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‘Sure,’ I say with a nod, letting go of Sketch’s hand for a moment to reach behind my back and untie my apron.
I set it down on the counter next to the cake I’ve spent all morning working on with trembling fingers, and I nervously wonder if Sketch wants to give me the same birthday surprise I planned to give him.
TWENTY-FIVE
HOLLY
The knock on the door of Nana’s hospital bedroom wakes my mother. She sits up and rubs her eyes, and I can tell it takes her a second or two to remember where she is. When her location registers, I can see the sadness sweep across her face like a gentle wave. She’d fallen asleep in the bedside chair shortly after I started reading. I thought about stopping to wait for her, but Nana opened her eyes and squeezed my hand, and I knew I had to carry on.
I’m glad to see a nurse in uniform peek her head through the gap as the door slowly creaks open. My throat is dry from reading out loud in the humid room, and I need to excuse myself and get some water.
‘Ms Talbot,’ the nurse says.
‘Yes.’ My mother stands up and runs her hands over her thighs, straightening out the creases in her trousers. ‘That’s me.’
‘I’m Deirdre,’ the nurse says, opening the door wider to step inside.
Bright light from the corridor shines in, and I squint instinctively. I hadn’t realised how dim the room was until now. It’s really rather depressing, with only one small window up high.
‘Hello, Deirdre,’ my mother says, her voice still laced with sleep.
‘I’ll be travelling in the ambulance with you to the hospice,’ Deirdre explains.
‘Oh. Oh, of course,’ my mother says, clearly caught off guard. ‘Are we going now?’
‘This afternoon.’ Deirdre smiles. ‘But I wanted to come and introduce myself and make sure you didn’t have any questions.’
My mother smiles and shakes her head at the same time. ‘I… I… I don’t think I have.’
I can think of a million questions. Primarily,where’s Marcy?We don’t need a new nurse. We need Nana’s friend. But I don’t say a word. I understand Marcy works as a home help, and we’ve passed that point, but I worry Nana will miss her. I know I will.
‘I think we’ve been over everything with the doctor,’ I say, my voice husky and sounding like it belongs to someone else.
‘Okay.’ Deirdre smiles. ‘Well, if you think of anything, I’ll be at the nurse’s station.’
‘Thank you.’ My mother nods, her teary eyes glistening like crystals in the sunshine.
Deirdre backs out and closes the door behind her, plunging us into depressing dullness again.
‘You should have asked her if they make decent tea in the hospice,’ Nana croaks. ‘The stuff here is horrendous.’
‘You haven’t had any tea, Mammy,’ my mother says, taking Nana’s hand in hers and stroking it gently as if my grandmother’s hand were a baby kitten.
‘That’s what’s horrendous about it.’ My grandmother’s tongue pokes out between her lips, and a rattle bounces around her chest. ‘They don’t bring you any.’
I stand straight and rigid. Hearing Nana’s hoarse attempts to converse hurts my heart. But at the same time, it’s so lovely to hear her speak at all. Her humour reminds me that she’s still the same Nana, just in a slightly older body.
‘Would you like some tea, Nana?’ I ask. ‘I can run down to the canteen and get some.’
My grandmother’s head moves slowly up and down.
‘That’s a yes,’ Mam says, confidently. ‘No milk. No sugar, right, Mammy?’
‘Right,’ Nana gargles. ‘No… sugar.’
‘Okay. No problem.’ I bounce enthusiastically. ‘I got it. No milk. No sugar. I’ll be really quick.’
I slap my hand over my mouth and close my eyes, hearing the rushed words pass my lips.Why did I say that?Am I so panicked that if I leave the room for more than a few minutes, Nana might not be there when I get back?
