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“Duke,” I warn, not moving even though every muscle in my body is tensed to spring. Duke’s got fifty pounds on me, and I’m still hoping I can talk him down. “You brought me up here because your brother was going to kill me tonight. What’s the point if you do it instead?”
“Who said anything about killing you?” he asks. “I just want to have a little fun. Don’t you like fun, little gay boy?”
“I’m not gay,” I say, glaring up at him.
“That’s not what I remember,” he says. “I remember you deepthroating me like a champ. I bet Gloria remembers too. Lo! Where are you? Remember when Colt sucked my dick?”
I’m sure Gloria remembers that day in the basement as well as I do, even if neither of us would ever speak of it to the other. She comes when Duke calls, though, ever the obedient little pup, eager to serve her master.
He stops and stares at her for a second before turning his attention back to me.
“Come on,” he taunts, backing toward the edge. “I bet you’re dying to have some fun with a stud like me.”
“Watch out,” I snap, adrenaline nosediving in my chest when he backs up to the very edge of the roof.
“What’s the matter?” he asks, balancing on one foot and holding his arms in the air, waving one foot off the edge. “You scared I’m going to fall?”
“No,” I say, gritting my teeth. “Fucking jump, for all I care. One less of Satan’s spawn for this town to get rid of.”
“Don’t give me ideas,” he says, feinting toward the edge, like he’s about to jump.
My stomach drops out, and I can’t breathe. “Get back from the edge, you fucking psycho.”
“Come and get me,” he taunts. “Let’s play a little zombie tag up here.”
He starts dancing around, not even paying attention to where the drop is. I know he’s not like Royal, who doesn’t seem to care one way or another if he lives, or Baron, who’s already dead inside. Duke’s just fucking delusional. His dad’s gotten him out of so many scrapes he thinks he’s invincible. It would never occur to him that he might actually fall. And if he did consider it, he’d think that he could fall off a fifty foot roof onto asphalt and walk away without a scratch. He thinks boys like him are as impossible to kill as superheroes.
I barely remember a time when I thought that, when I trusted the world so much. Ironically, it only took one fall to change my mind too.
That’s when I really grew up, not the first time I got laid or the first time I had to shave; not starting high school or getting my first car. All those rites of passage are just markers, like numbers on a clock. It’s what happens between those clearly defined marks that changes you—the last time you think life is a right and not a privilege, the last time a hot girl wants to fuck you at a party, the last time you sit down across the dinner table from your sister or your brother or your mother. There are no pictures in frames on the mantel from those nights, no parties to celebrate the occasion. Usually, you don’t even know it’s the last time until it’s over.
I wonder what Duke would have said to his sister if he’d known. I wonder what Gloria would have said to her brother. I wonder what I would have said to mine. And what I would say to Duke.
“Duke,” Gloria pleads, hurrying over to where he’s still clowning. “Get away from there. You’re drunk!”
“Come and get me,” he taunts again, waving his arms and watching me with those dark, crazy eyes.
I stand and start toward him. I know he won’t stop for Gloria. He wants me to stop him. It’s one of his sick mind games, to see if he can break my cool, piss me off, get a reaction out of me that proves I’m as bad as him. Or maybe it’s to prove to himself that he’s loveable, that what he’s done to me isn’t so bad, because I’ll still save his life.
He hangs his heels over the edge, then starts tottering, pinwheeling his arms. He doesn’t look scared. A giant, psychotic smile stretches over his face, and he whoops in triumph when I grab his flailing arm.
“I knew you’d be a hero,” he says, gripping my arms with both hands and letting me haul him away from the edge. Cackling, unhinged laughter echoes across the roof, and I can’t help but wonder if he’s being loud to summon his brother or someone from the zombie group who gave up on us and forgot for a while. They’re bound to remember us eventually, especially when Baron can’t find his partner in crime.
Before I can get him more than a few steps away, he drops my arm and lunges, wrapping his arm around my neck. He yanks my head down, wrenching me toward the edge in a headlock.
“Let him go,” Gloria screams over Duke’s maniacal giggling.
I brace my feet, but he wrestles me to the side of the roof. “Squeal like a pig, pussy boy.”
“Fucking let me go,” I yell, ramming my fist into his stomach. Punching his abs is like punching a tree. He thrusts me forward, and I stumble, only my feet on the roof now. My head is hanging over the edge, and Duke’s thick arm is wrapped around my neck, his balance swaying drunkenly.
“You can’t kill me,” I blurt out. “You need me.”
“I don’t need you,” he snaps. “I need you dead. You know too fucking much.”
“I’m your hookup,” I say urgently. “Where are you going to get your fix if I’m dead?”
He jerks me further over the edge, and my heels leave the ground, and I think I’m going to vomit on the way to my death. The ground below seems to recede, and my ears echo as if I’m in a tunnel. Pure, incinerating fear climbs my limbs, liquifying them. Suddenly, I can’t see anything except black spots. I’m blind with terror, and I feel myself plummeting feet first through the air.
