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Shouldn’t I jump at the chance to do the same to him, the way he would?
I don’t owe him. Yes, I’ve been a bitch to him, but in the end, he won. In the end, he’s the one who destroyed me, and he knows it. He’s reveling in it, with every smirk and touch. He’s been rubbing it in my face all along, but I was too dumb to see it, so he had to come right out and tell me. Maybe it was even a challenge, deliberately given to show me that I’m not as strong, not as cruel. That I won’t retaliate.
That proves to him everything he needs to know. Not only did he let me know he’d won, but he let me know I’m defeated. Because I still care. I still care enough to keep my mouth shut and not tell Duke. I love him even when I try to stop, even when he burned me to ash over and over every fucking day this year by not acknowledging what we had. By showing me it was nothing to him. I am nothing.
I’m a ghost.
So like a ghost, I’ll float back over to them. I won’t fight back. I’ll keep smiling, and I’ll keep pretending that I’m a victor even though everyone on this roof knows it’s a lie, one that grows more and more transparent every day. We all know that I’m the furthest thing from a queen or a victor.
I’m not a victim either. I’m something so much worse.
We all know that in the sick and twisted games between the Dolces and the Darlings, I am and have always been the loser.
twenty
Rumor Has It… With the King’s of WHPA suspended and the upstart queen on a college trip last week, we got a glimpse of what the future may look like once so many of the Elite graduate… Or what it could look like with a different set on the throne. Will the current reign last, or will some new players make a power move before then?
Colt Darling
“I took some molly,” Duke says after a while. “I have extra if you want it.”
“I’m good,” I say.
“You can split it with Lo.”
“Tonight’s already fucked up enough.”
We sit in silence for a minute before I take out a cigarette. Duke must be freezing his ass off, but he hasn’t asked for his jacket back, so I don’t mention it. I can hear the game in the distance, people still shrieking and yelling. I take a drag and then look over at Duke.
“What you thinking about?” I ask, tipping my chin at him.
“Quit being such a girl,” he says.
I hand him the cigarette, and he takes a drag before passing it back. I blow smoke rings into the cold night, watching them rise and dissipate in the darkness.
“One time I heard that stars were ghosts or some shit,” Duke says. “You think that’s true?”
“No, dumbass,” I say. “That’s fromThe Lion King.”
“It’s a cool thought, even if it’s not true,” he says. “Your brother would be up there with my sister, you know.”
“You really want your sister watching over you, seeing the shit you do?”
“Not everything,” he says. “Not that video your cousin released of me with my dick out in the café.”
“Magnolia didn’t post that,” I say, annoyed by the reminder. My cousin didn’t post it, but my girlfriend did. She’s been getting tons of attention since it went viral over Homecoming weekend. I know going viral is a dream come true for her, and I’m happy for her, but I wish she hadn’t done it at Magnolia’s expense. Dixie’s changed this year, though. Or maybe she’s always been like this, but I always kept distance between us before. Now that we’re closer than we’ve ever been, I’m seeing a different side of her.
“Is everyone in your family afraid of heights?” Duke asks, reaching for the cigarette again.
“I’m not afraid of heights,” I say. “I just don’t like them.”
“Your sister was scared,” he says, chuckling. “She shrieked like a banshee when we held her over. Hey, if I hold you over the edge will you scream like that?”
“No,” I say, glowering at him.
He sits up suddenly, hinging at the hips like a fucking puppet. He gives me an impulsive, slightly lopsided smile that makes my skin crawl and my balls climb back up into my body. I know Duke’s crazy eyes. He’s as inhuman as his twin when his demon mode activates.
“I bet I could make you scream,” he says, his sloppy grin sliding away as he jumps to his feet. “I could probably even fuck you in the ass while your head’s hanging over, just like your sister. You’re a fucking homo already, aren’t you?”
