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I narrow my eyes at her giggle. “Remind me to stop telling you stuff,” I grumble, turning back to watch the seconds tick down on the microwave.
“Let me see him.”
I whip back around at Declan’s words. “What?”
He nods. “Let me see him. The man who set you on this…” He snickers before finishing. “Journey.”
“I am not showing you hi-.”
Before I can finish, Nicole is handing her phone over to him, showing him a picture of Chris.
“Nicole!” I shout as I step closer to the table.
“This is him?” he asks with a grin as he looks back up at me, showing me the photo of Chris.
“So what if it was?” I snip back as I turn back and grab my food, still looking over my shoulder with my peripherals to read his reaction of Chris.
His laugh is unimpressed, almost mocking like. I clench my hand into a fist before turning to face him again. “What’s so funny?”
His mouth opens slightly as his eyes flick up, piercing right through me. “He looks like a strung out leprechaun for starters.”
“Shut up,” I mumble, trying not to laugh.
Nicole stands, taking a phone call and walking out of the breakroom, leaving me alone with Declan again. He smiles at me as he leans forward on his forearms against the table. I know I’m not going to like whatever comes out his mouth next.
“So did this so-called sabbatical start before or after you locked lips with a stranger who may or may not be real on a Trolley?”
I scrunch my face up and give a mocking fake laugh. “If you must know, I was hoping it would help me move on.”
“Did it?” he asks, leaning back in his chair.
“No.”
His face drops slightly. “So now you just don’t believe in love anymore.”
I twirl my fork in my spaghetti to avoid eye contact with him. “I never said that.”
“Explain.”
There he goes again. Pushing me out of my comfort zone. Forcing me to face my demons. Making me feel and think things I don’t want to.
“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I loved him. And if I really truly loved him, then I can’t just stop loving him. I can’t just move on or that would mean I never loved him at all. That would mean love doesn’t really exist. How can I expect someone to love me unconditionally if I can’t do the same?”
His smile softens like he wasn’t expecting me to be so honest. “Maybe you can find a loophole?”
“A loophole?”
“Yeah,” he says, lowering his voice like he’s actually trying to help. “A loophole to your dumb as fuck belief.”
His mocking somehow helps more than if he were actually being nice to me. “Like what?” I laugh.
He shrugs, but that doesn’t stop him from giving his opinion on the matter. “I don’t think you ever actually loved him.”
“Of course I did,” I protest, folding my arms across my chest. “I do,” I correct myself with a whisper.
“Nah,” he says casually like my whole life isn’t in shambles right now. “I think you were in love with who you thought he was. Not who he actually is.”
I open my mouth to protest again, but nothing comes out. He leans forward on his forearms and continues. “Because any man who’s willing to break your heart to the point that you sign off men altogether isn’t worth that kind of love.”
