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ThatsLo: Thinking about u
Dynamo: WTF. What r u doing to me?
ThatsLo: What r u doing to me?
Dynamo: U have a bf
ThatsLo: U have a gf
Fuck. She’s right. I’m the one who texted her. I sit back in the chair for a while, watching the bright blue sky through the kaleidoscope leaves.
Dynamo: Do u believe in karma?
ThatsLo: yes
ThatsLo: the TayTay kind, not the religious kind
Dynamo: whats the difference?
ThatsLo: I dont believe in reincarnation. I believe u get back what u do here n now.
Dynamo: Then why do u do what u do?
ThatsLo: y do u?
Dynamo: idk. Survival ig.
ThatsLo: Same
I think about that day in the basement, how I gave her a chance to survive. And instead of taking it and running far from the Dolces, she joined them. That’s not surviving. That’s profiting off their status, their evil.
I think about the last half of my sophomore year, right after Crystal and Devlin died. Preston was in the hospital most of that semester because they tried to kill him. My sister was dating one of them. And I was so, so angry. I fought back then. I wasn’t trying to survive. I was trying to make them pay. For the death of my brother. For makinguspay for the death of their sister. I ended up in the hospital more times than I can count. Being like them never helped me survive. It did the opposite. Every time I fought them, I risked not surviving. There were four of them and only one of me.
I didn’t want to be like them. I didn’t want to be the kind of person they were.
So I stopped. And I survived.
Their evil queen won’t be the one to change that. For all I know, she’s operating under instructions from her masters, exploiting a new weakness, finding a new way to torture the Darlings. I know better than to think brute strength is their only weapon. And Gloria Walton hates my guts. She’s a fucking good liar, but there’s no way anything that comes out of her mouth is genuine. She’s a snake, not a butterfly.
I’m smarter than this. Better than this.
I tell myself that, anyway. But maybe, like Duke said, I’m no better than them at all.
After all, I’m the one with a girlfriend sleeping upstairs in his bed while I sit down here texting another girl. Gloria didn’t text me. She didn’t pursue me on that roof. I went to her. And the most fucked up part is that I don’t want to stop. I want to catch her. I want to hold her in my hand like something beautiful and delicate, like the butterfly on her wrist. And then, like the anguished butterfly in the tattoo Maverick drew on her flawless skin, I want to tear her to shreds.
twenty-one
Rumor Has It… Things were unusually quiet in the halls of WHPA last week with so many major players gone. What drama will unfold now that they’ve all returned at the same time? Check back here for all the latest!
Gloria Walton
Now that Rylan’s my boyfriend again, I don’t have to walk around school like a dumped loser while Colt flaunts his happily coupled-up status. Not that anyone would compare us. They think I’m the queen, too cool to care if I’m single. Or that I’m the luckiest girl alive, on call for the D-boys. They’d never think to compare me with scum like Colt Darling.
Only I know how it stings when Harper doesn’t show up at lunch, and I know she’s outside smoking under the bleachers with him. I know if I told her I liked Colt, she’d never touch him. But how can I tell her that? We’re friends, and I trust her more than any of my other friends, but even she can’t crack the fortress I’ve built around my heart.
She disappeared on me last year. What if she does it again? I can’t rely on her any more than I can rely on the Dolce boys to hold me up when I need it. I hold myself up. I trust no one. I don’t triumph, but I fucking survive. I alone am queen, sitting atop the throne made from the bodies of those she conquered.
That’s what I choose. To keep breathing. To keep smiling. To keep dancing.
