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Ben ignores me and continues. ‘No seriously,’ he blurts. ‘You two were all loved-up just a few months ago.’ Ben points at Nate and then drags his finger across the air to me. ‘Holly, the only things you talked about were bridesmaid dresses and hen parties.’ Ben rolls his eyes. ‘You nearly drove me mad with all that wedding crap. And now look at the two of you. You’re not even sitting beside each other. Do you still want to argue that times have changed? Bullshit.’
Nate opens his eyes and sits up. I sense he’s irritated, but he doesn’t tell Ben to shut up. I wish he would. Ben won’t listen to me, but if Nate told him to back off, he probably would.
‘It’s complicated, Ben,’ Nate mutters sleepily. ‘We explained.’
‘No. Not really. You said your baby was sick,’ Ben blurts. ‘And I’m sorry, so sorry that you’re facing that. It’s unimaginable. But it’s an excuse for a breakup, not an explanation. Christ, you’d think at a time like this, you’d need each other more than ever. When the shit hits the fan, you need the people you love more than ever.’
I look at Nate, and his eyes are already on me. Ben makes a surprising amount of sense.
‘You’re just like Nana,’ Ben says. ‘She pushed everyone away cos her father was a dickhead, when really she should have married him, told her father to fuck off, and lived happily ever after.’
‘Yes,’ Nana says, softly.
The room falls silent instantly, and despite the intensity of our conversation, we all turn to face Nana without another word.
‘Are you okay, Nana?’ I ask, hurrying to her bedside. ‘Can I get you anything? Water maybe?’
Nana swallows, and I watch the lump struggle to make its way down her throat.
‘Do you want to see the nurse?’ Ben says, reaching for the buzzer over Nana’s bed. ‘I can call her now if you need her. Are you in any pain?’
Nana winces, and I hold my breath. She doesn’t talk, and I don’t know how to help her. I feel so empty inside.
‘Have you something you’d like to say, Annie?’ Nate smiles, so much more together than either Ben or me.
Nana nods.
‘She wants to talk,’ I say, as if Ben and Nate needed clarification.
‘Yes, Holly.’ Ben smiles. ‘We got that.’
Nate leans over the opposite side of the bed to me and fluffs the pillows behind Nana, tilting her head just a fraction, but she instantly seems to breathe more comfortably. I smile, and my hand rubs my tummy as I realise that I’m proud to have Nate’s baby growing inside me.
‘Thank you,’ Nana mouths.
‘We’re listening, Annie,’ Nate assures her, smiling. ‘Take your time.’
Nana sucks a huge amount of air in through her mouth. Her chest rises, and a vicious cough bursts out of her with a force that contradicts her frail body. I hurry to help her.
‘Shh, Nana,’ I whisper, struggling not to burst into tears as I lean over her and try to think of a way to ease her distress. ‘Don’t try to talk.’
Ben’s around my side of the bed in seconds, and he scoops his arm around my waist and pulls me upright. ‘Holly, leave her,’ he pleads. ‘She wants to say something. Let her.’
‘She’s too weak,’ I argue, trying to break away from my brother’s firm hold.
‘Let her,’ Ben says, slowly and firmly. ‘Let her get this out. It’s obviously important.’
I soften and stop struggling. ‘Okay.’
Nana’s lips curl at the sides into a subtle smile, and her head slowly twists to one side so her eyes can find Ben.
‘Good boy,’ she croaks as if Ben is five years old.
Ben smiles with smug satisfaction just as a five-year-old would. I shake my head and roll my eyes, secretly enjoying my grandmother’s praise of my brother.
‘Don’t be a silly girl, Holly,’ Nana says, her voice louder and less broken than I’ve heard in days. She’s scolding me, just as she used to when I was a child, and I reminisce instinctively. ‘Nathan loves you,’ she adds, firmly. ‘Don’t punish him for something that is not his fault.’
I’m not, I think, shaking my head. At least I don’t mean to. I know it’s not Nate’s fault our baby is sick.It’s not anyone’s fault.
