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I inhale deeply, gathering the strength to look him in the eyes. There’s no judgment on his face, which surprises me. I try to keep my voice as steady and strong as possible. “So no, I don’t believe love exists for me because I made sure to harden my heart. I can’t ever risk losing myself like that again. Because I can’t go through the highs of love again if there’s even a small chance it will come crashing down. I wouldn’t survive it. Not again.”
He gives me a soft smile. “And you don’t think you’ll ever be able to move past him?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I told him things I’ve never told anyone else. I let him into that secret place in your mind that you don’t show the world, and then he abandoned me.”
He grabs my chin, tilting my head up. “So tell someone else.”
“What?” I give a nervous laugh.
“Tell someone else something you’ve never told anyone before, and then it won’t matter anymore.”
“I don’t think that’s how it works.”
He spins me around and pulls me back up against his chest. “Try anyway. I’ll go first.” He pauses for a moment to think of something he’s never told anyone before, and then he looks me in the eyes. “I once killed a baby bunny.”
The seriousness of his tone catches me off guard, and I can’t hold back my laugh. “I’m sorry, what?”
His face remains just as serious. “It was an accident. I was nine, and I found this campfire setup in a clearing in the woods behind my parents house. I snuck some matches out from the kitchen drawer that I wasn’t allowed in for obvious reasons, and I lit some paper on fire and put it under the pile of sticks until the whole pile was up in flames.” He shakes his head at the ground, letting out a sad laugh, and his voice actually goes slightly hoarse. “I didn’t hear the tiny little squeals until it was too late. There were three tiny baby bunnies nested up under the pile of sticks and I was only able to get two out unharmed.”
I squeeze his arm for support like we’re both reliving a horrible tragedy right now. He gives another sad chuckle mixed with a sigh. “I ran that third bunny as fast as I could back to the house, screaming for help to my mom. I didn’t even care about getting in trouble for taking the matches. I tried running him under cold water, but after my mom gave me a few more minutes of hoping I could save him, that little baby bunny died right in my hands.”
I feel the tear drop stream down my face at the pain in his voice. I’m sure it has nothing to do with me being drunk. “Wow, oh my God. That was fucking heartbreaking.”
We both burst out laughing, and he mumbles, “Shut up,” under his breath.
He pulls me back in and swings me around, gazing back into my eyes. I smile up at him. “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
He nods, bringing me back up level with him and brushing my hair behind my ear. “I’ve never told anyone that story before. The only person who knows is my mom because she was there.” He bites his lower lip with a mischievous smile. “And now you. I guess you’re stuck with me now.”
My cheeks hurt from how hard I’m cheesing right now. I try to cover it up with attitude. “Technically I didn’t tell you anything yet.”
“You will.”
I smile down at the ground. The fear is still there, but there’s just a hint of something I haven’t seen in a long time. Something I didn’t think I’d ever feel again.Happiness.
“Can I think about it?” I ask, still on guard.
“Of course.” He smiles, but I can tell he’s disappointed.
“Another drink?” I ask to lift the mood. “If I remember correctly, you were supposed to booze me up and give me a dirty dance.”
“I always keep my promises,” he says, walking backward toward the bar, pulling me along with him.
Chapter 21
“Ow!” I giggle, rubbing my head where I hit it against a coat rack while I was trying to yank my heels off.
“God, woman. You’re such a fucking mess. Do you need me to carry you to the fucking bed?”
I smile with all of my teeth, extending my arms up to Declan. “Yes, daddy.”
He shakes his head at the ground before scooping me up in his arms. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”
I let my body go slack. I let him take my full weight as he carries me over to his bedroom. I never would have been secure enough with myself to do that before. I’d make sure I was holding myself up so that I wouldn’t be too heavy. That thought never even crossed my mind with him. He’s so fucking strong. It’s so damn sexy.
He chucks me down on his bed, and I bounce dramatically high. He falls to the bed next to me, and we both drunkenly laugh until my sides start cramping up. “Stop! I can’t breathe. Why are you so funny right now?”
He pokes my nose. “I could literally say anything right now, and you’d still laugh, drunkass.”
