizes—but I wasn’t mad. He’d done me a favour, and I was relieved I didn’t have to broach the subject. Nobody liked hearingI told you so, especially me, and these girls had been teasing me about Will for at least a year.
I stuck my nose in the air and accepted the cocktail. “You guys are the worst.”
Jess snorted and closed the door behind us as Emily gave me a hug. “You love us.”
Rolling my eyes, I swung an arm around her shoulders and dragged her down the hall with a sigh. “God knows why.”
Jess had invited the girls over to her place for brunch, and as I entered the open-plan dining space, I saw the table topped with pastries and fruit, coffee and berry frappes and champagne. Birdie raised her palm as I passed and I graced her with a high-five, while Tash handed me an empty plate with a quirked eyebrow and a side of smug.
Emily dropped into a chair on the other side of the table as Jess took the empty one next to me, and then all four of them sat in silence, watching me with bright eyes and lopsided grins.
Nobody ever accused me of avoiding centre stage, but right then, I would have happily bowed out.
It was weird to be on this side of the conversation. I’d spent the last ten years telling stories about one-night stands—everything from lousy lays and selfish lovers to all-night sex sessions and orgasms that left me comatose—but now my friends were asking for dirt on Will, and I didn’t know how to give it. I’d never been vulnerable about a man before.
“So?” Emily leaned forward, hands clasped on the table in front of her, and her green eyes sparkled. “Tell us everything.”
I scanned their faces and shook my head, huffing out a self-conscious laugh. “Oh, myGod, you guys.”
They squealed so loud I jumped, but their enthusiasm was the antidote to my nerves, and I blew out a relieved breath as the band around my solar plexus eased.
“But seriously,” Jess said after shushing everyone. “We need all the details. Our boys are good for the headlines, but getting specifics out of them is like pulling teeth.”
“And I don’t believe it’s only about the sex,” Emily added. “Not with you two.”
“It’s not only about the sex,” I agreed. “If that’s all it was, I’d have slept with Will a long time ago.”
“I don’t get it,” Tash confessed.
I transferred a croissant to my plate to give my fidgeting fingers something to do because although I was more relaxed, I was still uneasy about admitting my feelings. It was those old programs trying to take over, and I had to fight the impulse to put on a front. Playing up parts of my character and ignoring others had become second nature to me, but living a life that was aligned and joyful was more important than worrying about other people’s opinions. And there was more at stake now than my pride. There was Will and Seb to think about. My responsibilities were bigger than me alone, and I was determined to own this choice as fiercely as I’d owned my others.
But it would take courage.
“I love him,” I admitted, hesitantly lifting my eyes to gauge the response. Jess’s grin grew wider as Emily bounced in her seat, but I ignored their excitement and focussed on getting the words out. “I’ve loved him for as long as I can remember, but we both had a lot of growing up to do before we were ready to make a real commitment—and sex, I’m sorry to say, is not a realcommitment. I’ve been a plaything for a long list of men I never cared about, but I was never going to let myself be that to Will.”
My friends were a picture of confusion and surprise, with a little sympathy thrown in. I didn’t want any of that, so I went on as if I didn’t notice it.
“Will already had plans to expand the bar and open the new brewery, but finding out he has a son really kicked him into adulthood.” Wonder pulled at my lips. “You should see him with Seb. He’s so sweet and so determined to be a good father to that little boy. And the way he’s handled the boost to his business at the bar on top of this whole tournament thing, juggling all his responsibilities without dropping a ball—it’s incredible.He’sincredible. But then there’s me…”
I glanced at Jess, and she frowned at my tone. All the girls were a little more subdued with me taking this so seriously. I pushed past the impulse to make a joke or poke fun at myself, anything to shift the focus. I liked a superficial spotlight, not the kind that shone directly into my soul.
“I had—have—a lot of things to work on, too. The first was admitting that the partying and bed-hopping stopped being fun a while ago. It doesn’t fit anymore, and I’ve been hanging onto that version of me for all the wrong reasons.”
“What reasons were those?” Jess asked.
“I’ve worked hard to own a narrative that I never asked for.” I huffed out a laugh and shook my head. “Abigail Ellison: a man is for now and not forever, right? And don’t get me wrong—I adore sex, and there are only a handful of nights I’d never do again if given a chance to do them over—but it felt as though I’d backed myself into a corner, and if I changed my mind about marriage and babies, everyone would roll their eyes or laugh or worse—tell me they told me so. They’d think I was an idiot.”
Birdie snorted, and my head jerked up. Jess, Em, and Tash looked startled too. I don’t know about the others, but I wassurprised—and a little hurt. Birdie was the most like me in terms of her romantic history—Isaac had worked hard to break down her walls—and of all my girlfriends, I’d have bet Birdie was the most likely to empathise with my situation. Maybe even give me the best advice… if I could bring myself to ask for it.
“Sorry.” Birdie threw me an amused glance. “But if falling for Will makes you an idiot, it makes me one too. And, well… I’m not an idiot. At least, not because I finally admitted I loved Isaac. Fighting him so hard even though I knew we were endgame?Thatwas stupid. Working on my intimacy issues and staying in the Bay to give us a real chance? That was the smartest thing I’ve ever done, and I’ve done a lot of clever things.”
Birdie threw me a wink, and I returned it with a grateful grin. If a bona fide maths genius could make the same mistakes as I had and still not think of herself as stupid, I could do the same.
Jess reached out and took my hand in hers. “Abs, I feel awful. I had no idea you felt that way.”
“It’s okay,” I reassured her because other people worrying about me still made my skin feel too tight. “Neither did I until recently.”
