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‘Yeah,’ Mam sniffles. ‘This morning. He says Kayla knows what she’s asking.’
‘She really doesn’t even want to try a trial? It could give you a little time.’
‘No,’ Mam says, and I hear certainty in her voice. ‘She doesn’t want any more pain. She’s asking me to let her go.’
‘And can you?’
‘No,’ Mam sobs. ‘How can I? How can I ever let her go? You know, Jack says this Help Fund Me thing that Kayla has set up is her way of saying goodbye. He thinks she’s trying to protect me. To take care of me.’
‘And you think?’ the nurse asks.
‘I didn’t ask for this. For any of this. The media are trying to contact me. I don’t even know where they got my number. They leave me voicemails, asking if I’ll do radio or TV interviews. They say it will bring in even more donations.’
‘Is it something you might consider?’
‘No,’ Mam says, sounding hurt. ‘No it’s not. I don’t want people’s money. I just want my daughter to get better. That’s what I want. But no one can give me that. Can they?’
I hear a door creak open. There’s footsteps. They’re fading. Mam is walking away, I think.No. Don’t go. I don’t want Mam to go.I try so hard to open my eyes but they’re heavy and I’m sleepy. So sleepy.
The Christmas Santa bringing me a sparkly magic wand dances across my mind as if it’s a movie on Netflix. I watch as Mam tells me I’m a magic princess. And I tell Aiden I’ll turn him into a frog.
I see my first day of secondary school. My jumper is embarrassingly huge on me and Mam says, ‘You’ll grow into it.’
There’s talking at the door. It pulls me out of my lovely dreams. I hear raised voices. A man and Mam. Mam is shouting. No, crying. No, shouting. The man is Dad. He’s angry too. And then it stops. All the noise stops, and I wonder if I’m still breathing. Still here.
‘Kayla. Kayla, honey, it’s Dad. Are you okay?’
I feel lips on my forehead. Dad kisses me. It’s so nice. I want him to hug me too. But he doesn’t. He doesn’t know how much I want a hug.
‘What are they saying?’ Dad asks, all whispery and stressed.
‘Not much,’ Mam says.
‘Jack thinks it’s the growth in her chest pressing on her lungs. They did a scan this morning. I thought he’d be here by now with news.’
‘And if it is? If something is pressing on her lungs…?’ Dad says.
I know Dad wants to ask what will happen. Will I be able to breathe? I want him to ask. I’m scared. I wasn’t prepared to be this scared.
‘And… I… don’t… know,’ Mam cries.
I’m flying. I’m flying over school. I see the yard, and the cool kids in the back smoking and thinking the teachers don’t know. I want toshout, ‘They do know. And they think you’re idiots.’ I see my team. I see us winning by three baskets. I see myself dribble past the captain on the other side to score the winning basket.
‘Did you know about this?’ Mam asks.
‘The Help Fund Me page?’ Dad says, and I wonder if he’s looking at something. It sounds as if he’s looking at something. Like his concentration is on reading his phone, or a letter or something. ‘Oh my God, has she really raised this much?’
‘Yeah,’ Mam says.
‘Wow.’
‘Did you know. Did you know about it?’
‘No,’ Dad says. ‘No. I didn’t. How could I?’
‘Charlotte was in on this,’ Mam says. ‘Aiden told me. Oh, he didn’t want to confess. But his mother dragged it out of him. Did you know Mary had no idea he’s been skipping school every Tuesday to come visit Kayla?’
My mouth finally opens.Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.My lips sting and I know they’re all cracked and dry.Stupid hospital air.And my throat is on fire. I mean actual fire.Jesus.But I think I can manage words. I still can’t open my eyes, that seems to be too much effort for my stupid body right now.
