Page 98 of When You're Gone


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A sudden burst of energy shoots through my body like an electric shock. My fingers tingle with excitement.

‘We made it,’ I blurt, surprising myself to hear the words I was only meant to think in my head burst past my lips with euphoric enthusiasm.

‘The road ends here,’ Mam says, ‘Can you see somewhere to pull in, George? We’ll have to walk from here.’

I look out the window and all around. The road is barely as wide as the car. There isn’t any room to veer left or right, never mind find a spot to park. I wonder where Sketch used to park his bottlegreen Morris when he and Nana came here. I scan the hedging on both sides of the road. It’s wild, bristly and completely overgrown. I suppose unattended hedging grows a lot in fifty years.

‘Jesus, Blair. We can’t walk from here,’ Dad says. ‘Annie will freeze.’

‘I brought blankets,’ I say. ‘Furry ones.’

Mam twists in her seat to look at me.

‘What?’ I say. ‘I only borrowed them. I’ll return them to the hospital later.’

My mother shakes her head, but she’s smiling and I see a sparkle of gratitude in her eyes.

‘Holly, hop out and open that gate,’ Dad says. ‘I think it’s wide enough to drive through.’

‘You’re not going to drive in there, are you?’ Mam squeaks. ‘The road ends here, George. It’s just grass after this. Your car will be ruined. What about your alloys, as you said yourself. You love this car more than you love me.’

My father is obsessed with his flashy Mercedes. He sold his landscaping company six months ago and has been enjoying early retirement ever since. He bought my mother her first pair of Louboutins that she can’t walk in because she’s not used to stilettos, and he bought himself this overpriced car. The rest of the money will be spent on sensible stuff. A few grand each for Ben and me to put towards deposits on our first houses, and although no one has said anything, I think Nana’s medical bills are all taken care of.

‘It’s just a car.’ Dad twists around and looks at Nana with bright eyes and a huge smile. ‘Hold on tight, Annie.’

I make sure Nana is sitting comfortably, supported by Marcy, before I open the door and hop out. I’m shocked by the cold outside the car, and my teeth chatter. I curse myself for leaving Nana’s house in such a rush this morning that I forgot to grab my hat and gloves. I wrap my arms around myself and rub my hands up and down to keep warm as I march towards the gate. My mother’s shoes, the ones I took from by the door this morning instead of my work heels, are a size too big for me, and they stick in the mud and almost fall off, but I grip with my toes to hold them on as I reach for the rusty bolt.

‘It’s stuck,’ I shout back, unsure if they can hear me.

I pull the sleeve of my coat over my hand to give me a better grip, and I tug hard. The bolt jerks back suddenly and pinches my fingers, but I ignore the sting and push on the gate. Bubbles of nervous excitement pop in my chest like fireworks as the gate squeaks and swings back.

‘I got it,’ I shout, waving my arms. ‘I got it.’

A sharp breeze whizzes past me, blowing my hair all over my face. I reach up and grab a fistful, pulling it to one side. I find Nate and Ben standing next to me. Nate takes off his hat and pulls it over my head. I stuff my hair inside, grateful.

‘I can’t see a bleedin’ thing out here,’ Ben says flicking on the torch app on his phone.

‘Good idea,’ Nate says, copying.

I do the same and wish I’d thought of it sooner. A bit of light would have made fiddling about with the gate easier.

‘Ah, you’ve got to be shittin’ me,’ Ben says, shaking his phone. ‘My battery’s low.’

‘S’okay,’ I say. ‘Stay close to us. You’ll be fine.’

Ben nods and smiles, and we all stand back as my father’s car brushes past us, bouncing like a child’s dinky on a trampoline as it navigates its way through the gate and across the bumpy grass.

‘C’mon. Let’s follow them,’ Nate says.

‘Are you just going to leave your car there?’ I ask, staring at Nate’s car sitting stationary at the very point where the road stops suddenly and meets mucky, long grass.

‘Yup.’ Nate nods. ‘Best not risk both cars getting stuck, Holly. You know… in case…’

In case we have to rush Nana away.

‘Well, it’s not as if we’re going to block traffic now, is it?’ Ben says, trudging through long grass as if he’s wading out to sea. ‘C’mon, you two. Let’s go.’ I shine my phone on the wild landscape. Overgrown hedging boxes in fields, and I imagine they stretch on for acres. Winter berries add a splash of colour, and I can understand why Sketch loved to paint here. It’s too beautiful not to capture. If I had time, I’d snap a photo for Facebook, but Dad’s car is getting away and Ben’s face is turning the same colour as the berries with anxiety.

‘Seriously,’ Ben grunts. ‘Hurry up.’

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